11/06/2025
Depression as a Biological Shutdown
In April 2020, at the height of COVID, I found myself trying to be everything at once…
A therapist, a teacher, and a mother — all within the confines of my home.
That period became one of the most profoundly depressed times of my life. It wasn’t simply sadness; it was a full-body collapse.
I didn’t want to exist.
I didn’t want to feel anything at all.
Looking back now, through the lens of the nervous system, I understand that what I was experiencing was biological shutdown — a state of dorsal vagal dominance, where the body’s survival response turns inward, conserving energy and numbing sensation to protect from overwhelming stress.
At the time, I didn’t have the right support system to help me return from that collapse.
I was dysregulated, isolated, and searching for answers in places that minimized or misunderstood the biology of what was happening inside me.
People often talk about depression as if it’s purely psychological, but it’s not. It’s biological.
It’s the body saying, “I can’t keep doing this.”
What I needed then — and what I now strive to give my clients — was someone who could see the truth of that state: that depression isn’t a defect, but a signal.
Over time, my own healing came through learning to regulate my nervous system, to reconnect with my body, and to cultivate self-compassion.
That work didn’t make me immune to shutdown; those patterns still live in me.
But now, when depression arises, it visits instead of stays. I can meet it with awareness, movement, and connection rather than fear.
This experience reshaped how I view depression in others.
I no longer see it as something to be fixed, but as a system asking to be understood.
Healing begins not with advice or effort, but with being seen — biologically, emotionally, and humanly.
