04/26/2026
“Change is the only constant, and I am one with this.”
“My empathy is the gateway to true intimacy.”
I had some wild conversations last week relating to my career. It was validating to have confirmation of my experience, and to finally say how I felt about it and be heard. It was also really sad because even though I was right, the damage that was done is somewhat irreversible. We can only work on our side of the street and sometimes that isn’t enough to change a circumstance. Direct communication is my preference, but not everyone is comfortable engaging, or maybe even capable. It serves no one for me to get stuck on that.
The lessons I’ve been walking through (more like crawling on my hands and knees) have greatly shifted where I now focus my energy.
For too long, I was bleeding it out and unable to stop it, just suffering and growing fearful and paranoid. In the background I clung on to my belief that sometimes the gnarliest parts of a journey lead to the most glorious on the other side. My faith in the process + my loved ones who reminded me who I am every day that I doubted myself = hope. Tenacity and sheer stubbornness help, too.
I know what I’m meant to do in this world. I know who I’m meant to help, who I’m meant to advocate for, and who I need to learn from. I also now know a lot more about what I need to keep away from, stay out of, and how to let some things go. I know more about how to take care of myself and maintain energetic boundaries. To stay firm in my values, but flexible in my approach.
I now know that I can end up on the floor of my kitchen, hyperventilating and screaming, in a full-on panic attack, feeling like I might not be able to keep going - but here I still am.
I now know that what I’ve experienced as uncontrollable emotional spirals- despite all the stepwork, therapy, energy healing, and endlessly vigilant work on myself- are sensory meltdowns and not something that I can “fix” or a sign I’ve not been thorough or tried hard enough to heal. My brain processes input differently than a lot of people. I feel deeply, I experience it all at level 11, and some of my most prized “personality traits” result from my pattern recognition and hypersensitive intuition.
There are gifts about this, 100%. And there are also some very disturbing and painful layers. A lifetime of feeling like something is wrong with me, not understanding why people accuse me of arguing when I thought we were just having a conversation, knowing something isn’t right or ok but being met with gaslighting and blame, feeling horrifically self-righteous when confronted with others’ lack of accountability and projections, being too much, inappropriate, unprofessional.
I’ve worked so hard to dislodge my shame and integrate who I am to walk through the world with integrity. And it has lead me here. Here to work with kids and with adults who share my values, here to help others’ awaken to their inner truths and reclaim their identity, here to develop an empowered and embodied presence in parts of society that are energetically infested with darkness.
I went from hearing news I wasn’t expecting and screaming about it for a day and a half, to shifting my plans in a direction that I’m so so excited about. Inspired to be part of. New connections and opportunities that I would not have accessed had things gone “smoothly” and “according to plan”.
I am endlessly entertained by the twists and turns of the journey. I feel like I know where it’s leading, but I still end up surprised.
It’s humbling. Terrifying. Exhilarating.
I’ve been told many times I say/write too much and it’s hard for some people to follow and digest. I completely respect that. I have become willing to use AI to summarize my work communication in order to accommodate, and I’ve been already learning a lot about how I can get my point across in less words. I also don’t think I’d have developed this insatiable need to explain myself if I’d felt heard and understood more throughout my life, but that continues to be MY work.
And in the meantime I’m here on my personal fb page talking exactly how I want to and I just love that.
May we all end up traveling the sacred path of authenticity. 🫶🏼🌸🩵
