Christians in Recovery

Christians in Recovery A Christ-Centered 12 Step Recovery Devotional Page.

We hope to encourage, challenge and help you grow in your recovery journey with Jesus Christ as your Higher Power.

God speaks in quiet moments, even behind the steering wheel.Recovery On the GoYour ears will hear a command behind you s...
12/05/2025

God speaks in quiet moments, even behind the steering wheel.

Recovery On the Go

Your ears will hear a command behind you saying, “This is the way. Walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

Yesterday I had an early morning doctor appointment, and it threw off my whole rhythm. I had to leave the house much earlier than normal, which meant no time for my regular routine. Every morning I grab a cup of coffee, sit in my chair, read, pray, meditate, and get centered. It is my anchor. When I realized I would not have time for any of that, I was frustrated. I had not even thought about how this appointment would affect my morning ritual. I rushed to get ready and headed out the door with my mind still irritated.

As I drove, I felt God prompting me with a question, why was I so bothered and upset by this? I said to myself it was because I missed my devotion time, but inwardly I knew there was something deeper, there always is. As I got quiet, I saw it. It was control and insecurity. My routine helps me feel safe and grounded. Then another new thought came to me. Why not have my “me” time right now while driving? I could not read, but I could still pray. I could still meditate. I could still think about how to live the principles today. That simple shift opened up something new in me. I realized I do not have to be tied to a specific ritual for it to count. I can connect with God and focus on my recovery anywhere, anytime. These tools travel with me. My spiritual life is not limited to one chair and one timeframe.

By the time I reached the appointment, I felt great. I was more centered than when I left the house. I gave myself grace and remembered something important; I have a program. The program does not have me. Routines may help me, but they do not own me. Missing one reading does not mean I failed. It simply means I get to practice flexibility and trust that God meets me wherever I am. If I want, I can always read later. When I am flexible and embrace new ideas, I am learning and growing. I am improving my conscious contact with God. It is when I connect with Him and not a routine that I truly feel safe.

Prayer:
Father, thank You that my recovery tools travel with me. Help me stay flexible and open so I can connect with You anywhere and in any moment. Teach me to trust You more than my routines, and remind me that You always meet me right where I am.

I used to feel fear when paying bills. Today I felt gratitude. That’s recovery in action.Paying Bills?Do not be anxious ...
12/04/2025

I used to feel fear when paying bills. Today I felt gratitude. That’s recovery in action.

Paying Bills?

Do not be anxious about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6

Today I had to pay my bills, and it upsets me. I do not like having to give away the money I work so hard for just to exist. I know intellectually it is just part of life, and my thinking is insane. At least that is what Step 2 tells me. But I resent it, and I put it off because I feel out of control. I am still doing step work to understand all the roots of these thoughts and feelings. If I had to guess, I am sure it comes from feeling abandoned and unsafe when I was a child. But something different happened today. After I felt the anxiety, it melted away, and I started to feel grateful. I was thankful that I had the money to pay my bills when they were due. Surprised and appreciative, I began thanking God for this new reality.

In my mind, paying bills is just a mundane thing to most people, but for me it is something I avoid until it is absolutely necessary. Even though I have the money, it is tied to me feeling safe. I do not like spending my last dollar. I want to be able to pay what I owe and still have something left, and today I was able to do that. I am not wealthy, but I am able to pay my bills and have money left over, and that gives me peace. It makes me feel better as a husband, a father, and a provider. It also reminds me gently that I am not living in the fear and chaos that used to rule me before recovery. I can now breathe easier and rest in my mind, which releases the tension in my body. That makes all the difference.

Working these principles helps me put things in their proper perspective, sometimes like in this situation, without even realizing it is happening. God is working in the background, in the in-between moments where I am not paying attention. I do not have to panic over what I cannot control. I am learning to accept life as it is, even the parts that feel uncomfortable. When I do the next right thing, God takes care of the outcomes. That truth comforts me and helps me let go of the fear that imprisoned me. I am becoming more aware that the spiritual awakening, the serenity I seek, is actually happening.

Prayer:
Father, thank You for providing what I need today and every day. Help me always trust that you are good and will keep me safe even when fear tries to rise up in me. Teach me to recognize Your hand at work even in the small places of my life. Amen.

I used to feel fear when paying bills. Today I felt gratitude. That’s recovery in action.Paying Bills?Do not be anxious ...
12/04/2025

I used to feel fear when paying bills. Today I felt gratitude. That’s recovery in action.

Paying Bills?

Do not be anxious about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6

Today I had to pay my bills, and it upsets me. I do not like having to give away the money I work so hard for just to exist. I know intellectually it is just part of life, and my thinking is insane. At least that is what Step 2 tells me. But I resent it, and I put it off because I feel out of control. I am still doing step work to understand all the roots of these thoughts and feelings. If I had to guess, I am sure it comes from feeling abandoned and unsafe when I was a child. But something different happened today. After I felt the anxiety, it melted away, and I started to feel grateful. I was thankful that I had the money to pay my bills when they were due. Surprised and appreciative, I began thanking God for this new reality.

In my mind, paying bills is just a mundane thing to most people, but for me it is something I avoid until it is absolutely necessary. Even though I have the money, it is tied to me feeling safe. I do not like spending my last dollar. I want to be able to pay what I owe and still have something left, and today I was able to do that. I am not wealthy, but I am able to pay my bills and have money left over, and that gives me peace. It makes me feel better as a husband, a father, and a provider. It also reminds me gently that I am not living in the fear and chaos that used to rule me before recovery. I can now breathe easier and rest in my mind, which releases the tension in my body. That makes all the difference.

Working these principles helps me put things in their proper perspective, sometimes like in this situation, without even realizing it is happening. God is working in the background, in the in-between moments where I am not paying attention. I do not have to panic over what I cannot control. I am learning to accept life as it is, even the parts that feel uncomfortable. When I do the next right thing, God takes care of the outcomes. That truth comforts me and helps me let go of the fear that imprisoned me. I am becoming more aware that the spiritual awakening, the serenity I seek, is actually happening.

Prayer:
Father, thank You for providing what I need today and every day. Help me always trust that you are good and will keep me safe even when fear tries to rise up in me. Teach me to recognize Your hand at work even in the small places of my life. Amen.

Sometimes clarity starts with doing the things I don’t want to do.Scraping IceWe can’t allow ourselves to get tired of l...
12/03/2025

Sometimes clarity starts with doing the things I don’t want to do.

Scraping Ice

We can’t allow ourselves to get tired of living the right way. Galatians 6:9

One of my “favorite“ things to do in the winter is scraping the ice off the windshield of my car every morning. I say that tongue in cheek because it is one of my least favorite things. I stand there in the cold, hands hurting, clothes getting wet and wishing the ice would magically just disappear. I am a hot weather person and I would take a hot sunny day over a cold day every single day and twice on Sunday. If I was to say I hate cold weather I don’t think that would be too strong a word. As I was begrudgingly clearing my windows of this loathsome task, I started thinking about other things in my life that I don’t like to do, but I do them anyway. It is frustrating, inconvenient, and uncomfortable… but the payoff is greater than the pain. In this case the windshield clears. My day moves forward. The discomfort has a purpose and eventually passes.

I started thinking about how recovery has been the same way. There were things I didn’t want to face, and for years I avoided them. I pretended they weren’t there, hoping they would melt on their own. My sponsor once told me that in order to recover I needed “face everything and recover.” That was his acronym for fear, and apparently I had a lot of it and didn’t see it in myself. I didn’t like it, but I needed it. I have learned that the only way out is through. I couldn’t run, hide, ignore, or avoid anymore. I had to face the decisions, the conversations, the truths, the parts of myself I didn’t want to see. Moment by moment and a little bit at a time.

Today I’m grateful because, by working the steps, I can now confront those things that I avoided and ran from before. I am learning how to face the challenges in front of me one by one. I try to focus on doing what’s right for today, and trust that God will handle the outcomes. This allows me to take in grace with each breath and let out fear with each exhale. And little by little, I am seeing things more clearly.

Prayer:
Father, thank You for helping me face the things I would rather avoid. Give me the strength to keep doing what is right even when it feels uncomfortable. Help me trust that each step forward matters and that You are clearing my view as I keep moving. Amen.

I didn’t get chosen to share, but God chose to teach me something anywayPracticing SurrenderGod will continually revital...
12/02/2025

I didn’t get chosen to share, but God chose to teach me something anyway

Practicing Surrender

God will continually revitalize you, implanting within you the passion to do what pleases Him. Philippians 2:13

I was in a tag meeting last night, and I was new to the group, so I didn’t think I would get chosen. The topic was how to know when I have surrendered my will to God, and I really wanted to share. I scribbled some notes in my journal and thought I had something good to offer. But I never got selected and I was disappointed. After the meeting I felt the sting of being let down, as that old feeling of being unnoticed started to surface. I recognized it and then told myself I could be grateful instead. And that I really do have tools now, that help me recognize when I am surrendering my will to God. As I looked back at the notes I scribbled, I decided to practice them and apply them to what I was feeling right then. When I did, my perspective changed from being disappointed and hurt to being grateful and seen.

Before coming to recovery, I constantly sought God’s will and hoped that I was seeing it, but I never knew if I actually was. Now I can know. When I put the principles of recovery into practice I know I am surrendering. I truly want to know what His will is, but I want to know right now. Control much? Yep. That one stung a bit, realizing that I was really trying to control God’s will. And it surprised me how quickly that old urge to take over came back. It is simply just another form of fear in me. The gift for me now is that I can surrender even when I don’t know anything yet. I can trust that He will guide me and help me through the process. And when I use the tools I have learned, I can tell when I’m doing that, little by little. I don’t have to be perfect and I don’t have to practice it perfectly, I just have to be willing and try.

These are the notes I scribbled down and the tools I use to know when and if I am surrendering. When I transition from asking why something happened to asking what I can do about it. Praying and asking God for help when I need help. Writing about it and finding out what my part is. Going to meetings, plural, one more than I think I need. Talking to my sponsor. Being willing to change. These simple things help loosen my grip, and I can let go and let God. And I realize that surrender is something I practice all the time, not just at meetings.

Prayer:
Father, thank You for meeting me in the places where I feel let down or unnoticed. Remind me that You always see me and You always guide me. Help me practice surrender, little by little, with a willing heart. Amen.

My thoughts lied to me again… and God met me with truth, not shame.My Crazy ThinkingHe will bring to light what is hidde...
12/01/2025

My thoughts lied to me again… and God met me with truth, not shame.

My Crazy Thinking

He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and reveal the motives of people’s hearts. 1 Corinthians 4:5

Last week at work a couple people requested vacation time, and I felt that little resentful reaction start to rise up in me. I want vacation too. It’s one of the benefits of my job, and it grows every year, which I really appreciate. My sponsor always reminds me to ask myself, “What’s my part?” and when I finally stopped to ask myself that, my thinking started to shift. I moved from “Why don’t I ever get vacation?” to “Why don’t I ever ask for it?” That was the moment I had to get honest with myself. I’m not a victim here. I’m the one who never asks for time off. I rarely request vacation unless it’s for an appointment or some obligation. So I used an old recovery tool and did a 4th step inventory on it. I sat and really thought about it. I prayed and asked God to show me. And I asked myself why I don’t ever ask to take the vacation time I’m given.

At first I only came up with the easy surface answers. Do I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility? No. That’s just pride pretending to be responsibility. Do I think I’m more important than I really am? Maybe. Then I stopped and asked myself, what am I actually feeling? I started noticing ideas like “What would they do if I wasn’t here?” or “Who is going to fix the problems that come up?” And that’s when fear showed up. I thought, “What if something needs to be done and I’m not there to do it?” I had convinced myself that my boss would be disappointed in me. Then the real fear hit me: “If they don’t need me, someone else could do my job. They might realize they don’t need me at all.” It brings up the old feelings that I’m replaceable, not wanted, and unloved. Underneath it all was the same familiar fear of rejection and fear of abandonment, pointing me right back to that old belief that I’m not good enough. It’s crazy thinking, I know, but don’t think at me like that. Step 2 says you’re insane too.

I’m grateful for recovery tools that help me slow down and notice when old thought patterns or uncomfortable feelings start to surface. I remind myself to ask questions like “What button is being pushed?” and “Which character defect is showing up?” After I answer these questions, I usually identify what’s going on and then deal with it. When I own that this is my issue, not anyone else’s, I begin to shift my perspective. The truth is the company survived many years before I got there, and it would survive without me there. As important as I like to think I am, they would figure it out. Once I saw that fear sat underneath the resentment, it became easier to surrender it to God and let it go. Then I made a decision to do the next right thing: ask for vacation and trust God with the outcome. And guess what? My request was granted, and I rested on my vacation without worrying about work or what might fall apart without me there to fix it. And I felt a solid peace inside because I know I handled it in a healthy way.

Prayer:
Father, thank You for showing me what was hidden under my resentment. Thank You for bringing the real motives of my heart into the light so I could see what I was afraid to face. Help me keep noticing the fears that try to run my thinking. Help me stay honest, willing, and surrendered. Give me the courage to take healthy steps, trust You with the outcome, and rest in the peace You give. Amen.

God uses the smallest moments to show me my heart.Why Am I the One Who…?So if you know of an opportunity to do the right...
11/28/2025

God uses the smallest moments to show me my heart.

Why Am I the One Who…?

So if you know of an opportunity to do the right thing today, yet you refrain from doing it, you’re guilty of sin. James 4:17

The other day at work I went to get some water, and the machine was empty again because no one had changed the bottle. I had to change it, and right away I felt that familiar frustration rising up. Why am I always the one who has to change it? Why doesn’t anyone else do it? I changed the bottle, got my water, and moved on with my day. Later at home I went to throw something away and the trash was overflowing. I had the same exact feeling and the same exact thought. Why am I always the one who has to empty it? But when I stopped and looked at the facts, it wasn’t true at work and it wasn’t true at home. I’m not always the one doing it. Something else was happening in me.

As soon as I felt that surge of annoyance, something deeper came forward. I didn’t just feel frustrated. I felt unimportant. I felt not good enough. I felt like my needs didn’t matter. And when I caught myself at home with the trash, I asked myself, “I felt this earlier… when?” And then it was like watching a movie in my mind. I saw the water bottle situation at work play out again, and I realized this wasn’t about water or trash. This was about me. My timing. My expectations. My need for things to go how I want them to go. And underneath all of that was a struggle I face every day without even noticing. I feel unseen when life doesn’t go according to my plan.

Recovery is teaching me to pay attention to these patterns. My sponsor always tells me that when I notice similar feelings popping up in different situations, to look for the common denominator, and I usually discover it’s me. What I’m learning is that if I slow down and just do the next right thing, even when it interrupts my plans, life gets simpler and my day becomes more peaceful. I don’t have to get stuck in resentment or old behaviors. I can pause, breathe in, and remember that God shows me these moments so that I can grow and become what He has planned for me. And for that I am supremely grateful.

Prayer:
Father, help me see the moments where I can do the next right thing. Give me a willing heart to accept things that don’t go my way and teach me to surrender the small things. Thank You for using these everyday moments to help me grow. Amen.

Holidays and family can get complicated, but God’s love is never ending.Unconditional LoveThis is what real love is. It ...
11/27/2025

Holidays and family can get complicated, but God’s love is never ending.

Unconditional Love
This is what real love is. It is not our love for God. It is God’s love for us. He sent His Son to die in our place to take away our sins. 1 John 4:10

During the holidays it can be so stressful. Dealing with family dynamics and dysfunction is challenging. Unresolved hurts and disturbing memories of the past, as well as new wounds that spring up and bring with them unbearable pain and resentment. Love then feels and becomes conditional, which leads to more hurt and even deeper resentment. And it continues on toward a never-ending downward spiral.

I am so glad that God never said He will only love us under certain conditions. He gave the ultimate sacrifice and still loves with abandon, without reservations or regrets. I’m glad He doesn’t need to protect Himself from us hurting Him more. This is what rejection looks like, but God never rejects those He loves, no matter what they do in return, whether real, imagined, or perceived. (Hint: we are those He loves)

Love does not return hurt for hurt. Love gives and gives and gives and gives and gives and gives. And then gives and gives and gives some more. Love never stops giving. That is what forgiveness is. It is giving love in advance of any wrongdoing, even when it is not deserved or reciprocated. Love gives even when it is not requested or asked for.

In these times we can be reminded that God is a perfect parent and find comfort in His care. His love is perfect toward you. He accepts without expectation, He loves without condition, and He forgives when it is not earned or requested.

Reflection
Where do I catch myself pulling back, protecting myself, or loving with conditions, and how can I let God teach me a better way today?

Prayer
Lord, thank You for loving me without conditions and without hesitation. Help me love my family the same way. Teach me to forgive quickly, give freely, and choose love even when old hurts rise up. Let Your unconditional love flow through me today. Amen.

Sometimes the truth is deeper than the words people use.Hearing With My HeartPeople’s thoughts can be like a deep well, ...
11/26/2025

Sometimes the truth is deeper than the words people use.

Hearing With My Heart

People’s thoughts can be like a deep well, but someone with understanding can find the wisdom there. Proverbs 20:5

Last week at work, a colleague and I had different ideas about how to solve a situation. We both thought we were right, and we both dug in a little. A couple of days later, they hinted that they were open to trying something different. The part that got me was that their new idea sounded vaguely similar to what I had originally suggested. I thanked them and started to walk away, but they stopped me and asked, “Really? You’re going to let it go that easily?” That question hit me harder than I expected. Inside, I realized that I was waiting for something else. I wanted them to acknowledge it the way I wanted it said. I wanted the neat little package with a bow on top. I wanted them to acknowledge that they were acquiescing. It took me a minute, but I finally realized that I was letting my pride get in the way of working together.

Recovery is teaching me that my way is not the only way, and sometimes not even the best way. I am learning that expecting people who are not doing recovery work to act or communicate with the same tools I am learning is unrealistic. Not everyone speaks directly. Not everyone apologizes clearly. Not everyone labels their thoughts or feelings the way I am learning to. Some people hint, imply, or suggest things in their own way. When I expect them to say it the way I want it said, and they do not, I end up feeling hurt or frustrated. I start listening to my pride instead of staying open minded. Pride tells me that if the words do not match my preferred version, then I am being disrespected. I start thinking they are trying to manipulate me, and sometimes they might be. But most of the time, that is just my old way of thinking trying to sneak back in, not my recovering mind.

What I am discovering is that I need to listen beneath the surface. I need to hear what is being communicated, not just how it is phrased. My colleague was trying to apologize, even though they never came out and said that. They were agreeing with my idea. They were offering movement. They were offering collaboration. And I almost missed it. Pride has a way of narrowing my view and making me judge the package instead of recognizing the gift. God helps me apply the principles of recovery to slow down, breathe, and look again. When I do that, I can hear what is actually being communicated and not just what is spoken. In this way I am becoming open minded and learning to live at peace with others.

Prayer:
God, help me hear people with humility and understanding. Teach me to listen beneath the surface, to recognize the heart behind the words, and to stay open to the wisdom You are showing me. Help me let go of my old thinking and walk in peace with those around me. Amen.

Letting go of yesterday by living differently today.Living AmendsWe know that our old life died with Christ on the cross...
11/25/2025

Letting go of yesterday by living differently today.

Living Amends

We know that our old life died with Christ on the cross so that the power of sin would be destroyed. We are no longer slaves to sin. Romans 6:6

I was thinking about my son this past week. He was born at Thanksgiving, and this time every year I am reminded of another thing to be thankful for. But not all the memories are good. His delivery was rough, and there were complications. He and his mom stayed in the hospital for several days, but I went home that night because family was coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. At the time I was a young retail manager, less than a year into the job, and terrified to ask for anything. The next morning was Black Friday, the busiest sales day of the year, and instead of being at the hospital with my newborn son, I went to work. Looking back, it breaks my heart that fear had that much power over me. I am embarrassed to admit that I left my wife and son alone after an emergency birth because I cared more about approval than presence. And the worst part? No one even noticed. No thank you, no good job, nothing. All that sacrifice, and it meant absolutely nothing. I carried that shame with me for years.

I have learned in recovery that I cannot rewrite that choice. I cannot go back and be the father or husband I should have been. I must stop wishing for a happier past. But what I can do is face the truth of who I was back then. I can admit that fear and people pleasing ran my life. I can admit that my thinking was so twisted that I believed showing up at work mattered more than showing up for my family. That kind of honesty hurts, but it is the only way I can grow. A living amends means I do not pretend it did not happen. It means I face the truth and ask God to change the patterns that drove me there in the first place. And then I allow Him to change me, by actually doing things differently.

So when my youngest daughter was born, I made a different choice. I asked for time off. Not just the day she was born, but the next few days too. I stayed with my wife. I held my daughter. I was present. And the feeling was completely different. There was no guilt, no shame, no heaviness following me around. Just gratitude, relief, and the sense that maybe I was finally becoming the man I always wanted to be.

That shift did not come from me trying harder. It came from working the steps with my sponsor and putting the principles of recovery into action in my life. This allowed God to untangle the fear that used to control me. That is what living amends is to me. It is making different choices in similar situations. This is an amends I make for myself, and because of it I am slowly becoming the version of me that God intended.

Prayer
God, thank You for showing me how to make living amends through the choices I make today. Help me stay honest, stay willing, and stay open to the changes You are forming in me. Amen.

Recovery didn’t change God… it changed how I saw Him.As I Understood HimYou have begun to live the new life, in which yo...
11/24/2025

Recovery didn’t change God… it changed how I saw Him.

As I Understood Him

You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are becoming like the One who made you. This new life brings you the true knowledge of God. Colossians 3:10

I used to think that since I am already a believer in Jesus, I did not need any steps except One, Jesus. I clung to the phrase “Jesus and me, we make a majority”. I thought that embracing the 12 Steps was literally taking a step down to a lower level of reality. My belief not only made it hard for me to walk into the rooms in the first place, but I resisted it so much that I encouraged others to resist it too. When I did finally come to recovery, I was very cautious and skeptical because I struggled with the wording of Step Three. “We surrender our life and will to the care of God as we understood Him”. I got stuck on that phrase. I was not open minded. I thought it was suggesting that I could create a God of my own making. I thought it was saying I could invent my own version of God, and that is idolatry. It felt completely wrong to me.

Over time, as I listened and meditated and thought about the wording, something softened in me. I realized I had been hearing what I thought it said and what I may have heard others say instead of what it actually said. It did not say the God of my understanding. It said God as I understood Him. That one small shift in wording opened something big inside me. That realization took a weight off me I did not even know I was carrying. It dawned on me. It was not saying that I was creating a different God or my own God. It meant I was growing in how I understood the same God I had always believed in. He has not changed. He has always been the same. But the way I saw Him began to change. My old ideas and the fears that I had attached to God started breaking down. Instead of seeing Him as strict, disappointed, or waiting for me to mess up, I began to see Him through the lens of grace. The Bible says it is by grace we are saved. And although I knew that intellectually, because of my thinking, I still perceived Him as a God of judgment and felt like I could never get His approval because I was not good enough.

Now my understanding of God looks different than it did back then. I see Him as loving and gentle and patient with me. I see Him offering forgiveness, compassion, and second chances that never run out. He gives unlimited do overs. I see Him accepting me as I really am, not as how I think I should be. I no longer feel like I have to earn His approval. And the more my understanding changes, the more peace I feel. Now I breathe easier, especially in moments when I catch myself lifting my head a little higher, throwing my shoulders back, and smiling because I feel safe with Him. Recovery has not changed God. Recovery has changed how I perceive Him, and that change has changed everything. I now accept that He brings me comfort, hope, and joy that I did not have before.

Reflection:
What old beliefs about God do I need to let go of so I can live the new life He is forming in me?

𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧.𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟I will advise you, lead you, and be your guide. Psalm 32:8T...
11/23/2025

𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧.

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟
I will advise you, lead you, and be your guide. Psalm 32:8

The other day I caught myself slipping into an old habit of manipulation. We had just finished watching the new Downton Abbey movie, and I was exhausted. I had gotten up much earlier than usual and was ready for bed before our normal bedtime. My wife and I usually go to bed at the same time, but she wasn’t ready yet. Then the thought crept in: Just sit here on the couch and pretend to fall asleep. Maybe she’ll see me and decide it’s time for bed too.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard that familiar inner voice, the one that sounds suspiciously like my sponsor, say, “What are you doing? This is manipulation.” I opened my eyes and mulled it over for a couple of minutes. Deep down, I knew he was right.

I had an internal dialogue with myself. What can I do? She’s not ready for bed. Then another thought came: I could use the tools of recovery I’ve learned. I could practice self-care and make my needs known. So I braved it. I got up, locked up the house, and went through my normal bedtime routine. We all have them. Then I came over to my wife and said, “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” I kissed her goodnight and went to bed. She wasn’t far behind.

I didn’t beat myself up for having the thought either. I remembered something Martin Luther once said: “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” That quote reminds me that all sorts of thoughts and temptations will come. But as long as I don’t give them life by acting on them, they have no power over me.

I’m grateful for the tools I’ve learned in recovery. They help me recognize old patterns before they can take root and remind me that permanent change happens one honest choice at a time. Each day I practice them, I see a little more of the man God always meant for me to be.

Prayer: God, thank You for helping me recognize when old behaviors try to sneak back in. Help me to keep using the tools You’ve given me to live with honesty, courage, and peace. Amen.

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