The Nest Psychotherapy

07/27/2022

We are so excited to Welcome Bob Nolan to our practice! He’s an incredibly skilled Social Worker and we are proud to have him as a clinician at The Nest.

Bob Nolan, MSW is a psychotherapist in Gainesville, GA. Bob is a life-long resident of North Georgia where he lives with his wife and two daughters. Bob has 10 years of experience working in hospital and school settings. He earned his Master’s Degree in Social Work at The University of Georgia. Prior to joining the Nest Psychotherapy, worked as an advocate for older adults, children, and families and as provider of community mental health services at View Point Health. He is experienced in working with children, teens, and adults. Bob utilizes person-centered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help people address issues such as anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, and coping with challenging transitions or adversity in their lives.

10/27/2020

This changes the parenting game! Check it out!

This is the most important theme of Collaborative Problem Solving: the belief that if kids could do well they would do well. In other words, if the kid had t...

09/23/2020

It's really okay.

03/18/2020

Social distancing measures like school closures can heavily affect families and children. See the attachment for a resource on how we can, as parents, friends and family members, help our kids cope with what is happening around them.

03/16/2020

We will all get through this!

Surviving the shut-down. We’re all trying to figure out how we’re going to do it. How will we stay healthy? How will we manage financially? How will we keep our spirits up? How will we be together? 24/7. With our kids. With limited ability to go out into the world.

It might be tempting to view these next few weeks (or months) without school as an extended weekend. A summer without any of the rhythms, planning, weather or offerings that make summer what it is. You might not feel like you have the energy, the bandwidth in your brain, the creativity or the fortitude to turn this next stretch of time into anything other than a long, slow slog punctuated by flare-ups between siblings, trying to squeeze 15-minutes of math practice out of your child, and way too many screens.

Think again. It is entirely within your capacity to make something positive out of the hunkering down that is happening all around the world. To begin with, you need two things: determination and a routine.

Routines are important for all of us, including and especially kids. They signal to children that all is well. That the adults around them have things covered, and they can know what to expect, and settle into it, and thrive. If the next few days are free-for-alls, then so be it. But I guarantee that your children – and you – will do better over this very long “spring break” if after that, you implement a routine.

What routine? Well, the specifics are up to you. This is your chance to be creative. To think about what you value and what your children need. To consider the pacing and the flow that works best for you as a family. Begin to plan from there.

Let’s start with bedtime. The very best idea is to keep it the same as it has been. Your child’s brain and body are accustomed to it, and eventually you’ll all be shifting back to a school-year schedule so why not keep bedtime in place? Without bedtime, you can forget about a reasonable start to the day. You can also forget about having any time to yourself, or partner-time. So do keep bedtime in place.

If this doesn’t already happen in your house, experiment with letting your children sleep until they wake up naturally. This may be eye-opening as it will give you a sense of the amount of sleep your child actually needs, and may lead to eventual adjustments in bedtime. Please consider a no-morning-screens rule in your family. No one benefits when children spring out of bed at the crack of dawn, eager for time on the X-box.

If you are ultimately going to want your children to get dressed, stick to the usual routine, which in some households means getting dressed before you come downstairs and in others means dressing after breakfast. Sticking to pjs all day is tricky as it signals to kids that nothing is going to be expected of them that day, but certainly “comfy clothes” are fine.

After breakfast is when you might want to move into the structured part of the day. Think about dividing the time into meaningful chunks. Name them. You might have 4 time-blocks in which your children need to do: something good for their body; something good for their brain; something good for the planet; something good for other humans. Or your 4 blocks might be called: sibling time; solo time; study time; strength time. You get the idea.

Think of themes that capture the kinds of things you want your children to be doing every day. For the under 5 set, you’ll decide what to do during each block. For children ages 6 and up, involve them in creating lists of possibilities for each block. Something good for their body might include: jumping rope; creating an obstacle course and then doing it; YouTube yoga (there are plenty of child-friendly exercise videos on YouTube); finding a new, healthy recipe, making it and eating it. Something good for the brain is more traditional schoolwork but also, practicing an instrument, learning chess, researching something of interest to your child, reading to a younger sibling.

Work together with your child to make the lists of possibilities long. Be creative. The list-making is, itself, an exercise in flexible thinking, problem-solving, categorization and creativity.

Once the lists are in place, give your child some latitude in deciding which activity he/she is going to do on any given day.
Young children are likely to do best with a fair amount of parent-imposed structure including the order of activity blocks and when to move from one activity to the next. Older kids can help decide – day-to-day – how to structure the day (something good for other humans first one day, something good for the body first another).

Present this in a positive way. Try to keep it fun. Resist the urge to be a cruise director, intent on making sure everyone is having fun every minute of the day. Your children might complain that this new structure is boring. That’s okay. There is much to be gained by feeling bored on occasion. And it’s a wonderful opportunity to help your children learn that fun is an attitude. A decision. Something they can bring to any activity. Any situation. It’s fun to master a new skill. It’s fun to work hard. If your child is resistant to hard work, this might be the time to learn what a “growth mindset” is, and how to help your child cultivate one.

Feel free to post what you are doing to structure time with your children. What creative activity-labels are you using? What are you doing to make sure your child still learns, and moves his/her body, and develops as a kind and caring human during this most atypical of times?

And thank you. For staying home even though it’s hard. For taking on the role of the many adults who normally shepherd your child through their day. For being determined to not only survive this anxiety-laden time but also to make the best of it. Your children are watching and learning from you as you model meeting adversity with flexibility, creativity and love.

02/25/2020

This is such great information!

The authors of the bestselling confidence guide for girls share advice for parents on how to stop the steep drop in confidence common among tween girls.

02/19/2020

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/18/well/family/why-teenagers-reject-parents-solutions-to-their-problems.html?referringSource=articleShare

It’s usually because we’re not giving them what they’re really looking for.

08/08/2019

https://nestpsychotherapy.com/blog/2019/8/8/3-more-ways-to-decrease-anxiety-in-children-and-teens

Three MORE Ways to Decrease Anxiety in Children and Teens We hope that you found our blog about the first three ways to help manage anxiety in children and teens helpful. In this post, we hope to round out the skills you have already learned. Remember that Anxiety wants Certainty and Comfort.

07/19/2019

This article has some great warning signs to identify anxiety in our kiddos. Knowing the signs and having a conversation about what they are experiencing can make a huge difference!

As children grow and develop, they experience a number of emotional reactions that they know are different or even negative feelings, but they haven't the…

07/02/2019

Three Ways to Decrease Anxiety in Children and Teens

Welcome to The Nest. We are so excited to start this adventure and appreciate you reading our very first blog post!

One of the most common questions we are asked is how to help with anxiety in young people. Even though we, as humans, are the safest we have ever been, we are also the most anxious we have ever been. There are competing theories about why this has happened, but something that most experts agree on is that the advent of the smart phone has contributed to the growing number of anxious kids. For more information on this please see the article by Jean Twenge: that was printed in The Atlantic.
I also want to thank Lynn Lyons for her masterful trainings and immense knowledge about anxiety.

So what does anxiety want? Why is it so strong and persistent? Anxiety wants CERTAINTY (I have to know what is going to happen) and COMFORT (I need to feel comfortable and safe or I am out of here). Most parents, and other adults in the anxious child’s life, work to reassure and provide certainty. They make accommodations and participate in the avoidance of anxiety producing situations. While this is helpful in the short term, it does not allow for the child to practice the skills that they need to manage their anxiety.
It is most helpful to see anxiety as a process. When we get bogged down in the content or subject matter of the anxiety, we start to do the disorder. There are ways to help your kids start to address the BIG PICTURE of anxiety. There are certain patterns that keep people in anxiety: Rigidity, Globalization, Catastrophizing, Permanence, Internalization, and Avoidance. We are going to discuss the first three in this post today.

Rigidity vs Flexibility. Rigidity demands certainty. Have you heard your child say “I have to know” or “things will never change”? These are two examples of rigid thinking. When we hear extreme language (always, never, everyone, no one) our parental antennas need to be on high alert. Helping your child change their language to “I don’t know what will happen” and “it is hard to change” can make a huge impact. The most important thing that parents can do is to model flexibility. When a situation comes up where you may have a rigid response, talk out loud to your child. “I am not sure what will happen and I trust that I can handle it”. The focus is on tolerating the worry as opposed to trying to get rid of it. When you notice your child showing flexible thinking, point it out to them and reinforce it. It is hard as a parent to not jump in and fix the problem. It is imperative, though, that we do not focus on the content of the anxiety (i.e.: You don’t have to go to school today if you are anxious) and encourage the belief that they can tolerate the not knowing. Useful questions to ask to demonstrate flexibility include “Can you name a food you use to not like that now you do like” and “What is the name of a show that you loved but have now outgrown”. Look for opportunities to show and acknowledge flexible thinking and you will be ahead of the game on tackling anxiety.

Global vs Parts. Global thinking is what I call “or” thinking. It is seeing the world, and ourselves, as good or bad, right or wrong, same or different. Parts thinking is “and” thinking. It involves viewing situations, other people, and ourselves as parts of the whole. School can be stressful and fun. My friends can be mean and kind. My teacher is strict and understanding. Especially with Global Thinking, we need to watch out for the trap of diagnosis. It is important for young people to understand that they are not defined by their diagnosis. It is a part of who they are. It is not the whole of who they are. One way to help children understand parts is to talk about roles. To promote differentiation, help them to identify the roles that you have (parent, worker, sibling, son or daughter, choir singer, etc.) and then ask if they can tell you the roles that they have (child, student, sibling, karate champion, etc.). You can also work with them to break down a large task, such as cleaning their room, into smaller steps. This works really well with school work. Again, modeling is one of the most powerful tools that we have as parents. Look for opportunities to demonstrate and acknowledge Parts Thinking.

Catastrophic vs Problem Solving. Have you ever been so stuck in a problem that you cannot see the solution? Anxious kids often find themselves mired in painful emotions because of catastrophic or worst-case scenario thinking. Our brains are wired to have worry and fear. Treating anxiety is not about removing worry and fear. We have survived as a species because these emotions have encouraged us to seek safety. When our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls imagination, starts to spin a tale about the future, our alarm system (the Amygdala) goes off and cannot differentiate between real and imagined danger. Chemical messengers start to be sent throughout our bodies and we have a mental and physical reaction. Fear, worry, and the Amygdala are not going away. Treatment that focuses on eliminating these is not effective. Children and teens need to trust that they have the skills to manage crisis, or perceived crisis. One way to do this is to demote worry. Acknowledge that worry is a normal part of life. I often tell young people to imagine the most annoying teacher they have ever had and when worry shows up, think about it talking in that teacher’s voice. They often find this amusing and it aids in accepting that the thoughts exist without conflating worry with crisis. It also allows us to externalize the worry (more on that in the next blog post). Model active problem solving for your child. Though it may feel odd, talking out loud as you solve a problem is a great way to demonstrate for young people a skill that they can adapt. Trusting that they can solve or tolerate a problem if it arises can help move kids from being stuck to moving forward.

What about all those great coping skills like deep breathing and exercise? These are still incredibly effective ways to RESET and tolerate through an emotion. As long as the skills are not presented as ways to eliminate anxiety, they represent an opportunity to approach the situation more effectively.

There we are. Three ways to start helping your child or teen deal with their anxiety. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself adjusting some of your ways of thinking too.
Best,
The Nest

07/01/2019

Three Ways to Decrease Anxiety in Children and Teens

Welcome to The Nest. We are so excited to start this adventure and appreciate you reading our very first blog post!

One of the most common questions we are asked is how to help with anxiety in young people. Even though we, as humans, are the safest we have ever been, we are also the most anxious we have ever been. There are competing theories about why this has happened, but something that most experts agree on is that the advent of the smart phone has contributed to the growing number of anxious kids. For more information on this please see the article by Jean Twenge: that was printed in The Atlantic.
I also want to thank Lynn Lyons for her masterful trainings and immense knowledge about anxiety.

So what does anxiety want? Why is it so strong and persistent? Anxiety wants CERTAINTY (I have to know what is going to happen) and COMFORT (I need to feel comfortable and safe or I am out of here). Most parents, and other adults in the anxious child’s life, work to reassure and provide certainty. They make accommodations and participate in the avoidance of anxiety producing situations. While this is helpful in the short term, it does not allow for the child to practice the skills that they need to manage their anxiety.
It is most helpful to see anxiety as a process. When we get bogged down in the content or subject matter of the anxiety, we start to do the disorder. There are ways to help your kids start to address the BIG PICTURE of anxiety. There are certain patterns that keep people in anxiety: Rigidity, Globalization, Catastrophizing, Permanence, Internalization, and Avoidance. We are going to discuss the first three in this post today.

Rigidity vs Flexibility. Rigidity demands certainty. Have you heard your child say “I have to know” or “things will never change”? These are two examples of rigid thinking. When we hear extreme language (always, never, everyone, no one) our parental antennas need to be on high alert. Helping your child change their language to “I don’t know what will happen” and “it is hard to change” can make a huge impact. The most important thing that parents can do is to model flexibility. When a situation comes up where you may have a rigid response, talk out loud to your child. “I am not sure what will happen and I trust that I can handle it”. The focus is on tolerating the worry as opposed to trying to get rid of it. When you notice your child showing flexible thinking, point it out to them and reinforce it. It is hard as a parent to not jump in and fix the problem. It is imperative, though, that we do not focus on the content of the anxiety (i.e.: You don’t have to go to school today if you are anxious) and encourage the belief that they can tolerate the not knowing. Useful questions to ask to demonstrate flexibility include “Can you name a food you use to not like that now you do like” and “What is the name of a show that you loved but have now outgrown”. Look for opportunities to show and acknowledge flexible thinking and you will be ahead of the game on tackling anxiety.

Global vs Parts. Global thinking is what I call “or” thinking. It is seeing the world, and ourselves, as good or bad, right or wrong, same or different. Parts thinking is “and” thinking. It involves viewing situations, other people, and ourselves as parts of the whole. School can be stressful and fun. My friends can be mean and kind. My teacher is strict and understanding. Especially with Global Thinking, we need to watch out for the trap of diagnosis. It is important for young people to understand that they are not defined by their diagnosis. It is a part of who they are. It is not the whole of who they are. One way to help children understand parts is to talk about roles. To promote differentiation, help them to identify the roles that you have (parent, worker, sibling, son or daughter, choir singer, etc.) and then ask if they can tell you the roles that they have (child, student, sibling, karate champion, etc.). You can also work with them to break down a large task, such as cleaning their room, into smaller steps. This works really well with school work. Again, modeling is one of the most powerful tools that we have as parents. Look for opportunities to demonstrate and acknowledge Parts Thinking.

Catastrophic vs Problem Solving. Have you ever been so stuck in a problem that you cannot see the solution? Anxious kids often find themselves mired in painful emotions because of catastrophic or worst-case scenario thinking. Our brains are wired to have worry and fear. Treating anxiety is not about removing worry and fear. We have survived as a species because these emotions have encouraged us to seek safety. When our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls imagination, starts to spin a tale about the future, our alarm system (the Amygdala) goes off and cannot differentiate between real and imagined danger. Chemical messengers start to be sent throughout our bodies and we have a mental and physical reaction. Fear, worry, and the Amygdala are not going away. Treatment that focuses on eliminating these is not effective. Children and teens need to trust that they have the skills to manage crisis, or perceived crisis. One way to do this is to demote worry. Acknowledge that worry is a normal part of life. I often tell young people to imagine the most annoying teacher they have ever had and when worry shows up, think about it talking in that teacher’s voice. They often find this amusing and it aids in accepting that the thoughts exist without conflating worry with crisis. It also allows us to externalize the worry (more on that in the next blog post). Model active problem solving for your child. Though it may feel odd, talking out loud as you solve a problem is a great way to demonstrate for young people a skill that they can adapt. Trusting that they can solve or tolerate a problem if it arises can help move kids from being stuck to moving forward.

What about all those great coping skills like deep breathing and exercise? These are still incredibly effective ways to RESET and tolerate through an emotion. As long as the skills are not presented as ways to eliminate anxiety, they represent an opportunity to approach the situation more effectively.

There we are. Three ways to start helping your child or teen deal with their anxiety. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself adjusting some of your ways of thinking too.
Best,
The Nest

More comfortable online than out partying, post-Millennials are safer, physically, than adolescents have ever been. But they’re on the brink of a mental-health crisis.