Convo

Convo Experts in mental health, relationships, families, and child development.

How we define the problem shapes how we respond.If we focus only on “getting the child to separate,” we may miss what th...
04/24/2026

How we define the problem shapes how we respond.
If we focus only on “getting the child to separate,” we may miss what the child is struggling to manage.

Sometimes separation is not the problem.
It is where the problem becomes visible.

Instead of asking:
How do I make my child separate more easily?

Try asking:
What support does my child need to manage what feels hard right now?

That question often leads us closer to the real work.

Remember:
Attachment is not the obstacle to independence.
It is often the pathway to it.

Children grow independent not by losing support,
but by building confidence through it.

In collective trauma, not all trauma is the same, and that distinction matters.Primary trauma does not only describe the...
04/03/2026

In collective trauma, not all trauma is the same, and that distinction matters.

Primary trauma does not only describe the experiences of those physically present at the scene of a violent event or disaster. It describes, in general, the experience and reactivity to real threat or loss: a partner on the phone, a staff member whose sense of safety shattered, a community member whose world no longer feels secure.

Secondary trauma is different. It comes from bearing witness to others’ stories and pain.

Within each category exist varying levels of severity, based on many things, but especially based on how intense the perceived risk was/is.

When we blur this line, we risk misplacing care, minimizing those most impacted while misunderstanding our own experiences. This is not about comparing suffering. It is about clarity, so support can go where it is most needed, and so each of us can locate ourselves honestly within the story.

Cortisol isn’t the enemy. It’s your body trying to help you function, focus, and move through the day.After trauma or ch...
04/02/2026

Cortisol isn’t the enemy. It’s your body trying to help you function, focus, and move through the day.

After trauma or chronic stress, that natural rhythm can get disrupted, leaving you feeling wired, exhausted, or both.

The good news is that regulation doesn’t come from one big fix. It comes from small, repeated experiences of safety, connection, and balance over time.

Movement. Sunlight. Laughter. Music. Touch. Rest.
These are not extras. They are how we come back to ourselves.

And still, no strategy can replace the need for environments that are truly safe, humane, and supportive. That is where healing begins.

The goal isn’t to NOT feel. The goal is to stay connected and trust that over time connection leads to sustainable menta...
03/13/2026

The goal isn’t to NOT feel. The goal is to stay connected and trust that over time connection leads to sustainable mental well-being. We will get there. Together.

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03/13/2026

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Tonight I went on local news Fox 2 to talk about how to talk to kids about war. The anchor Roop Raj started in a place t...
03/11/2026

Tonight I went on local news Fox 2 to talk about how to talk to kids about war. The anchor Roop Raj started in a place that was very personal for me… for many parents watching (and remember, this is local Detroit news, that’s the audience) this is prolonged war over years in a region that is not foreign and unknown but to which many of us are deeply connected. We’ve BEEN talking about it. We are TRYING to be anything but helpless. We are TRYING to parent children who are informed, strong, and engaged…we NEED them to be ready to make this world better. The classic textbook advice about children’s exposure to hard things, via the news and social media, has always been to center concerns about their potential secondary trauma—limit their exposure, stay vigilant about their worry. And that matters. But I have always said… it matters just as much that they have FACTS. It matters to people directly impacted that we are ALL teaching our kids history, sociopolitics, and ethics at home. And when it comes to mental health—which is not just about an individual person’s mood, is it about sustaining a world where all humans can thrive—my children, your children need ALL children to be informed. Parenting around hard things can’t be the sum total of holding your breath about what they might hear and see. It absolutely must involve IRL convos where children can trust adults to answer their questions and offer reliable ways to discuss, debate, and learn.

Imagination is the most powerful tool we have–and it's important that everyone is encouraged to embrace it.
02/27/2026

Imagination is the most powerful tool we have–and it's important that everyone is encouraged to embrace it.

Believe it or not, this can be very personal. There are some things that would signal a betrayal to most of us: cheating...
02/20/2026

Believe it or not, this can be very personal. There are some things that would signal a betrayal to most of us: cheating or stealing, for examples. However, it is just as common for people to be in my office and tell me that their partner broke trust over time, a thousand paper cuts adding up. Too little follow through on commitments. Too many “jokes” made at one’s expense. Too little attention paid to bids for connection.

It’s the division of labor and the ways that you work together as a team to accomplish the goals in your life.
02/17/2026

It’s the division of labor and the ways that you work together as a team to accomplish the goals in your life.

Cultivating belongingness at home is subtle and small. It’s about the ways you do like and not only love each other. Bes...
02/13/2026

Cultivating belongingness at home is subtle and small. It’s about the ways you do like and not only love each other. Best qualities, quirks, feelings, thoughts, and interests…all of what makes them uniquely them. Belongingness is the state of how you feel to be at home, it’s the ways the little efforts at connection make you believe that who you are, in small and big ways, is valued.

For children to thrive, the home must be a place of peace, love, and comfort. We role model the kinds of families we wan...
02/06/2026

For children to thrive, the home must be a place of peace, love, and comfort. We role model the kinds of families we want to see perpetuated. For the next month, I’ll devote content to couple and adult relationships. Spoiler alert: not everything is about communication.

What questions do you have? Feel free to leave here or private message me.

Even if anonymized, I consider the therapeutic relationship sacred, and I never want my clients to worry that something ...
02/03/2026

Even if anonymized, I consider the therapeutic relationship sacred, and I never want my clients to worry that something they say could end up repeated elsewhere. When I do share real questions from real people, they have reached out here on social media and consented to have that specific question or comment shared publicly.

But at the same time, I do see how valuable it is for people to see real stories and experiences on social media. We all need to know that we aren’t alone, that our personal struggles are shared…normal even. It strengthens us to know other people face similar challenges and also that means professionals like me, hearing similar stories on repeat over the years, have strategies to share.

So, I’m going to be sharing some more big themes and lessons I’ve learned over time talking with all kinds of couples in all kinds of moments... things I’ve learned about marriage and partnership from providing couples therapy for 22 years.

As an important note: nothing I post is a replacement for therapy or tailored support. Much of the advice I will share here is about increasing partnership and connection, which is often contraindicated in the presence of abuse and/or true, unacknowledged and untreated types of diagnoses, such as personality disorders.

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