03/19/2018
How was your postpartum? Did you have the help and support your needed?
❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️
48 Hours: While the birth was mine in every way, the absolute height of feminine power and womanhood, postpartum swung me in the opposite direction, to the darkest depths physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Having 4 other children, I was prepared for this. I have support. I have realistic expectations. But these days are fu***ng hard, there is no getting around it.
This day had been long and very stressful. My toddler woke up realizing that the new baby was, in fact, staying. She had cried most of the day. We had unexpected bills due on a very short deadline. An intense hormonal shift had begun, and I too had spent much of the day crying. I was missing my older girls immensely.
To compound these struggles, a 72 minute labor isn’t easy to recover from. My hip felt like it was broken and walking was near impossible. I had soreness in muscles I didn’t know existed and pain that radiated down my right thigh like lighting. The cramping was so intense, it felt like I was in transition all over again.
As soon as the labor had begun, it was over, before I even had a chance to realize what was happening. My beautiful baby seemed unfamiliar - smaller than my others, and unexpectedly male. He seemed strange and foreign, and I was struggling to bond with him the same way I had when my other children were born. My milk hadn’t come in yet, and he was getting hungry and impatient.
In this moment, I just wanted to shower. I was alone only because my partner had taken our daughter out of the house, a needed distraction from the distressing sight of me holding another baby when all she wanted was to be held herself.
It was the first time I had put him down - we had been skin to skin since birth. I worried that he would not be content long enough for me to wash my tired, aching body of the horrible day we had endured. As the shower warmed, I sat down to p*e, slumping into the weight of all the heavy feelings before pulling it together enough to make use of the limited time I had before he would need the comfort of my chest again. The clock is always ticking. This is postpartum.”
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