02/19/2023
Bringing home a brand new baby brother or sister may be one of the greatest gifts you can give an older child, but they don’t always see it that way at first! 😬 Becoming an older sibling is a huge adjustment. Here are some tips to ease the transition.
First, prepare ahead of time. Tell your child about the pregnancy at the same that you tell your friends so that they hear it from you, not someone else. 📣 Make any major life changes well in advance (moving to a new bedroom, starting daycare, weaning, toilet training) to avoid feelings of displacement or dealing with too many changes all at once.
Give your child realistic expectations by explaining that the baby will take up lots of time and won’t be able to do much at first except eat, sleep, p**p, p*e, and cry – ie, they won’t be an immediate playmate. 👶
If possible, expose your older child to other babies in advance. Read books about pregnancy, birth, newborns, and siblings. 📙 Encourage them to ask questions, share feelings, and voice concerns.
Celebrate the older child’s birth/infancy by looking back at pictures and telling stories – let them know how excited and happy you were to bring them home. Describe what they were like as a baby including how much they loved to eat, sleep, cry, and be held.
Teach older sibling how to hold baby in a gentle manner using a toy doll for illustration. Let them participate in preparing the nursery and picking out the “coming home” outfit.
Once the new baby arrives, check in with your other children frequently. Listen and acknowledge their feelings, even if they are negative, and be careful not to discount their emotions. With that being said, make it clear that absolutely no hurting of baby is allowed. 🚫
Set aside one-on-one time with your older child for at least 5-10 minutes a day. Let them choose a “special” activity with as little distraction as possible.
It is common for an older child to become jealous or even aggressive with the arrival of a new sibling, occasionally leading to outbursts or regressions. It may help to coddle the older sibling for a little while if that is what they seem to need, as this may help minimize regressions. Try to lessen the natural tendency to expect MORE of your older child once your newborn arrives.
Consider doing a gift exchange between baby and older sibling. 🎁 In fact, have a special “big brother/sister” gift on hand in case friends and family start showering the new baby with presents. This may minimize feelings of confusion and jealousy.
If possible, encourage big brother/sister to introduce their new sibling to the rest of the family. Gently remind visitors to pay attention to ALL of your children. Make sure your older child has their own personal belongings and space (even if it’s just a homemade fort) so that they don’t feel as though EVERYTHING must now be shared with the new baby.
Avoid "blaming" baby for interrupting the daily routine or taking up your time. For example, saying "Mommy can't play right now, baby sister needs to be fed" may give the impression that the new sibling is "stealing" Mommy's time and attention. Instead, say "I'd love to play with you! Can you go pick out a game while Mommy feeds baby sister first?"
Try assigning special “big brother/sister” jobs as appropriate if this seems like something they would enjoy. Allow big brother/sister to participate in activities such as bath time, dressing, pushing stroller, etc. Remind them of the perks of being the older child, such as eating “big kid” foods, playing on the playground at the park, watching movies, coloring with crayons, etc. Praise them and give positive feedback as often as possible. 🙌
The article cited below by Mott Children’s has book suggestions sorted by age – check it out if you’re interested!
Primary source: https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/new-baby-sibling'
