08/07/2025
Dismissive avoidants chase the fantasy of "the one".
But not the real “one” — not someone who grows with them, challenges them, and shows them what love really is. No. They chase an idealized, perfect version of love — a fantasy rooted in emotional safety and zero vulnerability. It’s a relationship where they never feel exposed, never feel obligated, never feel uncomfortable. One where they can remain completely in control, untouched, and unbothered.
They probably thought you were "the one" — truly.
In the early stages, you felt like a dream to them. You were kind, accepting, open-hearted. You gave them space, maybe even mistook their distance for mystery or depth. In the beginning, everything felt easy — surface-level connection, low emotional risk, and few demands.
But once the relationship deepened — once reality kicked in and emotions surfaced — things changed.
The moment real intimacy started to form, the moment you expressed needs, boundaries, expectations… it triggered something deep inside them.
Not because you did anything wrong, but because vulnerability feels like danger to them. Emotional closeness activates the very fears they've spent their whole lives trying to avoid: fear of rejection, fear of engulfment, fear of losing their independence, fear of being truly seen.
So what do they do?
They start to pull away.
They create distance. They become cold. Irritable. Dismissive.
They may ghost, stonewall, or act like everything is suddenly “too much.”
In reality, you didn't change — but the relationship moved from fantasy to reality, and they weren't equipped to handle that shift.
You see, the relationship they chase is one that doesn't exist in the real world.
It's a connection without emotional risk. No disagreements, no expectations, no deep conversations. No need for compromise or accountability.
They long for a partner who magically understands them without requiring words, who needs nothing from them, and who never touches the parts of them they’ve locked away.
But that’s not love — that’s control. That’s fear masquerading as “standards.”
Because true love demands presence. It asks us to show up. To stay. To listen. To repair.
Real love triggers us sometimes — not to harm, but to heal.
And avoidants don't fear you — they fear what loving you would require them to face within themselves.
It’s heartbreaking, especially when you know the connection was real — but they never allowed it to grow roots.
You cannot fix what someone else refuses to face. You cannot carry both hearts.
And no matter how much you love them, you can’t love them out of avoidance.
They have to do that work themselves.
Until then, they’ll keep chasing the fantasy of "the one" — while running from the very thing that could have saved them: real love.
