01/09/2024
đ¨ Public service announcement đ
If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience âTexas Winterâ. This is 6 or 7 days of cold, maybe some ice and snow. Pete Delkus will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not and if Pete says 2 inches it could be 10 or it could be 1/2â. It doesnât matter how much snow it is, weâll all freak out because we donât see snow often.
The threat of snow (or ice) from good olâ Pete is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesnât matter if you need these items. Itâs just what we do. Everyone in town will be there.
Youâll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers and finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. Youâre in the redneck district.
Donât look for a sled. You wonât find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know itâs not a hill. You live in the flatland, just go with it. Youâll be alarmed by the fact that youâre âsleddingâ towards a bar ditch, fence or maybe into a farm to market road.
Just go with it.
Youâll be fine.
We donât have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess and even though the state has been telling you for a week theyâre ready, theyâre not and it wonât work. Just stay home if you can and if you canât just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice.
Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.
If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Donât try to help them, they live for this stuff, and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams âhey yâall watch thisâ just get back and get your phone out and start recording, youâll probably have a viral video.
Also of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, donât be rude, take them and smile.
No matter what you do, donât talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios.
Nobody cares.
You live in Texas now.
Texans know they live in the greatest state in the country and itâs our way or the highway.
When we act like weâre going to die and start to complain about the 7 days of winter just shut up, weâre serious and we donât care how much you love it.
We donât.
Youâll be back in shorts and flip flops in a week to ten days and itâll be nice until right around Easter.
Texas âsecond winterâ will be 2 or 3 days and will hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant flowers and a garden.
We know youâre not from around here when we see youâve planted flowers before Easter and before the âsecond winterâ has hit.
This is why all the people at the nursery donât sound like us when youâre shopping for plants.
We know better.
During second winter itâll go from 70 to 25 and youâll experience all four seasons in one day.
This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of âspringâ before summer gets here and itâll melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween.
Cheers!
Carry on...
