09/30/2025
A client told me recently: "I'm doing everything right—good job, healthy marriage, kids are doing well. But I feel empty, like I'm going through the motions."
When I asked about his friendships, he went quiet. "Work colleagues. Golf buddies. But people I actually talk to? I don't know when that changed."
He's not alone. Research shows that 15% of men report having no close friends—a number that's tripled in recent decades. This isn't just about feeling lonely. Social isolation increases risk of depression, substance use, and cardiovascular disease. Studies show loneliness has health impacts comparable to smoking 15 ci******es a day.
The challenge isn't that men don't want connection. It's that we often work with outdated blueprints for what friendship looks like. Male friendships tend to be activity-based—playing sports, working on projects, grabbing drinks. When the activity ends, the connection often does too. Job changes, relocations, retirement—these transitions reveal that many friendships were circumstantial rather than substantial.
But here's what I've learned in my practice: connection isn't something that happens to you. It's something you create. You don't need a dozen close friends. You need a few people who actually know what's going on with you.
If you're recognizing patterns of isolation in your own life, that awareness is the first step. The next is straightforward: reach out to one person. Not to solve a problem. Just to connect.
I wrote more about why men struggle with connection, the real health consequences, and practical steps that actually help. Link in comments.
