Total Health & Wellness Associates, PLLC

12/25/2025

This is something that couples will benefit from considering and addressing, if what is described here applies. This dynamic is more common than many realize!

12/24/2025

This!

12/23/2025

The language - terminology - used to describe events that are common for those who’ve experienced complex relational trauma may lead to a strong reaction at first. We encourage you to take a pause, breathe deeply, and get curious. How does this resonate for you?

12/14/2025

“This might be my favorite internet post of all times.” - Dr. Juliao

In an era when so many individuals seek support, education, and “THE answers” on the internet, to have a professional state that each individual is the expert on themselves and that the content posted is simply meant to be helpful when it resonates is refreshing.

YOU are the expert on you. The professionals supporting you are guides to assist you to find the “blueprint” to healing that works best for YOU.

11/26/2025

Get ready for 5 full days of Black Friday savings with my Whole for the Holidays Sale at Fullscript, 11/28 - 12/2.

Sign up for my store today so you won’t miss exclusive savings on high-quality supplements from brands you know and trust.

https://us.fullscript.com/welcome/thwa

11/26/2025

Important concepts to understand as parents who are healing from their own childhood wounds.

If you’ve ever heard yourself say something to your child and thought, “Oh God… that sounded just like my parent,” it hits like a punch to the gut.

Most people respond by beating themselves up: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop? Why am I doing the very thing that hurt me?

But beating yourself up never creates change. It just pushes you deeper into the very patterns you’re trying to break.

And those patterns aren’t always about being “overwhelmed.” Sometimes you’re scared.
Sometimes you’re trying to protect your child the only way you were taught. Sometimes a small moment hits a deep, unhealed place.

And sometimes your body just defaults to the blueprint it was handed.

None of this excuses hurtful behavior.
But it does explain why “trying harder” hasn’t worked.

Real change starts with pausing long enough to understand what was actually happening inside you a not from shame, but from clarity.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself in the moment:

❓What was I trying to do just now—protect, control, prevent, avoid, or calm? (There’s always an intent behind the reaction, even if it came out harsh.)

❓What did that moment touch in me - fear, old helplessness, rejection, shame? (Your child activated a wound, not a flaw.)

❓What did I need growing up that I didn’t get here - reassurance, patience, softness, space? (Whatever you needed then is usually what your child needs now.)

❓What would help me respond from the adult me, not the protective, wounded me?

When you meet these moments with honesty and compassion instead of shame, your system actually starts to learn something new.

Breaking the cycle doesn’t start with never messing up.
It starts with noticing, repairing, and choosing again.

11/19/2025

Today seems to be a day to reflect upon nervous system functioning, safety, and interpersonal connection.

More words of wisdom…

11/06/2025

Is there safety in your relationships that allows you to be authentic?…that allows space for otherness?

We often think relational conflict is about *the issue* — politics, parenting styles, how the dishwasher is loaded.

But in couples and families, what causes pain isn’t that we see the world differently — it’s that we don’t make room for each other’s *otherness.*

This week in my New York Times column, I respond to a grandmother worried about expressing her faith around her atheist daughter-in-law and new grandchild.

As I write: “This might seem like a difference about faith, but I think this is fundamentally an issue about the freedom to be authentic.”

🔗 Read my advice in The New York Times: bit.ly/3WHMrbs

✉️ Got a dilemma you want help with? Email me! askthetherapist@nytimes.com

🔔 Subscribe to the column: bit.ly/4mZtJaN