01/31/2025
First Blog in (hopefully) a Series of Blogs! Rest Assured, if I'm writing about it, it's because I'm human, and am dealing with these issues too. Or I have in the past. Or I know someone professionally or personally who has. (Just being real here!) So here goes...
"What To Do While You Are Waiting" by Carey Beyor, LMFT, CIT
Most of us have heard the expression "Let Go and Let God," right? If not, "Live and Let Live?" Well, what do you do when you've done all that you can to meet a personal goal, and you are left waiting. Just waiting for others involved to get back to you with information, a contract, their part of the negotiation, or a needed supply or material to arrive? There are a lot of pieces at play here, right? Maybe you have followed up a 'million times' and realized that all you are doing is driving yourself crazy, and annoying the heck out of those involved? Hopefully you have thought of what you can do to effect the outcome that you want? Examples would be being kind enough, while also stating your needs and asserting yourself. Calling it out when you feel like you are being treated second fiddle. But also understanding the limitations of the process. If there is something you can do to help speed the process along, you have done that.
But what I'm talking about is what to do when there is really not much else to do except wait. Examples might be waiting for your new car to arrive, waiting for an acceptance letter to a program, that "2 week wait" (also known as "2WW" in the infertility world) before you can test yourself to find out if you are pregnant, waiting to find out whether someone is going to give you a second chance in a relationship, waiting for a surgery that is medically necessary and desired, waiting for information that you need in order to make a critical decision, and so on.
So, whether you believe in "God" or not, letting go of what others are doing, and remembering you don't have control of their part (or that situation) can be helpful. But what CAN you do while you are waiting?
Wait for it, wait for it... I'm about to tell you. Be patient while I gather my thoughts for a few days, weeks, months, etc. NO, just kidding! Here are my suggestions:
What to do while you wait:
1) Remember those times in your life where you were like, "Shoot, if only had more time, I would...?" Hobbies you wish you had time for, projects you wish you had time to finish, trying something new, and so on? Well, think back and identify something, and start it. Pick something simple and easy to start with so you don't run into the same types of issues like waiting for supplies. Once you do one thing, it might spark some excitement about others. And you might just be off and running, at that point. It also doesn't have to cost money. If you want to do artwork, for example, I'm sure you have something lying around that you could use to start it on the cheap!
2) Here's one you might not like, but is an extremely adaptive strategy. "What is something you've been putting off that you really need to do?" Maybe it's preparing your tax information? Maybe it's cleaning out a closet that's been overflowing? Cleaning out your e-mails (I know, yuck!). For us therapist-people, it might be catching up on progress notes, billing, or other paperwork. There might just be a million things, but pick something that has been really nagging at you and just start it.
Note that if you choose this one, you will be so proud of yourself that you took the time to do this while you were waiting. Because when what you are waiting for finally comes to fruition, you will be prime to accept it. You won't have all these nagging tasks in the way of enjoying the newfound progress you've just made with your personal goal! Pat yourself on the back at that point! In fact, do it just for starting a nagging task!
3) Take time out for the loved ones in your life who are available and waiting for time with you. This might be your kiddos, your dog, your spouse or partnter, your parents or grandparents, and of course, your friends. I think you know what to do here.... And you can even mix this one with #1 and try something new or go to a "paint night" together.
4) Doing something that would be very fulfilling and self-actualizing, AND you CAN actually get yourself to do it!!!!! Taking the next step in your career, signing up for a new class, donating your time or money to heartfelt causes, or starting a Blog Series (hint, hint... it's what I'm modelling for you all right now, LOL!). This will not only distract you, but in a way, it's easier to do things like this when the alternative is going STIRCRAZY!!!!! And, although you might feel some fear about starting, you will feel FABULOUS!
5) Making calls or reaching out for services or help that you have been hesitant about. And this is not intended to be an Ad for my practice, but, if you have been putting off reaching out to find a therapist, now is the time. Maybe it's getting quotes for a personal assistant, a house cleaner, or another staff at your business. Maybe it's hiring a contractor to fix a nagging problem at your home. Maybe it's ordering your favorite pizza or cake instead (as long as this doesn't cause issues for you)! Maybe it's catching up on all of the medical, dental, OB, and other specialist appointments that you got off track with because of COVID - if so, please take care of this ASAP. Treating yourself to good health, getting help, etc., will only help you cope with all of the stressors of life. And don't worry if you have to WAIT for this. You will be a huge step ahead of where you were before making that call, or sending that e-mail. Things will start to feel busy, and you will feel like you almost can't keep track, and then, before you know it, your original wait will be over! I would only warn you not to overwhelm yourself.
6) Simple, self-care. Whichever gender you identify with, any or all of these examples may or may not be a fit, so please choose what fits for you! Taking a bubble bath, doing some yoga, getting your nails done, practicing your instrument, taking that next step in fixing your model car, setting up your next DND game with your friends, laying on your bed and staring up at your ceiling (AKA "doing nothing"), reading, getting a massage, practicing golf at a nearby indoor golf center, taking your time with your workout or at the gym, cooking yourself and/or your family a special meal. The possibilities are endless! And you will notice some overlap with the other suggestions!
7) Prepare for the next steps of your goal, and creatively visualize positive outcomes. So yes, you can plan ahead! If you are waiting to find out about a job offer and contract, picture looking at the document and finding that it exceeds all of your expectations! The salary or compensation is just right, if not more than you'd hoped. The terms are comfortable, if not superb. Take some time to feel how it would feel if your dream work-terms are realized! Picture showing up to work with a smile on your face!
Also, if you can get yourself not to feel superstitious, you can plan ahead. Planning ahead doesn't make your personal goal less likely to happen. So if you run out and buy the outfit you plan to wear to your first day at the office, that's okay, assuming you can afford it. If you research what your benefits might be, if you were to obtain the job, so that you can plan accordingly, that is okay. It will only better prepare you for the potential big change that is hopefully coming, and put you in a positive mindset. If things don't turn out the way you hoped, you will still have enjoyed those feelings, AND you will have a better idea of what you want things to look like the next time you apply for a job. You AREN'T a fool for thinking that this goal was possible, if it doesn't happen. We don't have that much power to make something NOT happen, unless we actually sabotage it. You can also share this ideal image with friends and colleagues, and perhaps you will get a new lead.
So in summary, while you wait, it is important that you don't drive yourself nuts. Because once the item arrives, or the contract comes in, you will want to be at your best. You don't want to be exhausted from all of the overthinking, overwork, and self-torture about whether and when it will happen. We are all human, though. Even though these are "first-world" problems, they are still valid problems. Be kind to yourself, and find something to do, or a way of thinking about all of this that makes you feel better. Perhaps you can find a thing to do that fits a number of the above suggestions at once! Playing pickle ball with your friends (yes, you, my dear friends - I'm looking forward to it!) for the first time checks off at least 2 boxes!
Please know we all have times when we are super-frustrated with waiting. Finding a way to "Let Go" and do something good, surely can't hurt. Please feel free to comment with anything you've tried that helped you get through a difficult waiting period. And thanks for reading!
