A Home to Fit You

06/06/2022

When a client calls me every few days crying that she is in pain 😢and doesn’t know what to do, and at the same time apologizing for “bothering me” 🥺, I know that my presence in her life is more than just a person who would help her find the right assisted living community 🤔

“My son lives with me, but he doesn’t do anything here, he won’t even take the garbage out, and he doesn’t want me to sell the house.”
Donna’s situation was not only heartbreaking; it was actually upsetting to me 😤 Since her husband died, Donna’s son moved in with her. But instead of helping his mom, who struggled with many medical issues, he ignored and neglected her, enjoying the ‘rent-free’ accommodations 😤

Meeting with Donna, I learned that she had not seen a doctor for a while, so she could not get a refill of her medication🤕. She had diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic pain, and depression 🤒. For a while, she would go to the ER to get her prescriptions, but apparently, she was told they would no longer help her with medications, and that she needed to get a new doctor👨‍⚕️

“I don’t know what to do,” she cried on the phone the day before our planned first meeting, 😩 “ I am afraid to go to the ER; they will be mad at me. But my blood pressure is high, and my head is about to explode.” I suggested that she go to the other hospital, but she was too upset and fearful.

The next day, when I was sitting at her kitchen table, I realized that Donna was too stressed and confused to fill up the forms for the clinic where she could assign a new family physician. While I gathered the information that allowed me to fill those forms, I also learned that she is out of food and her son won’t buy her food😏.

This was when I had to shift the priorities: finding an assisted living for Donna was the least of her problems.
🆘First, I asked her what she likes to eat and went to the grocery store to get enough food to last at least two weeks.
🆘After I stocked her refrigerator, I took the medical forms to the medical clinic. Being in the medical field in town for over thirty years, I get to know one or two people in the right places… So I contacted the physician who owns the clinic, who happened to be one I knew in person, and asked him to make sure they would schedule Donna ASAP.
🆘Three days later, on the day Donna was scheduled for her medical appointment, I called her to ensure she had a ride to her appointment.

👏Three days after the appointment, I got a call from Donna. It was the first time she had called me without crying. In fact, it was the first time I could tell by her voice that she was not under stress. “The doctor was so nice to me,” she said. “he looked at my medications and gave me the prescriptions. I feel so much better now.”

Now, after I got everything in order, food and medical care, I could sit down with Donna and talk to her about the next step of looking into assisted living 🤝

Working with people like Donna, who had no one in her life to support her through this very stressful time, is what makes my work of helping my clients find the right senior care community meaningful 🤗

05/24/2022

A day in the life of a senior living advisor 🧚‍♀️
9:30 am Networking coffee meeting ☕
10:45 am: nothing planned for the rest of my day 🧘‍♀️
At 10:55 am: a phone call from a son who needed my help with his father. So much for my plan to sunbathe in my backyard ☀️

Nick's father was a very private and proud man who did not want to bother his son with the fact that he had been falling, unable to cook for himself, and no one helped him with house chores 🤐. Since Nick lived in eastern Washington, his sporadic phone conversations with his dad did not reveal the truth about his father's physical decline until he got a call from the hospital 🤕.

Unfortunately, what happened was not as uncommon as we would like to think 😔; George took a fall, and only three days later his neighbor noticed the pile of papers on his front porch. Three days lying on the floor can be a death sentence for a frail eighty-six-year-old man. But somehow, despite being dehydrated and developing a pressure wound on his back, George survived.
By the time Nick called me, George was already in the hospital for over a week, and he was told he needed to be discharged to a care community by the next day 😨

At 11:20 am, I met Nick and George at the hospital with the expectation of finding a place for George ASAP, so I didn't have a minute to waste 🧐.
👍I was able to identify the care community that could provide the high level of care George needed.
👍I took Nick to visit that community to get his approval for my recommendation.
👍I contacted a mobile notary who was able to meet Nick and his dad and notarize POA documents.
👍I met with the social worker at the hospital, who could not find a place for George to be discharged, and went over the discharge plan that I worked with the care community.
👍I gave Nick a list of the items he will need to bring from his dad's home to the care community.
👍Based on George's frail condition, I suggested that Nick asks the doctor for a hospice service, which he did.
During this time, I drove three times back and forth between the hospital and the care community (from one end of the beltline to the other)

The next day George was discharged from the hospital as planned, and Nick was on his way back home, as he planned, knowing that his dad was in good hands 🤗
Unfortunately, George's body was too weak by that point, and two days after his move, he passed 😞

Being a senior living advisor is not just about finding the right senior care community for my clients but more about supporting my clients through a journey during a difficult and stressful time ❤️.
Knowing that I was able to bring some peace to George and his son is the true essence of my work ❤️.

05/23/2022

❓Q: My father, who has dementia, lives in memory care. In the last week, he stopped eating, and I am looking for ways to make sure he will get his nutrition.
‼️Ronit’s answer: Dementia is a progressive terminal disease 😔 During the course of the disease, the person slowly loses their cognitive and physical abilities. The mechanism of eating, the ability to open the mouth, chew and swallow, is a physical function of the body that would slowly diminish as well 😟
If your father has difficulty chewing and/ or swallowing, you can consult with a speech therapist about changing the texture of his food. But if he is in the more progressive stage where he cannot open his mouth or stay awake to eat, there is no way to “convince” him to eat.
If your father’s dementia progresses, you have two options:
👩‍⚕️you can ask for an artificial feeding, such as an IV for hydration or PEG (feeding tube), which will prolong his life.
👩‍⚕️You can ask for hospice, where he (and his family) will get the support at the end of life.
While this is a choice between quantity (length of life) and quality (end of life), there is no right or wrong choice. If your father has an advance directive and you know his wishes for a situation like this, it would help you decide.

05/17/2022

“I am a Gemini,” said Beverly “ I have a hard time making up my mind 🤔I can tell you that when I was looking to buy a new car, it took me two years to find the car I like.”
This was the “opening statement” of my first (of many to follow) conversations with Beverly, who was looking to move from New York to an independent senior community in Eugene to be close to her son and grandkids.

For the following six months, Beverly and I had many phone calls, text messages, and zoom meetings where she shared her wish list for the perfect new home she was looking for:
🌟Two bedrooms with a patio for her dog
🌟Location sounded by trees and walking paths
🌟Vegetarian food
🌟Close to restaurants
🌟Close to theatre and art venus
🌟Active community
🌟Washer and dryer in the apartment
🌟Friendly residents
As the list grew longer with every conversation, it reminded me of my dating days, when I was looking for the perfect guy who would check every box on my requirements list.

I already knew that Beverly is very picky, and she has a hard time making decisions, especially when it comes to choosing the place where she hopes to spend the rest of her life. As a senior living advisor familiar with all the senior care communities in town, my commitment was to help Beverly find the community that would be the best match 🤗 But it is also my responsibility to help Beverly prioritize her ‘wants and needs in a way that would align with reality; there is no one community that will check all the boxes on her wish list.

What were Beverly’s benefits of working with me?
💫Coming from out of state, she didn’t have to worry about the touring schedule, as I arranged for one that met her travel schedule.
💫Beverly didn’t have to waste her limited time touring communities that had nothing to offer her based on her wish list.
💫Following our tours, I was a ‘gatekeeper’ shielding Beverly from the many “follow-up” phone calls from all the places we visited.
💫 I connected Beverly with the one community she chose to move into.
💫I connected Beverly with other services that would help her with the move.
💫And, the best part, all the support and guidance I gave Beverly didn’t cost her a dime.

✨If you or your loved one are looking into the possibility of moving into a senior independent or care community, let me help you navigate this maze.

05/08/2022

For all the women caring for a partner living with dementia, know that you are not alone in this journey. Women like yourself shared the following with a friend of mine who is a geriatric physician:
I am all alone. No one truly understands how difficult it is.
I am angry at him for “abandening” me like this in the middle of our life.
I donlt want to bother our kids; they have their own life challenges.
He looks at me and thinks I am a stranger, and it scares him. It scares me too.
I hate him. I wish he die.
I can’t bear seeing him suffering like that. I wish he die soon.
Why did it happen to us? No one told me it was going to be this way.
Now I understand it started years ago. I regrate on the times I got upset and impatient with him all those years.
I already feel like I am slowly losing him and saying goodbye to him.
How can I move him to memory care? Would it be better for him? Would he want to come home? I don’t know what to do.
He doesn’t sleep at night. He gets angry at me. I am afraid he is going to hurt me.
After all the years that he was a good loving husband, I owe him.

04/26/2022

“He doesn’t have Alzheimer’s; he has dementia‼️” is what I often hear when I ask about the family member in question. And it is said in a way that I know there is a belief that Alzheimer’s is horrible, but dementia is not as bad 🤔
Unfortunately, dementia is not any “better” diagnosis than Alzheimer’s 😟 Dementia is an umbrella name for the disease that causes the death of brain cells 🧠and under this umbrella, there are many types of dementia, and Alzheimer’s is one of them. Each type of dementia has its own traits, and being familiar with them can help us provide better care to the person who lives with dementia 🤗
You can read more about dementia and Alzheimer’s here:

Every time I realize I forgot to do something, I say: "I think I am getting dementia." If I am forgetful at times, does it mean that I have dementia? And what is dementia anyway?

04/20/2022

❓Q: Recently, my father was diagnosed with dementia, and sometimes I feel like I am in a foreign country trying to understand a foreign language 👀 If you had to give one piece of advice that would help me start to understand dementia, what would it be?
‼️Ronit’s answer: even for us, the professionals working with people with dementia for many years, it sometimes feels exactly like you described it 🧠 . My best advice that could help you create the basis for good care for your father is:
Don’t try to orient him to your reality; orient yourself to his reality.
What does it mean 🤷?
For example, the confusion about past, present, time, places, and people can cause your dad to think that it is time to go to work, or he may say that he wants to go home (while he IS at home), or he may even have hallucinations 😱 In those cases, don’t try to orient him to YOUR reality by saying: “But Dad, don’t you remember”? you retired twenty years ago”. Instead, step into HIS reality by saying: “Dad, tell me about your job” and asked him questions related to his work. After a few questions, you can redirect him by saying “let’s get something to eat before work.” If he has hallucinations, don’t try to convince him that there is no one there. Instead, ask him who those people are or what they are doing, and once again, try to redirect by suggesting to ask those people to leave or direct his attention somewhere else.
Once you follow this simple rule, you’ll be surprised to discover how many arguments you avoided and how you helped decrease his stress and anxiety 🤦‍♀️

03/28/2022

While the excessive use of technology 💻can lead to the loss of human touch, it can also bring new and innovative solutions to age-old (no pun intended) problems 📱
Here are a few examples of new and exciting startups that can make a difference in aging people's lives or those who care for them 👏
💡GetSetUp is an online community of people who want to learn new skills, connect with others and unlock new life experiences. https://www.getsetup.io/
💡With too few professional caregivers and insufficient innovation, more families are providing more, increasingly complex care than ever before. Caregivers experience dramatic effects on their well-being and stability. Grayce provides the most holistic global platform to empower families on their caregiving journeys.https://withgrayce.com/
💡CaringWire, in collaboration with the University of Wisconsin School of Nursing, has adapted decades of research to guide families through the most common caregiver issues. Improving the lives of caregivers and those who are in their care. Bringing meaningful outcomes to the families you serve. https://www.caringwire.com/
💡For the full list of the most exciting Elder-Care startups, check this list
https://startupill.com/28-best-elder-care-startups-worth-a-follow-in-2021/

03/19/2022

Quality or quantity ❓
How many times throughout our lives do we ask ourselves this question 🤔
🟣In 1900, the average life expectancy in the US was 47 years
🟣In 2018 the average life expectancy in the US was 78 years
🟣A French woman, Jeanne Louise Calment, was the oldest woman in the world. She died in 1997 at the age of 122

When it comes to our life or the lives of our loved ones, would we choose to extend life at all costs, or would we prefer a shorter but more meaningful life 🤷‍♂️?
Would you wish to live to the old age of over a hundred, knowing that while you may get to see your grandkids and great-grandkids as grown-ups, there is no guarantee that your body and mind would function as you wish 🤷‍♂️?

There is no right or wrong answer, as it is of a personal opinion. However, since we see how life expectancy increases with the years, there are a few things we can do to help improve the quality of our life:
🟢knowledge: learn your rights as a senior and what services you may be eligible for.
🟢Adventures: enrich your life with fun adventures such as classes, travel, social activities
🟢Health: eat healthy, exercise, and get good sleep.
🟢Meaning: Studies shows that happy people are those who live a meaningful life

02/07/2022

❓Q: Recently, I noticed that my mother is more forgetful and confused than usual, and I am concerned that she may have dementia. I know how scary it is (for her and the family) to find out that she may have dementia, and since there is no cure, is it imperative to get the diagnosis ❓
‼️Ronit’s answer: Indeed, dementia is a devastating disease without a cure, but a lot can (and needs to) be done. A diagnosis, as scary as it may be 😥 is important for several reasons:
🟣 Several other physical and emotional conditions can cause confusion, forgetfulness, and change in behavior, such as bladder infection, pneumonia, depression, anxiety, stress, to name a few. It is important to rule out any other condition that can be treated 🩺
🟣 Dementia is a progressive disease, and many things can be done to get ready for the changes that will come with time: take care of legal issues (POA, Will, Advance Directive, etc.), home modification, identify available support (by family or a hired), explore resources and plan financially 👨‍💻
🟢 If you are not sure what is the first step you need to take, give us a call. We are here to guide you
(541) 954-2602

02/04/2022

One of the first criteria people have when looking for a senior care community is its proximity to the family. But when it comes to finding the care community that is the best fit for a senior, there are other criteria to consider, such as; stability of staff, quality of care, size of the community, and leadership team. While it is easy to get impressed by the look of a building, the important information is not always "common knowledge."
This is what Mark wrote about how using Ronit's knowledge made a difference in his wife's decision when she chose the senior care community to move to:

I met Ronit Cohen quite by chance and am so glad I did. I was not previously aware that there are professionals in Lane County with her particular set of skills.

My wife has had increasingly serious health problems over the past few years. We tried home care, but she finally concluded on her own that she needed to move to an assisted living center. My main criterion was proximity to our house, but consultation with Ronit made me realize the importance of other criteria, in particular, the quality of management and caregivers. After meeting with my wife and me several times, she led us on a tour of three assisted-living centers. My wife decided on one of them, and she is very happy that Ronit introduced it to her. The managers and caregiving staff are friendly and very focused on the needs of their residents. Thank you, Ronit!

01/31/2022

No one can stop time, so whether we like it or not, we will all get to old age 👵 While we can debate what "old age” is, we agree that aging is inevitable.

We are going to school and getting a paying job to prepare us for our young adults' lives 👩‍🎓 But what do we do to prepare ourselves for our life as aging adults?
Aging is a biological, social, psychological, and emotional process, and yet, many of us don't take the time to prepare ourselves for this stage of our life 🤦‍♂️
No one likes to think about the "what ifs" of aging; what if I lose physical or cognitive abilities 🤷? What if I can't drive 🤷? What if I don't have enough money 🤷?
We rather think about our "old age", or rather 'retirement years' as a long (fun) vacation 😎
But if you were ever told (or thought) "better be safe than sorry 👌" or, "if it doesn't help, it won't hurt 👌", here are a few things to think about when preparing yourself for the golden years:

🍁 Develop a hobby and expand your interest: keeping busy with physical and mental activities that bring you joy and pleasure are essential for a healthy and happy life.
🍁 Get organized: downsize, clean clutter, arrange any storage spaces in an easy and friendly way to be used, file papers that can be easily found.
🍁 Complete all legal documents: a will, power of attorney, advance directive, POLST, and possibly a trust. It will help your relatives know what your wishes are "in case of."
🍁 Get your finances in order: review your expenses, income, and investments.

Looking for services that can help you achieve those goals? Give us a call, and we will connect you with reputable services (541) 954-2602