08/22/2025
We moved, and Bindle’s not on my route anymore. What do we do when old habits are out of the way?
I drove out of the way anyway. Told myself I was “grieving the transition.” I sat at a table under a tree feeling all zen about completing patterns. “I don’t need a coffee.”
Then the line got twice as long and I compulsively jumped up and got in line.
Wait. I’m not ready to make this decision. I don’t want the world to make it for me.
But there I was, in line. My body had a different idea than my mind.
While in line, I saw my friend Laurel pull up with her kid Yana. They almost left because of how long the line was. I texted her and she sent me their order, I got it, and we hung out outside. She was actually thinking of calling Tierra today to hang out, but Tierra’s in Boulder - so we got to hang instead.
The compulsive nature turned into nourishment and friendship.
I told the Bindle crew I won’t be here as often, thanked them for being my friends, and for the everything deluxe breakfast sandwiches that deeply nourish me.
This is the real completion process. Not the pretty Instagram version where I gracefully release patterns. It’s messy. The mind and body have different ideas.
Patterns are hard to shift. Even when we think we’re “over it,” the deep primal compulsion kicks in - “No, I need my coffee RIGHT NOW.”
And sometimes that compulsion leads to exactly what we didn’t know we needed - community, connection, a chance to say thank you properly.
This medicine I practice? It’s not about perfect repatterning. It’s about staying present with the mess, the contradictions, the very human reality of change.
It’s hard to know what we’re supposed to do, how we unravel these patterns. But I do know this: if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.
The compulsion led to connection. The “mistake” became medicine. Sometimes we need to trust the process, even when - especially when - we can’t see where it’s going. As always if you want to connect about how we can support you at Maitri please send me a DM. Link is also in my bio.