02/01/2026
If you’ve ever been told your child “should be able to calm themselves by now”, this matters.
Decades of developmental research show that emotional regulation is not something children learn alone. It is built, slowly and repeatedly, through co-regulation with a safe adult. Before the brain can self-soothe, it needs to experience being soothed. This isn’t permissive parenting — it’s how nervous systems develop.
Studies on parent–child synchrony, the Still-Face paradigm, and social biofeedback consistently show the same thing: regulation is social before it becomes internal. Children borrow calm, learn meaning, and gradually build the capacity to regulate themselves through relationship. Co-regulation isn’t a parenting trend — it’s the cornerstone of emotional development.
Research references (evidence-based)
Ruth Feldman – Bio-behavioural synchrony research demonstrating that attuned caregiver–child interactions predict later self-regulation and emotional competence (Feldman, 2003; 2012).
Edward Tronick – Mutual Regulation Model and Still-Face paradigm showing that infants rely on caregiver responsiveness to regulate distress before self-regulation emerges.
György Gergely & Watson – Social biofeedback model explaining how contingent adult responses teach children to understand and regulate internal emotional states.
Murray et al. (2019) – Applied developmental model positioning co-regulation as a core mechanism through which self-regulation develops across childhood.
Bornstein et al. (2023) – Reviews framing co-regulation as a multilevel biological and relational process foundational to emotional regulation.
