03/10/2026
I think back on my life..
I think about my childhood — growing up in church, exposed to Scripture and the culture of Christianity from an early age. No one could have done more to prod me toward a relationship with God. Not my family. Not my church family. Not my pastor, my Sunday school teachers, or my youth group leaders. No one could have made more of an effort to expose me to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
While a relationship did not come to fruition in that season of my life, the fundamental truths about who we are in creation — and who Christ is — penetrated into my innermost parts. Like seeds planted deep within me, waiting to sprout at an appointed time.
I think about my later teenage years, when my interests shifted toward the things of the world — poor friend groups, girls, partying, drinking, smoking. At the time, I had no understanding that these desires were driven by my fleshly nature and I fully succumbed to them. Whatever chance I had then of truly coming to Christ, I abandoned.
I was headed anywhere but toward Him.
I think about adulthood — when the friend groups dissolved and life moved on. The things that captured my interest began to mature. None of them were inherently evil or forbidden by God. But my hierarchy of values was disordered. Money, material success, and accomplishment sat at the pinnacle. God was at the bottom.
I remember doing what I loved for work and making a good living at it, I remember starting my own venture selling engines, and excelling in it. I remember the first time I went down the racetrack — and every run since. I remember the countless hours with my sister and my dad at the track, bonding through that culture.
I remember when Arianna and I met — the love we had for each other, the companionship I cherished. Having my best friend as my partner. Falling asleep and waking up next to the same person day after day for years of my life. I remember how good it felt — and how good it could have been if we had honored what God required of us in that relationship.
I remember how I borrowed pieces of her to build my identity and contentment. And when those pieces were taken away, I fell apart.
I remember the grief. The betrayal. The despair. I felt abandoned. Hopeless. I thought that was the lowest point of my life.
I was so wrong…
I remember the momentary comfort drugs brought me — how they felt like a solution to the emotional emergency I was living in. I went back to that comfort again and again. Day after day. Every single day. Until I found myself in full-blown addiction.
I remember moments of clarity:�What am I doing?�What have I done with myself?�Is life not more than this?
But physical dependency had taken hold of me. One by one, every area of my life was compromised because of my addiction.
I remember waking up from a fentanyl overdose on the bathroom floor of my parents’ house. Numb to the magnitude of what had just happened, I looked up at my mother and father and saw the most potent expression of fear I have ever witnessed..
I remember homelessness.�Sickness.�Hunger.�Thirst.
The cold.�Incarceration.
It felt as though nothing could separate me from my dependency to drugs but death itself — and at times, I desired it.
Then I remember coming to Recovery Soldiers Ministries.
I remember resisting it. But even more than that, I remember walking through the front door and meeting Joshua Nunley.
He did not know me. I did not know him. Yet I sat there broken — hopeless, unreachable by every worldly measure. For reasons higher than my own understanding, my heart softened in that moment and I decided to be vulnerable with him.
I chose to submit to my inner most parts as they reached out in a desperate last attempt for rescue..
And the RSM staff pointed me toward Jesus Christ..
Early on in my student phase, I began to experience sorrow in a way I never had before. Not worldly grief. But godly sorrow. I felt a longing deep within me, not for a person, not for a thing, but for closeness with God.
My spirit groaned as though in labor pains, as the truth planted deep within me finally breached the surface. The wrestling between flesh and spirit that had gone on since I was young finally shifted.
Yes, I had professed faith.. I had been baptized.. I had spoken the words:
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”�— Romans 10:9
It is easy to speak words.
But what does it mean to believe?
“If you believe in som**hing,�You live for it — and you die for it.�You make it the reference point and presupposition of everything in your life.”�— Jordan B. Peterson
Today, I truly believe that Jesus Christ is the fullness of God. That He incarnated on earth on our behalf to accomplish what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. That He condemned sin in the flesh, and consented to death on a cross, and even moreso, he rose again — so that we too might rise with Him, justified before our Father in heaven.
Therefore the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ have become the reference point for all things in this life.
I am by no means a righteous man. But my earnest prayer is that of David:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”�— Psalm 51:10
Finally, I think about graduation.
About how profound this journey has been. Nothing I expected aligns with what God has done here. I have gladly staked the rest of my life on the relationship with Him that was cultivated here and the tools and resources provided to me by RSM.
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”�— Romans 8:31
Special Thanks
My family — for enduring me with longsuffering.
Josh and Marley Scalf — for their collaboration and dedicated service in the Kingdom of God.
RSM Men’s Staff— for their counsel and guidance.
Shawn Good — for mentorship, friendship, counsel, and provision.
Bryan Lindvig — for discipleship and example.
All of my brothers and sisters at Recovery Soldiers Ministries — for walking this journey with me.
Here are the words of Christ in regard to you;
“Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”�— Matthew 25:40
