Fertility Family Services, Peggy Daglian, LMFT

01/13/2022

Understanding TFMR:

TFMR stands for Termination for Medical Reasons. It’s when a baby is diagnosed with a very serious medical condition in the womb and parents have to make the heartbreakig decision to terminate the pregnancy.

Although TFMR is common, it is not talked about as often as it should. Parents who go through the painful decision of terminating a pregnancy often feel that they don’t get as much support. Perhaps, even less support than those who suffer miscarriages. They often feel judged for “deciding” to terminate the pregnancy because there is a misconception that they had more of a “choice” than they actually did. Despite this, they carry around immense guilt for terminating what was most likely a desired pregnancy.

TFMR is a very complex and traumatic experience, often accompanied by layers and layers of medical, legal, and psychological considerations.

Common feelings associated with TFMR include fear, guilt, shame, shock, anger, confusion, rage, and despair.

Parents my be wondering what they did wrong,why this is happening to them, if they’re being punished for something, what to tell their other child, etc…

Depending on the condition, parents may need to consult multiple specialists to understand the diagnosis and prognosis of their baby. Some conditions will also threaten the mothers’ life.

Furthermore, the delivery process can feel extremely sad, scary, and traumatic.

It’s important to remember that TFMR is an individual decision that should be respected. Parents should be provided with the necessary tools and information so they can make the decision that’s best for them and their baby. Parents should process their emotions during and after TFMR and work toward healing from their experiences.

We should all support the women AND their partners who go through this devastating journey. Let’s not make assumptions. Less not pass judgement. What we need is more awareness, more resources, better prenatal care, and more compassion.

11/08/2021

One of my favorite sessions is when I get to see a former client who has now become a mother via egg donation.

Prior to getting pregnant, the focus is on getting through their fertility journey, exploring their reproductive options, grieving and accepting the idea of a non-genetic child, and allowing oneself to redefine and adjust to a different path to motherhood.

I see the hardship and beauty of this phenomenal process. Though not necessarily easy, it’s a worthwhile process nonetheless. Seeing the strength of the bond between mother and child is indication that DNA does not define family.

I am so grateful for these success stories and to live and work in a time of such amazing medical advancements in the field of reproductive health. Thank you science 🙏

04/29/2021

In case anyone needs a reminder!

***mdonation

02/25/2021

Parents who have struggled with infertility often face what feels like insurmountable hurdles and hardships. So when their surrogate delivers their baby, there aren’t enough ways to express the gratitude and relief they feel in their hearts.

Surrogates never forget that moment after birth when they finally get to see the child with the parent. To describe it as magical is an understatement. The beauty of an unparalleled partnership creating nothing short of a life altering experience.

It is truly a privilege to be a witness to these incredible stories. Although I’ve learned that happy endings aren’t always guaranteed, I’ve also learned that when a woman wants to be a mother, not much can stand in her way! 🙌

02/10/2021

💔💔💔

01/14/2021

Well said!
・・・
Welcome to motherhood. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

But it’s also really fu***ng hard.

And it’s OK to talk about that.

It’s OK to talk about how exhausted you are. It’s OK to say you are a kind of tired you never knew existed until your baby arrived.

It’s OK that before this baby arrived you swore you would never take a moment for granted, and now as you sit and hold your precious little love you find yourself at times counting down the seconds until they will sleep again so you can find a sliver of a moment where a human is not attached to you.

It’s OK if it’s taking you some time to bond with your baby. I know - you thought this babe would arrive and there would be this instant connection. But sometimes that doesn’t happen right away - and that’s OK. You are somewhat strangers, and bonding with someone new takes time.

It’s OK to miss your “old life”. All you wanted to be was a mama and now that you are sometimes the dream of motherhood does not match the reality. You’re allowed to miss your “old” self. You’re allowed to miss the freedoms you had before your baby arrived.

It’s OK if you’re wondering where you fit in. You were and still are infertile and/or experienced loss. But now you’re a mom and it’s hard to know where you fit in. Your friends who are still trying to have a baby don’t wanna hear about how hard motherhood can be (and you know this all too well as this was you not so long ago) and your friends who didn’t struggle don’t understand the anxiety and guilt you’re experiencing.

It’s OK that you’re having a hard time. Motherhood is REALLY hard. And just because you struggled to get here doesn’t mean all the realities of how hard motherhood is skip over you. And just because you wanted this so badly and swore you would never “complain” once you had a baby doesn’t mean you have to hold in your very real and very valid feelings.

Dear mama who struggled to get here - you are not a monster for feeling the way you feel. You are human. You are worthy of the title “mommy” even if it’s harder than you could have ever imagined.

While it may not feel like it, you are doing an incredible job. I see you

01/14/2021

On point!

10/03/2020

09/18/2020

Happy Friday everyone!
The last few weeks have been busy!!But someone once said that if you’re loving what you’re doing, it doesn’t really feel like work. That someone was right! 🙏As I reflect on some of my sessions, I thought I’d share the following:

When working with same-sex couples that are trying start a family, I often hear them say, “we wish there was a way for both of us to be biological parents.” While we wait for science to work this out, it has warmed my heart to witness all the beautiful ways gay couples create their families.

In some cases, women choose to have one mother provide the egg while the other mother carries the child, creating a connection for both.

As for fathers, they sometimes choose to create an embryo using s***m from one father and an egg from a female who is related to the other father, such as a sister. This embryo is then transferred into a gestational carrier of their choice. This method allows both fathers to have a genetic connection to the child.

Although these are great options, many couples don’t have these choices, especially when there are other medical barriers such as fertility issues.

Decisions made about the child’s genetic makeup are very important. However, what is equally important is knowing that the lack of a genetic tie does not make one any less of a mother or father, inasmuch as a biological tie does not automatically make one a good parent.

Families are created in a multitude of ways. All are different and all are beautiful! And no matter how these little miracles find their way into life, their story will always be one that starts with love!!

***mdonation

08/26/2020

Just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t happen! 🙏

05/10/2020

To the women who have lost a child or struggling to have one, we know this day is incredibly hard and no words can truly capture the depth of your pain. Sending you love, strength, and a little reminder that you are not forgotten🙏

05/06/2020