Eastern York County NarAnon Family Group

08/24/2021

Due to personal conflicts, the Tuesday nar anon group has temporarily been cancelled.

06/21/2021

June 21 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Changing The Things I Can

When I came to my first Nar-Anon meeting, I was overcome with pain and anger. I blamed the addict for my weight gain, but mostly I blamed him because I was unhappy. I knew I was not in the wrong, and I felt that what I said and did had nothing to do with my unhappiness.
I realized there was something terribly wrong and I did not want to go on living this way. I felt like running away from this awful life I led: being uncomfortable in my own home, being such a bitchy and ugly person, having this terrible heavy secret that my life was miserable, feeling such over-powering eternal guilt, and blaming myself for my son's drug use. I had to admit the unmanageability of my life.

When we went to family counseling, our counselor pointed her finger at me as the one who took care of and controlled our family. I was indignant, hurt and humiliated. How could she think I was the one who was to blame?

By attending Nar-Anon meetings, I learned what that counselor was trying to tell me. I began to get help in changing myself. Working the steps with a sponsor made me realize that I probably was as insane as the addict was. What an awakening!

Thought for Today: In Nar-Anon, I can look at myself, recognize my defects and work on them each day. I can let go today, realizing that my life is mine, and the addict's life is his. Today I can take care of myself and still be supportive of others, one day at a time.

“It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.” ~ L**h Walesa

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/17/2021

June 17 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Quit Trying To Change Them

My Nar-Anon group leader had finished a reading from the Nar-Anon Blue Booklet. It still rings in my ears, “...to release our addicts with love, and cease trying to change them.” I wondered. I took another look at the reading and I was reminded that it actually says, “We only ask… for the grace to release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them.”
I understand the word “grace” to mean a special favor or a privilege. Rudyard Kipling said, “Each in his place, by right, not grace, shall rule his heritage.” Nar-Anon readings suggest that if I ask for a change in my thinking, versus a change in the addict, I am practicing the principle of release. What is stopping me from releasing my addicted loved one? Am I still seeing addiction as a moral issue, and am I obsessively holding the addict to my self-righteous standard of behavior?

Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity and allow me to accept the addict as he is. Step Six gives me the opportunity to become entirely ready to have my unforgiving and judgmental defects removed. I realize I will find no peace if all I find is fault.

Thought for Today: I ask my Higher Power for help in using the Twelve Steps to release the addict with love and cease trying to change him. I am freed from my feelings of anxiety and fear of the future.

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” ~ Galileo Galilei

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/16/2021

June 16 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Grateful

One day I met my husband at his office. He looked terrible, clutching his stomach, shaking and crying with pain. I asked what was wrong. He said, “I’m not sure; I need to get some medicine.” I had seen him like this twice before. I was sure it was diabetes. Then the bombshell hit. He confessed that he had a he**in problem and was seeing a psychiatrist who has prescribed methadone. He was ill because he was all out. My husband continued on methadone for over a year and we lived in relative normality. Then slowly, subversively, things started getting wobbly. He was using again; anger, tears, and remorse. Then he went back on methadone, followed by a patch of excessive drinking, then he**in again, and on it went. This is the spiral, which I now know is not unusual in addiction. I became as sick as the user.

Finally, we both started going to meetings – him to Narcotics Anonymous and me to Nar-Anon. What a relief! I was not alone. There were people who understood. I remember feeling my anger and resentment lessen at my first meeting when I learned that addiction is a disease, like cancer or diabetes. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. Today I am grateful that I am married to an addict because I have been given the opportunity to explore my spiritual nature and move out of my comfort zones. I have taken a good look at who I am, what I want and where I am going. I am facing my past, my faults and my fears. I am becoming a better person, a happier person, and a more serene person. I am slowly but surely learning not to suppress my emotions and fears, but to release them and grow.

Thought for Today: I am grateful that I live with an addict in recovery because it keeps me from settling into complacency. Working my program gives me the opportunity to look at myself and grow.

“No longer forward nor behind I look in hope or fear. But, grateful, take the good I find, the best of now and here.” ~ John Greenleaf Whittier

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/07/2021

June 6 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Responsibility

Because of the drug use, the stealing and lying, and the chaos that goes along with active addiction, I asked the addict to leave our home. The chaos persisted, and in time, I changed the locks on the house and banned her from the premises. The sadness that followed my decision was intense. I was fraught with anxiety, and shed many tears. Many times, I contemplated allowing her to return home, even though she was still using. I was not prepared for the intense pain and anxiety that resulted from my decision. I felt worse than when the addict was at home.

Thankfully, a friend suggested that I attend a Nar-Anon meeting. In time, I began to realize that the addict had never been held accountable for her actions because I had always bailed her out of difficult situations. I realized that unless the addict was forced to accept responsibility for her actions, my home life would not improve. I longed for a normal life and I was desperate for relief from the agony and pain of living with her addiction. I had reached my bottom and knew that I was miserable and needed help.

Nar-Anon helped me to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I learned that I have choices and I can set boundaries that are good for me. I took responsibility for myself by not allowing her to come back home while she was still using drugs. I took responsibility for myself by seeking help in Nar-Anon.

Thought for Today: It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.

“When we go through storms we ask where is God. I’ll tell you where He is. He’s backstage designing a rainbow.” ~ Dr. Robert Schuler

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/05/2021

June 5 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Recovery Is Never Ending

It would be so nice if I could take these Twelve Steps one at a time – in perfect order – and then never have to take them over again. If they were so ingrained in my spiritual, physical and emotional being that they were a total part of me, there would be no more worrying, no more anxiety, fear, or resentments.
The first three steps are the awareness and acceptance steps: I have admitted that I am powerless; I came to believe that there is a Power greater than myself; and I know that I need to turn my will and my life over to this Higher Power. I believe that my Higher Power can help me if I help myself. Next are the action steps four through nine: I have taken my inventory, admitted my shortcomings and I am entirely ready to have God remove them. My amends have been made. Finally, we come to the last three steps, the maintenance steps. Without these I would stop learning and growing. Without these last three steps, I could not pass the message of recovery on to others. That in itself is one of the most important aspects of the Nar-Anon program.
Recovery is a never-ending process. I will always have addicts in my life, whether they are clean or not. I have come to realize that this program offers me a way of life that I never imagined was possible.

Thought for Today: My happiness today does not depend on the happiness of others. I am grateful for the addicts in my life, which led me to this path of discovering myself.

“May the storms of life be gentle showers and the light of God’s love shine brightly upon your pathway.” ~ As We Understood

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/02/2021

June 2 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Awakening - My Disease

I did not realize that I was co-dependent. I took my boys to a concert, and I brought along a book on co-dependency. I bought a drink to relax and sat down in the corner to read. As I read, I began to realize that I had many co-dependent traits. I had been attending Nar-Anon meetings and I wondered why I was not getting better after the addict was out of my life. I thought I was working the steps, but I still had so much craziness, anxiety and insanity in my life. I reminded myself of a dog chasing its tail, going in mad crazy circles, chasing something I was never going to catch. All my focus was on that tail! When I did stop chasing it, I was too exhausted to do anything else. Mental and physical energy were things of the past. I did not know “what my tail was.” I felt as though someone was sitting on my chest all the time. I was so wound up. I found relief in drinking until I fell asleep, or taking a drug to put me to sleep.

The drinking and pills were becoming a habit. I was craving them daily. At first, I only drank at weddings. If there were no weddings, then I did not drink, period. Sometimes it would be years between drinks, but now I was doing it almost every night.

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed someone or something to take care of. I had no clue how to live without being needed. I needed to be needed! I needed to take care of someone, not just me. I did not care about myself. I had no money and went without my insulin, and my health suffered. Now I see that this is classic co-dependent thinking. When I realized my insanity was caused by my need to care for others, it was as if the fog had lifted. The weight of the world was off my shoulders... It felt great! I feel great!

Thought for Today: Today I am thankful for my Higher Power. I am thankful for Nar-Anon and its Twelve Steps. With the help of my Nar-Anon program, I have learned that the only person I need to take care of is me.

“There is only one success—to be able to spend your life in your own way.” ~ Christopher Morley

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

06/01/2021

June 1 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Fear

If I indulge in negative thinking, I work myself into anxieties about things that may never materialize. This behavior results in wasted worries and possible ill effects on me. I know my peace and serenity certainly suffer. Why is it then that I still contemplate fearful thoughts? Can I not let go? Can I not begin to trust? So what if the addict relapses? Have I not relapsed in some of my own shortcomings?

When I find myself indulging in negative thinking, I use the tools of my Nar-Anon program. I call my sponsor or another member and talk about my worries to release my fear. I read my Nar-Anon literature. I remind myself that I cannot see the future and that worry never stopped or prevented something from happening. I then turn my worries over to my Higher Power and tell myself, it would be better if I stay in the here and now. I must let go of the future and the rest of the world.

Thought for Today: I must live one day at a time, as tomorrow is not promised to me. Therefore worrying about tomorrow and what-ifs will not bring peace and serenity to my life. Creating attitudes that show my sincerity towards others and trust in my Higher Power will bring me what I want, a balanced existence away from the fearful ups and downs of obsessive worry and fear.

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Taken from the Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/25/2021

May 25 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

Maturity

When faced with the absurd behavior and the resulting negative consequences of addiction, I still thought I could respond, in a mature way, with reason and dignity. You've gotta' be kidding!

At first, I found that I would rather retaliate for the hurt and pain by getting even. I took great pleasure in telling my war stories to anyone who would listen, even strangers.

I could never purge my hurts with enough self-pity. Other people stopped being interested. Even the police were not interested. They are interested in crime and in evidence, not in the blues. All I had was my own self-destructive behavior and it bored other people.

As I grew in Nar-Anon, I discovered the maturity I wanted through the shared experiences of others who are also affected by addiction. I am maturing through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I am maturing by understanding such concepts as co-dependence, detachment, enabling, and denial, in myself and in the addict. I am maturing by learning about the nature of the illness of addiction, its progress and pitfalls, and most recently, recovery. I also mature by learning the nature of my own illness. I am growing more mature. I am recovering.

Thought for Today: There is a peace in knowing what I can and cannot do to influence outcomes. I can still be hurt and disappointed, but I do not have to react in the same old immature ways.

“Maturity doesn't come with age - it begins with the acceptance of responsibility.” ~ Edwin Louis Cole

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/24/2021

May 24 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading

The Lies That Blind

Falling in love with an addict was a blinding experience. Our life together never lacked drama, though it did eventually lack all else. We went through car accidents and a fire that destroyed everything I owned and everything he had brought to this country. He was arrested and jailed. Still, I felt fiercely loyal.

He had asked me to marry him within three weeks of our meeting. I attributed his hurry to his having "found the right one," and not wanting to lose a minute together. He pressed me incessantly to have a child. I did not understand at the time that this was his way of keeping me tied to him. This impetuous decision-making was a departure from my normally cautious nature and a sign that my own disease was active. As I allowed myself to become more dependent on him, I was getting sicker and sicker. I was not able to see that I was becoming obsessed with my husband. He became less and less dependable and I became more and more focused on how to help him so he could be more dependable for me. I was still in denial about my motives, so I told myself things such as, "If I were the one who had a terrible disease, I would want him to be there for me. How can I offer him less than that?"

I came to Nar-Anon when I was nine months pregnant, desperately in need of support, and finally convinced that I could not survive my life's insanity without help. The minute people started sharing, I felt as though I had come home. My crazy experiences were theirs. Nothing I said seemed to shock them as it had my friends, and they had a peace and acceptance in them that I wanted.

Thought for Today: I will listen to my own dreams and not throw myself into the dreams of others. I will grow stronger as I follow my Higher Power’s will, as He does not give me burdens I am not strong enough to bear.

“A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.” ~ Edgar J. Mohn

Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book

05/21/2021

05/21/2021

May 21 - Nar-Anon SESH Reading
Tradition Five
Many newcomers are taken aback when they learn that we are working the same Twelve Steps as our addicted loved ones. Tradition Five explains why this is necessary and how it helps. The Fifth Tradition demonstrates the loving nature of our program. I learned by working the steps that the answer to recovery is not only to love and accept the addict but, more importantly, to love and accept myself.
One of most important lessons I learned is to stop the fighting and let go of the resentments. This is essential for my recovery. When I accept and practice the First Step, I accept that I am powerless over the disease of addiction. So what benefit would I get by going to meeting after meeting, reliving my war stories about the addict and complaining and blaming the addict for all of my problems? This behavior hurts me and does nothing for the addict. Further, it adds little or nothing to my fellow members' recovery.
The second part of this Tradition is our fellowship's role in sharing our message of hope and healing to others who are suffering. We can do this by supporting a newcomer or fellow member in crisis, providing information about our program to local drug abuse treatment centers, schools and prisons, and letting others know there is a better way to live.
Thought for Today: I am grateful for my Nar-Anon program, which teaches me that changed attitudes and encouragement to others will help me far more than focusing on my problems. In helping others and supporting my Nar-Anon group, I can reap the rewards of recovery.
"Each Nar-Anon Family Group has but one purpose; to help families of addicts. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our addicted relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of addicts." ~ Nar-Anon Tradition Five
Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book