08/29/2025
Sharing 5 Parenting Tips from Shenandoah Chefalo, well-known speaker, coach, consultant on trauma-responsive care and author of "Garbage Bag Suitcase".
1. Prioritize connection over control. Instead of focusing on obedience, focus on your relationship. For example, if your child is having a meltdown, sit beside them. Let them know you’re not going anywhere. That safety is more potent than any lecture. Whether you’re working with adults or children, practice’ connection before correction.’
2. Create a psychologically safe environment at home. Make your house a place where mistakes are learning opportunities, not punishable offenses. One family I worked with started using the phrase “fail forward,” and it completely shifted how their children responded to setbacks.
3. Talk openly about feelings. Discussing feelings is a significant factor in building resilience. Use feeling words for your own emotions. Say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths,” or whatever helps you regulate your emotions. Modeling behavior teaches kids that emotions are safe to feel and express. Instead of asking, “How are you doing?” start asking, “How are you feeling?”
4. Build predictable routines. Routines offer stability. Something as simple as a bedtime ritual — such as a story, a hug, or an affirmation — can give kids a sense of grounding, even when everything else feels chaotic.
5. Take care of yourself. Your regulation is the regulation of everyone around you. Feelings are contagious (good and bad). If you’re constantly running on empty, your kids will feel it. Prioritize your healing and rest so you can show up for them fully. Remember: you don’t have to be perfect — just present. You only give what you are overflowing with.
