11/24/2023
Jenny couldn't believe the deadline was already here to register for her online class! Being a mother of three, a wife, and a part-time student felt barely manageable! Jenny always felt like she was being pulled one way or another, constantly juggling. She never let deadlines like these sneak up on her, but she had been so busy ever since her kids started playing soccer. She loved pouring into her kids, seeing them flourish, and watching them make new friends - so it was definitely worth it...
*Click*
Done.
Jenny was enrolled - just in time. Looking at the clock, her heart sank. She needed to leave ten minutes ago to pick up her kids! She shot towards the door, grabbing her purse and her keys as she went. As she shut and locked her front door, a thought popped into her head, "I'm always late - what a loser."
She started her car. "Good," she thought. She had been hearing a strange noise coming from her engine and knew it was only a matter of time before she would have some real car problems. As she drove onto the ramp to get onto the interstate she was met with gridlock. Traffic was moving at 5 miles per hour. Her normally 5 minute stent on the interstate dragged on for 15 minutes! "This always happens," she breathed.
Finally! She reached the disruption - someone was changing their flat tire on the side of the road! "People should watch where they are going instead of slowing down to look at something like this!" Jenny felt panicked.
Pulling up to the school, she could see her 3 kids standing outside with the principal. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm going to get chewed out this time." As she pulled up and rolled down her window, Jenny felt a heaviness at the back of her throat.....
Stress! We all have it. Stress can be caused by good and bad situations. It can be caused by change, loss, busy schedules, etc. The stress response (aka "fight of flight response") is a mechanism built into our bodies. We get a release of adrenaline and other hormones, our heart beats faster, and our blood pressure goes up. This helps to deliver that oxygen-rich blood to places in our body that are going to need it. The stress response is appropriate when we are suddenly face to face with a bear. This response is not so great if it is being triggered all the time - by every stressful thing.
80% of chronic disease in the U.S. is stress related. Unfortunately, being stressed out all the time can put you at higher risk for things like depression, stroke, heart attack, diabetes, dementia, and osteoporosis. One study followed a group of participants for over 30 years and found that those who had a pessimistic view on life had worse health health outcomes than the positive-minded participants. Additionally, another study noted that after bypass surgery, patients' negative outlook correlated with increased infections and impaired wound healing.
Jenny's story illustrates the process of awfulizing. When we awfulize, we allow stress after stress to pile up. Often times, stressful situations automatically trigger inner-dialogue. Automatic thoughts usually come from a place in our subconscious and they are usually negative, unrealistic, and exaggerated or overgeneralized. Some examples of these are:
"I SHOULD have left earlier" - Should/ought statements
"This ALWAYS happens when I'm late" - Always/never statement
"That interview went horrible! Who would hire ME?" - exaggeration
"I'm a loser." - labeling
If you look back at the story, you can see that Jenny was being driven forward by negative automatic thoughts. I think we can all relate to Jenny's situation. Without coping mechanisms, stress can overtake us. And - I mean this a gently as I can - "I just don't think about it," or "I just push through it" are not examples of coping mechanisms.
The next time you feel like you are getting stressed out, try taking these steps to stop the cycle of awfulizing. These steps won't take stress away, but they can help you get out of that fight or flight response. Once this happens, you can begin to separate your emotional response (how you feel) from the practical response (the response needed to fix the problem).
Step 1: Say "stop" to yourself (this doesn't have to be out loud). Stop the processing of awfulizing.
Step 2: Take a few slow, deep breaths. This will help to pull you out of "fight or flight."
Step 3: Notice what you are saying to yourself. I like to encourage people to write these down later if they can.
Step 4: Ask yourself questions like:
"Am I jumping to conclusions right now?"
"Is it really a crisis?"
"What is the worst that is going to happen?"
"Are these thoughts realistic or fair to myself?"
"Is it true?"
Step 5: Reframe with questions like:
"How can I change negative statements to ones that will benefit me?" Like "I'm doing the best I can," instead of, "I can't handle this."
"What is possible?"
"What do I need to change to fix this?"
"Is this something I am able to fix?"
"Do I need to calm down before acting?"
Like I said, implementing these steps won't eliminate your stress, but it can help you rethink your stress. This stress management technique is one aspect of my approach to dealing with life. I could talk about diet, exercise, and sleep, but this post is already long enough!
OH! And by the way-
The principal just wanted to say "hi" and catch up. It wasn't as bad as Jenny thought after all!
