Thriving Family Therapy

11/07/2025

Neurodiversity-affirming care doesn't see autism, ADHD, or other forms of neurodivergence as disorders that need to be cured. Instead, it recognizes that different brains have different needs, different strengths, and different ways of navigating the world. The focus shifts from trying to make someone “normal” to helping them thrive as their authentic selves.

Read the article for more.

Neurodiversity-affirming care sees autistic and ADHD not as “disorders” to be cured, but as different ways of experiencing the world.

11/04/2025

Last month's interview with Morgan Piercy on the Becoming a Therapist podcast is now live on YouTube.

Together, we explore what it means to offer truly neurodiversity-affirming mental health care, how to support autistic adults in therapy, and how clinicians can challenge outdated stereotypes about autism. Morgan and I discussed sensory needs, burnout, masking, and identity development, as well as how to offer compassionate and practical tools for both therapists and clients.

🎙️ Podcast Episode: Supporting Autistic Clients with David Smith, LCSWIn this episode, I sit down with David Smith, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker ...

11/03/2025

Why do neurodivergent people seem to struggle when the seasons change? It turns out that there are scientific explanations - and things we can do.

Note: these findings also apply to seasonal changes from travel, especially between continents and hemispheres.

Why Those of Us With ADHD and/or Autism Struggle When the Leaves Change

11/03/2025

Why do neurodivergent people seem to struggle when the seasons change? It turns out that there are scientific explanations - and things we can do.

Why Those of Us With ADHD and/or Autism Struggle When the Leaves Change

10/16/2025

In the neurodivergent community, Dr. Mel Houser (the author of this article) has a well-deserved reputation as someone who "gets it" and, more importantly, has reimagined her practice and healthcare in general to address problems that are almost universal among neurodivergent people but widely dismissed or unaddressed in traditional medicine. To the point where I've heard neurodivergent people half-joke about moving to Vermont, where Dr. Houser practices, just to be able to get the care they need for complicated stuff.

As someone who's gone through this myself, with chronic conditions all my life that leave most medical people scratching their heads (and sometimes relieved when I do show up with a lab result or virus that they can finally treat), I get it. And as a neurodivergent therapist working primarily with neurodivergent people, the issues Dr. Houser writes about in this article come up a lot. I'm grateful that I've found a few other medical people outside Vermont (some even right here in Grants Pass) who "get it" and are willing and able to take ND people seriously.

Not enough. Which is why Dr. Houser's work is still so important, and such a great resource.

I offer a new service as part of my own therapy practice trying to do something similar to Dr. Houser's efforts - make the world a safer and healthier place for ND people - in which I offer consultation and in-person or virtual trainings to medical professionals, other therapists, employers, schools, or pretty much anyone who is interacting with a neurodivergent person or people and wants to be more neurodiversity-affirming.

No, you don't have to get special certifications, or transfer your client/patient to an autism or ADHD specialist like me (we're all full, anyway, and sadly all too rare). You can just get on the phone or Zoom and I can give you a crash course in what to look for, and look out for, in working with ND people. You can keep your client/patient/employee/student AND greatly improve their experience with you. It's really not hard, you just have to know what to look for and understand that there really is science (and a LOT of lived experience) to back up what ND people are saying, that we experience the world differently and are not getting the support we need, whether it's simple stuff like turning down the way-too-bright lighting in your exam rooms and classrooms, just for a minute, or complicated stuff like what Dr. Houser describes here, using a whole-system approach to humans instead of looking at things in isolation.

There's a growing community of us who are working on addressing this need. You can find out more about my services coming at it from a different angle than Dr. Houser's on my website, www.thrivingfamilytherapy.com. And whether you're a ND person desperate to find someone who believes you (much less can help you) or a medical professional trying to gain better awareness of how to improve care and results for ND people, Dr. Houser's resources at her website (link in the article) really are very useful.

Of course, you still have to find a medical person (or therapist, or employer, friend, teacher, even partner) who will take the time to listen and at least try to believe you instead of telling you you're just "oversensitive" or "anxious." It's a challenge, I know, and often it feels scary and unsafe even to admit what we're dealing with. But this is how we change the world - by showing up, just a little bit more authentically a little more often, and daring to ask for what we need. And believing in ourselves enough to keep asking, and that needing something doesn't make us needy.

There's support out there, if you know where to look. You're more than welcome to reach out to me, whether you're a ND person looking for better help, or a neurotypical person who is seeking better understanding and how to be a better ally. That's what my practice - and, increasingly, my life purpose, as an autistic therapist and writer and speaker working primarily with ND people - is all about.

https://researchautism.org/oaracle-newsletter/reimagining-healthcare-for-autistic-adults/

A new patient walks into my office, looking like a lot of my patients do: exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure whether I’m going to be just another doctor who doesn’t believe them. They’ve already seen a dozen specialists. Some have said “it’s just anxiety.” Others didn’t even say that m...

07/21/2025

The Thriving Family Therapy newsletter is live! If you would like to subscribe, click here:

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07/15/2025

My Youtube channel is now active! I plan to continue to add content more actively on topics related to neurodiversity, complex trauma, PDA, parenting, and burnout, among others. Please follow and share!

Share your videos with friends, family, and the world

07/15/2025

I did a follow-up interview with Jill Nicolini on the Global Podcast Network on July 9. We discussed the goal of increasing access to neurodiversity-affirming care for people with , , and other forms of , as well as , my journey, and common struggles neurodivergent individuals and their families face in a neurotypical world.

What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.

Follow-up interview with Jill Nicolini on the Global Podcast Network, further exploring topics including neurodiversity-affirming care, expanding access to s...

07/09/2025

Is it a trauma response, or autistic overwhelm?

All my life I've struggled with meltdowns and shutdowns in the face of conflict and extreme stress. I always thought this was a trauma response - going into fight/flight/freeze in the face of triggers based on childhood trauma.

What if it isn't that? Or isn't only or always that?

This podcast episode does a great job of reframing dysregulation episodes with a neurodiversity-aware perspective. Highly informative and recommended.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3MpA0trtzuzN40QyLAmiwj?si=bUWSZhSET9mw7Fysd-V7XQ

The Neurodiverging Podcast · Episode

07/08/2025

I've been doing a lot of research and reflection lately on the concept of Internalized PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). Not only because I work with many clients and families where this is a feature of their experience, but because I'm finding that it explains a lot about my own life and patterns.

Internalized Pathological Demand Avoidance (iPDA) is often invisible. People may seem calm or compliant but are quietly struggling with intense anxiety triggered by everyday demands. This hidden form of PDA can lead to perfectionism, procrastination, masking, and burnout. Understanding and recognizing iPDA is crucial for effective support and validation. Learn more about how recognizing iPDA can transform lives.

I've created a detailed article about iPDA - what it is, what's known about the underlying neuropsychology, what it looks like in children and adults, and how to support people who have iPDA features (whether that's yourself or a loved one). If you would like a copy of the materials, please message me or post a comment below, and I'll be happy to send it to you. Awareness helps.

07/07/2025

Often, in relationships, we find ourselves caught in a reactive pattern of attack-avoid, criticize-defend, blame-deny. This can occur in intimate relationships, between parents and children, between siblings, or in any other context in which we are in connection with others.

These patterns can be very destructive, no matter which position we occupy in the dynamic. At the extreme end, they can lead to physical and/or emotional abuse. But even at a more “normal” level, this cycle damages the self-esteem and emotional (and ultimately physical) well-being of everyone it touches. In families, it ripples out to impact everyone in the home, and models a behavioral archetype that will repeat in subsequent generations... until the pattern is broken.

How do you break the cycle?

Ultimately, any pattern of attack-defend relies on one or both parties feeling insecure in themselves and judgmental of both themselves and others. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango” - but it only takes one partner to stop the dance.

If you are whole, peaceful, secure, loving, and free within yourself, you can break this pattern.

When you know, deep in your heart and body and soul, that you are free, you will know that others’ judgments, interpretations, and reactions have nothing to do with you. There will be nothing to defend. You will see that there is no “attack.” All that’s happening is that your shadow side and that of another person are dancing with one another.

The more you realize that you have your own work to do on yourself, and those around you have theirs, the more you will be able to step above and outside these patterns that occur and see them as information for your further growth - not something you have to fix, react to, or get upset about.

Go inside. Your answers - and your peace, love, freedom, and hope - lie within. Don’t react in the moment. Breathe, observe, be mindful of your thoughts and feelings (your own, not anyone else’s), wait. Discover what part of you is being “hooked,” and observe that as something that you need to work on - for yourself, not for anyone else.

You are responsible for your own growth and healing, and no one else’s. As you grow, learn, and expand, those around you will have the opportunity to do so as well. But it’s up to them to take that opportunity, or not. You have no control over their choice.

What can help you get to this place of internal peace, love, freedom, and acceptance? There are many tools that work, and I can help you discover those that work best for you. This work is very individual and specific, and depends on your strengths and goals.

The process of clearing your emotional space of past wounds, disappointments, and patterns that are no longer working for you is the most challenging, and rewarding, journey you can undertake. I would be honored to support you, wherever you are on that journey.