Brook L. McKay, Therapy

12/25/2025

SUNSHINE. This annual singing tradition began with my son Oliver (who was born on Christmas Day) the year the pandemic started because music truly brings people together; it is after all a universal language.⁣

Rather than a sing-along this year, we wanted to remind people there is still hope in this crazy world and ‘Cover Me in Sunshine’ was the perfect choice. As the song lyrics sung by + willow say, ‘…everything will be alright’.⁣

With that said, the holiday season can be a very unsettling, stressful and lonely time for many.⁣
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Please know you are not alone out there in this crazy world and seek out the support you need: www.psychologytoday.com⁣

Homework: Find your sunshine, even in the rain.⁣
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Guitar/Vocals: Oliver (12 today!)⁣
Vocals: Brook (46)⁣
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12/22/2025

REST. Life can be exhausting, especially this time of year. Knowing when to pause prevents burnout rather than you giving up altogether due to mental, emotional and physical fatigue. ⁣
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Nobody functions at their best without an intentional recharge. Think of recharging as being more productive, than trying to do it all on an empty tank. Give yourself some grace and reevaluate your pursuit of happiness by ensuring you are prioritizing your mental health above all else this holiday season and beyond.⁣
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Homework: Rest and recharge by doing what brings you joy, then return to the task at hand. ⁣
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12/15/2025

REAL-FAKE. Is it cake or is it a car? In a world where distinguishing between what is real vs. fake has become a very blurred line, we need to maintain a grasp on reality. With false portrayals on social media, friends or co-workers faking a relationship for personal gain, repeated exposure to false ads and contradictory news media, catfishing and then some, it is no wonder we are in a perpetual state of cognitive dissonance these days. ⁣
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So how do we determine what is real anymore? It requires critical thinking and common sense. When in a state of cognitive dissonance, we want to resolve the negative feeling that emerges from a contradiction in thought, even if it means rationalizing what is not real. For example, you meet someone on a dating app who seems to be an ideal match through text and picture exchanges. You have been chatting for a month, but the person continues to provide excuses for not meeting up in person. You might tell yourself all the excuses are very reasonable because you want to believe the relationship is real, but the account is a fake. By being skeptical (questioning) rather than just accepting or rationalizing what is presented as truth can help us all differentiate between real vs. fake.⁣
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Homework: Don’t lose touch with what’s real in your life by questioning your reality.⁣
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Photo credit: Every year our son gives me a birthday cake challenge and since he is saving to buy a car simulator, the only request could be a cake.⁣

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12/08/2025

VOGUE. Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it. The current in vogue event is for ‘mature’ club-goers who want their beauty sleep, but love to dance to EDM from a certain era. Yet, beyond the day club trend, dancing is therapy.⁣
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Psychology research shows dancing increases serotonin aka: feel-good hormones, reduces stress, helps develop neural connections, improves mental health, counteracts age-related cognitive decline and so much more. Dancing allows you to express yourself through movement and socially connect with others, not to mention a fun way to stay fit at any age. ⁣
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Madonna had it right with her hit song, Vogue. Dancing lets you escape your worries, if even for just one song.⁣
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Homework: Channel your inner Madonna – get on the dance floor and let your body move to the music over the holiday season! ⁣
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12/01/2025

FIRE. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘if you play with fire, then you’ll get burned’. For the most part this statement is true. If you choose to get involved in a potentially risky or harmful situation, then negative consequences can ensue.⁣
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At some point in every relationship, career, or venture, we will find ourselves walking into the fire. Fire, referring to a place of deep uncertainty and discomfort. Yet, taking risks does not always lead to negative outcomes. In life, it is not allowing fear to prevent us from taking a risk because in the past we got ‘burned’. When we let fear talk ourselves out of asking a person we fancy on a date, changing careers, or ending a relationship, then we are denying ourselves potential happiness by not taking a risk.⁣
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Homework: Take a calculated risk – don’t let fear allow you to get burned in life.⁣

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11/24/2025

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LOVE-HATE. Ironically, these two extremes of human emotion can coexist. Sadly, love can turn to hate in a matter of minutes with a significant other in your life, but how and why? The simple answer - reciprocity.⁣
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For example, we invest in a relationship for years. We reveal our authentic self – the good, the bad and the ugly. We become vulnerable by being ourselves and trust this person with our vulnerabilities; a calculated risk in any meaningful relationship. When this person hurts, disrespects, ignores or neglects us, then resentment sets in and trust is broken. The relationship becomes one-sided and prone to conflict and hate, but that does not mean love is lost. It just means the other person is not loving us back in the way we need or deserve.⁣
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At the end of the day, the love-hate relationship boils down to our ongoing need for balance between connection and autonomy. To love another (connection) without losing ourselves (autonomy) and being consumed by hate (when reciprocity is not in balance).⁣
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Food for thought . . . research suggests that love and hate can activate similar regions in the brain, which supports the idea that both emotions can co-exist and be felt in relation to the same person.⁣
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Homework: Transform something you hate into something you can love.⁣
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Artwork explained per : The hands of an LA Gang Member. Location and identification confidential. Observations of the intriguing choices humans make as individuals to protect and project themselves through adornments, material possessions, verbal and emotional armor.⁣
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We all construct our narrative and create mental walls to communicate to the world how comfortable we are in our own skin and how close we are willing to let others come into our life story.⁣
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Materials: Giclée archival print, hand-blown glass lettering, red & blue neon, black acrylic box mount⁣
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11/17/2025

ENCOURAGE. Hanging 296 meters off the 75th floor off a building is not for the faint of heart. For some it is a rush and for others a fear. Yet, as with any task, it is usually mind over matter.⁣
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In life it helps to be encouraged by others to push boundaries and overcome our mental blocks. I am sure you can think of a time when someone believed in you when you were doubting yourself. In a world where we often get discouraged, it is worth knowing we have allies who want to see us succeed at accomplishing our goals or overcoming our fears.⁣
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For example, while ‘tiny’ anxiously retreated on our first attempt together at the I-Tilt, he gave it another try on his own. The way we made it back was by listing all the challenging things he had overcome in the past, which allowed us to reframe his thinking and take some of the fear out of the equation. In the end, he daringly/boldly/bravely did it - a little encouragement goes a long way!⁣
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Homework: Encourage someone you care about to do the thing they find challenging and in doing so, remind them of all they have accomplished thus far. You got this!⁣
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11/10/2025

CLOSER. Many of us with clear skies had a fortunate viewing of the majestic supermoon this past week. Of course, as a full moon orbits closer to earth, it appears larger and brighter than usual. Like a moth to a flame, we as humans are drawn to the moon, but why?⁣
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In the world of astrology, the moon is revered to reveal our moon sign. For some there is a spiritual significance to the moon with different rituals and meaning for each phase. For others it is knowing this shared experience brings us all closer together, if even for a moment of light in a dark sky.⁣
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Whatever the reason, one thing is certain, the moon brings people together free of charge and lets know we are not alone in this world.⁣
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Homework: Gaze at the next supermoon on December 4th/5th, 2025 and know that in a world divided, we bring ourselves one step closer together in a moment of awe and wonder.⁣
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Photo credit: My Google Pixel 8 Pro camera unfiltered.⁣
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#2025

11/03/2025

PROTECT. There is an instinctual drive to keep children safe, especially knowing there is an opposing force that can intentionally harm them. Getting the balance right between protecting children and overprotecting is difficult. If we constantly shield a child from every external threat, we can instill physiological states of threat, anxiety, stress and distrust. That is, if we consistently prevent a child from navigating a challenging situation on their own such as standing up for themselves to a bully or riding their bike to a friend’s house, then we are not encouraging self-growth.⁣
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At the end of the day, we want children to develop independence and resilience. We do this by being a secure base children can rely on when needed, but allowing them to navigate on their own, when the risk is manageable.⁣
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Homework: Protect children with restraint when the situation is warranted for their development.⁣
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10/27/2025

PAST. Does your past dictate your future? It can, but despite your past, you have the ability to change your trajectory. Grammatically, the past, present, perfect tense tells us an action occurred in the past, continued for a while, and then ended before the present. For example, ‘I was in a toxic relationship for years until one day I decided to leave.’ or ‘I suffered from depression for months until I finally sought therapy.’⁣
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All this to say, the cause and effect in the continuum of life is rooted in our past. Yet our past does not dictate our tomorrow, unless we let it. We can all learn from past experiences to create a better version of ourselves in the present.⁣
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Homework: Ask yourself, what past experience continued for some time and you eventually chose a different path? What was the catalyst of change?⁣
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Brook L. McKay is a limited license psychologist providing individual and couples therapy (telehealth/online therapy services only).

10/20/2025

HEALING. It is a process and not an easy thing to do emotionally or physically. Not any one of us is trauma free in the sense we have all experienced or witnessed some form of abuse or loss (see 🐘 video in comments).
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Take this majestic female elephant who was once owned and abused for financial gain. Now she is able to heal where she is in a safe and nurturing space, but yet the scars of her past remain. ⁣
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We all carry these scars in the hopes of trying to heal and free ourselves of the pain attached to these memories. We might choose unhealthy coping tools to repress or avoid the hurt we attach to these undesirable moments in time, but this is not a long-term solution. To truly heal, we must accept we are always in the process of healing and recovering by resisting the urge to ignore the pain. We face it. We use our pain to grow more resilient and find our safe space surrounded by those who care about us and protect us.⁣
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Homework: Ask yourself what are you healing from? Now commit to starting your healing process.
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NB: If you ever get the chance to go to Koh Samui, Thailand, then give this experience of a lifetime a try at the Samui Elephant Sanctuary!
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10/13/2025

⁣OUTLOOK. How we perceive our outlook on life varies significantly depending on our mood each day. You can wake up and choose to let a negative mindset control your life or you can choose to have a more positive outlook.⁣
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For example, let’s say you were in a long-term relationship and have recently been dumped. You start to think you will never find love again, life feels unbearable and your thoughts end up in a negativity loop. It is only human to be angry, sad and heartbroken, but if you are unable to eventually flip the script, then your perception of life (and love) will be ‘colored’ more negatively. ⁣
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Instead, a more positive outlook to being dumped requires you to cognitively reframe the situation. You start to think about how this wasn’t the right person for you and how over time you will find someone else who deserves you, for you. You view this as an opportunity to explore your options and perceive the positive possibilities in life. ⁣
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At the end of the day, your outlook on life is a choice, no matter the situation. Level up.⁣
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Homework: What is your outlook on life at this very moment? If negative, try to flip the script.⁣
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