Heather Gillam - Sisu Lumi Counseling

Heather Gillam - Sisu Lumi Counseling Heather is a Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist in Fort Wayne focusing on s*x & relationship therapy

Validation is sooooooo important! It tells someone “I see you. I understand you. You’re important to me. Your feelings/e...
02/16/2026

Validation is sooooooo important! It tells someone “I see you. I understand you. You’re important to me. Your feelings/experience makes sense.”

Validation doesn’t equal agreement. This is a duality that can be really tricky for people to hold.

Validation is about empathy and recognition. It’s saying, “I can see why you feel that way,” or “That makes sense given your experience.”

Agreement is about alignment. It’s saying, “You’re right,” or “I believe the same thing.”

In healthy relationships, we need to be seen and understood, even in the places where there’s difference. We need to know that we matter, even if there isn’t a shared perspective or viewpoint.

Here’s an example: You partner comes to you and says, “I’m so upset, my boss criticized me in front of everyone.”

Validation: That sounds really embarrassing. I’m so sorry that happened.” (You might think the boss had a point, but you’re still acknowledging their experience and feelings).

Let’s say you’re concerned with how your partner is showing up at work and want to discuss that, you might find a different time to bring that up.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

02/13/2026
02/09/2026
01/30/2026

Intimacy cannot be forced in an environment that lacks safety. Many couples attempt to "fix" their relationship by focusing on Level 5, vacations, dates, and fun, while the foundation of Level 2 is crumbling.

A stable partnership is built from the bottom up:
- Foundation: You must feel safe to express a "negative" emotion without fear of retaliation.
- Structure: Reliability builds the trust necessary for deep vulnerability.
- Peak: Joy is the natural byproduct of a secure and reliable foundation.

Focus on the foundation first. The "spark" is a result of safety, not a substitute for it.

Let’s be kind to ourselves through these trying times. ♥️
01/08/2026

Let’s be kind to ourselves through these trying times. ♥️

01/04/2026

Everyone's looking for a partner who makes them feel safe. But most people have the definition wrong.
They think safety means never feeling anxious, never getting triggered, never having wounds touched. They think it means finding someone so perfect, so careful, so attuned that they never experience pain in their presence.

But that's not safety. That's avoidance.

Real safety is built in the repair. It's built when someone hurts you, even unintentionally, and they don't get defensive. They don't minimize it. They don't make you wrong for feeling what you feel. They stay. They listen. They take accountability. They adjust.

Safety isn't the absence of conflict. It's what happens after conflict.

It's knowing that when things get hard, you won't be abandoned. When you're triggered, you won't be shamed. When you need repair, it will happen.

People have been looking for partners who never mess up. They should be looking for people who know how to make things right when they do.

Because that's where safety actually lives. Not in perfection. In repair.

12/18/2025
12/14/2025
♥️
12/14/2025

♥️

And even when our partners mirror our pasts we can work together to create something new, with new patterns, responses, ...
12/11/2025

And even when our partners mirror our pasts we can work together to create something new, with new patterns, responses, and intimacy. It’s not that we find one kind of relationship or another, it’s how we grow in what we have to reach conscious choice, and conscious love. ♥️

Yes! 100%!
11/20/2025

Yes! 100%!

Your belief that s*xual compatibility can't be fostered is what's hurting your s*x life. Here's how to build it one step at a time.

09/16/2025

Address

1910 St. Joe Center Road Suite 23
Fort Wayne, IN
46825

Opening Hours

Tuesday 9am - 4pm
Thursday 9am - 12pm
Friday 9am - 6pm
Saturday 9am - 1pm

Telephone

+12602321820

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Get to know the Therapist!

The Credentials:

Heather Gillam, MS, NCC, LMFTA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate working towards licensing in Mental Health Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Indiana. She is an Independent Contractor at Dunn Associates, P.C. providing Individual Counseling, Relationship Counseling, and Family Therapy.

Heather graduated in 2017 with Masters degree in Marriage and Family Counseling/Therapy from Capella University. She also holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and Social Philosophy from Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Heather is a member of Psi Chi: The International Honor Society in Psychology, Chi Sigma Iota: Counseling Academic & Professional Honor Society International, Delta Kappa: The International Marriage & Family Therapy Honor Society, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She is also a Board Certified Counselor through the NBCC as a Nationally Certified Counselor.