Thriving Family Therapy

11/19/2025

An introduction to my practice - and my YouTube channel, which I'm planning to make more active. Comments would be much appreciated!

KeywordsAutism, ADHD, Neurodiversity-Affirming Care, Neurodivergence, Autistic Therapist, Trauma, Complex Trauma, Mental Health, TherapySummaryIn this conver...

11/07/2025

Neurodiversity-affirming care doesn't see autism, ADHD, or other forms of neurodivergence as disorders that need to be cured. Instead, it recognizes that different brains have different needs, different strengths, and different ways of navigating the world. The focus shifts from trying to make someone “normal” to helping them thrive as their authentic selves.

Read the article for more.

Neurodiversity-affirming care sees autistic and ADHD not as “disorders” to be cured, but as different ways of experiencing the world.

11/04/2025

Last month's interview with Morgan Piercy on the Becoming a Therapist podcast is now live on YouTube.

Together, we explore what it means to offer truly neurodiversity-affirming mental health care, how to support autistic adults in therapy, and how clinicians can challenge outdated stereotypes about autism. Morgan and I discussed sensory needs, burnout, masking, and identity development, as well as how to offer compassionate and practical tools for both therapists and clients.

🎙️ Podcast Episode: Supporting Autistic Clients with David Smith, LCSWIn this episode, I sit down with David Smith, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker ...

11/03/2025

Why do neurodivergent people seem to struggle when the seasons change? It turns out that there are scientific explanations - and things we can do.

Note: these findings also apply to seasonal changes from travel, especially between continents and hemispheres.

Why Those of Us With ADHD and/or Autism Struggle When the Leaves Change

11/03/2025

Why do neurodivergent people seem to struggle when the seasons change? It turns out that there are scientific explanations - and things we can do.

Why Those of Us With ADHD and/or Autism Struggle When the Leaves Change

10/16/2025

In the neurodivergent community, Dr. Mel Houser (the author of this article) has a well-deserved reputation as someone who "gets it" and, more importantly, has reimagined her practice and healthcare in general to address problems that are almost universal among neurodivergent people but widely dismissed or unaddressed in traditional medicine. To the point where I've heard neurodivergent people half-joke about moving to Vermont, where Dr. Houser practices, just to be able to get the care they need for complicated stuff.

As someone who's gone through this myself, with chronic conditions all my life that leave most medical people scratching their heads (and sometimes relieved when I do show up with a lab result or virus that they can finally treat), I get it. And as a neurodivergent therapist working primarily with neurodivergent people, the issues Dr. Houser writes about in this article come up a lot. I'm grateful that I've found a few other medical people outside Vermont (some even right here in Grants Pass) who "get it" and are willing and able to take ND people seriously.

Not enough. Which is why Dr. Houser's work is still so important, and such a great resource.

I offer a new service as part of my own therapy practice trying to do something similar to Dr. Houser's efforts - make the world a safer and healthier place for ND people - in which I offer consultation and in-person or virtual trainings to medical professionals, other therapists, employers, schools, or pretty much anyone who is interacting with a neurodivergent person or people and wants to be more neurodiversity-affirming.

No, you don't have to get special certifications, or transfer your client/patient to an autism or ADHD specialist like me (we're all full, anyway, and sadly all too rare). You can just get on the phone or Zoom and I can give you a crash course in what to look for, and look out for, in working with ND people. You can keep your client/patient/employee/student AND greatly improve their experience with you. It's really not hard, you just have to know what to look for and understand that there really is science (and a LOT of lived experience) to back up what ND people are saying, that we experience the world differently and are not getting the support we need, whether it's simple stuff like turning down the way-too-bright lighting in your exam rooms and classrooms, just for a minute, or complicated stuff like what Dr. Houser describes here, using a whole-system approach to humans instead of looking at things in isolation.

There's a growing community of us who are working on addressing this need. You can find out more about my services coming at it from a different angle than Dr. Houser's on my website, www.thrivingfamilytherapy.com. And whether you're a ND person desperate to find someone who believes you (much less can help you) or a medical professional trying to gain better awareness of how to improve care and results for ND people, Dr. Houser's resources at her website (link in the article) really are very useful.

Of course, you still have to find a medical person (or therapist, or employer, friend, teacher, even partner) who will take the time to listen and at least try to believe you instead of telling you you're just "oversensitive" or "anxious." It's a challenge, I know, and often it feels scary and unsafe even to admit what we're dealing with. But this is how we change the world - by showing up, just a little bit more authentically a little more often, and daring to ask for what we need. And believing in ourselves enough to keep asking, and that needing something doesn't make us needy.

There's support out there, if you know where to look. You're more than welcome to reach out to me, whether you're a ND person looking for better help, or a neurotypical person who is seeking better understanding and how to be a better ally. That's what my practice - and, increasingly, my life purpose, as an autistic therapist and writer and speaker working primarily with ND people - is all about.

https://researchautism.org/oaracle-newsletter/reimagining-healthcare-for-autistic-adults/

A new patient walks into my office, looking like a lot of my patients do: exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure whether I’m going to be just another doctor who doesn’t believe them. They’ve already seen a dozen specialists. Some have said “it’s just anxiety.” Others didn’t even say that m...

10/11/2025

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples

Given that I specialize in working with neurodivergent people and their loved ones, I often come across situations where a client is in a relationship with someone of a different neurotype, which is a common source of conflict, communication problems, and distress. I’ve also experienced this personally, as an autistic person who has had an active romantic life for 40 years and has been married twice. Autistic people, ADHDers, and neurotypical folks communicate and relate in very different ways, with very different expectations. Dr. Damian Milton pinpointed the core issue in his “double empathy problem” concept, introduced in 2012, which at its core can be summarized thusly: people of the same neurotype (autistic to autistic, ADHD to ADHD, neurotypical to neurotypical) generally communicate and understand one another quite well. It’s when we cross neurotypes (autistic to ADHD, for example) that we run into problems. It isn’t, as conventional “wisdom” might tell us, that autistic people have poor social skills or don’t know how to communicate. It’s that our patterns and expectations and interpretations and modes of communicating are just different. From a neurotypical normative perspective, that’s viewed as a “deficit” or “deficiency.” But watch autistics interact with each other, and you’ll see we generally do just fine.

Ask an autistic like me to communicate with an ADHDer, however, and hoo boy, do we have problems. Before I’ve even begun to formulate my thought, they’re on to the next topic, and their constant interruptions (as their brains are exploding with ideas and associations and new topics) feel to me like repeated train derailments. And to the ADHDer, my droning on and on about all the nuances of a topic they (believe they) got within the first 15 seconds after I started speaking sound like the Peanuts teacher, and all they hear is “wah wah wah.”

It’s a problem. And what’s really interesting is that autistics and ADHDers tend to pair up quite often. To an autistic like me, that ADHDer adds excitement, spice, fun, courage, adventure, a drive to experiment that normally I would really struggle with - she makes life more interesting and expands my horizons. To the ADHDer, an autistic person brings stability, routine, calmness, coregulation, an ability to plan and organize… a rock in a stormy sea. At first. As the relationship goes on, however, the very things we appreciated most in the beginning become exactly the things that drive us crazy later on.

Knowing this is common and even normal is somewhat helpful. But I was reaching that point (where I often get to in my work) where just normalizing and validating things doesn’t feel super helpful, and I wanted to find answers that actually help.

So… here’s my first draft of actual resources that are out there for neurodiverse relationships. (Meaning, people of different neurotypes trying to get along. Autism/ADHD, neurodivergent/neurotypical, whatever.) I’ve tried to include a wide mix of formats knowing that, for example, my autistic brothers and sisters will go directly to the books (and then probably dive onto Google Scholar to get at the actual research), whereas my ADHDers will probably react to this whole post as TL:DR but maybe, if we’re lucky, pick a TikTok or Insta account and get sucked in.

You do you. Just find something that resonates and seems to help, and then please, share it with your partner. Preferably in whatever way they can digest, even if it means drawing diagrams or offering a 10-second summary - or using Claude or ChatGPT to generate a list of peer-reviewed articles backing up your TikTok find so your autistic person can do their deep-dive thing without expecting you to get an instant master’s degree.

Here’s the list. Please offer any suggestions or additions in the comments, which hopefully I will remember how to enable. If all else fails, DM me on Insta or FB at .

Resource List for Neurodiverse Couples

Books

Love and Asperger's: Practical Strategies To Help Couples Understand Each Other and Strengthen Their Connectionby Kate McNulty, LCSW – Written by an autistic Gottman-certified therapist who specializes in neurodiverse couples. Offers practical, evidence-based strategies from both personal and clinical experience. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Aspergers-Strategies-Understand-Strengthen/dp/1647397243

Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) by Eva A. Mendes, LMHC – Addresses diagnosis, communication, sensory needs, executive functioning, and co-parenting with neurodiversity-affirming practical strategies. https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples by Eva A. Mendes – Features insights from successful neurodiverse couples about what actually works in their relationships. https://www.eva-mendes.com/books/

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps by Melissa Orlov – Award-winning book (listed in Huff Post as a top recommendation) specifically addressing ADHD's impact on relationships with worksheets and practical tools. https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971

The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD by Melissa Orlov & Nancie Kohlenberger – Focuses on "hot spots" like communication, anger, and household management with actionable strategies. https://www.adhdmarriage.com/resources/books/couples-guide-thriving-adhd

Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship by Dr. Lorna Hecker – Comprehensive roadmap for understanding strengths and challenges in mixed-neurotype relationships.

Podcasts

Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay – Features episodes specifically on autism-ADHD couple dynamics, including interviews with experts like Eva Mendes and discussions of communication strategies. https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love

YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton, MEd – Explores real-life couples navigating autism and ADHD in relationships, with practical insights and the question "Can neurodiverse relationships work?" https://jodicarlton.com/podcast/

Divergent Conversations – Co-hosted by Dr. Megan Anna Neff (clinical psychologist), focuses on autism and ADHD experiences including relationship dynamics.

The Autism ADHD Podcast with Holly Blanc Moses – Neurodiversity-affirming podcast covering mental health, emotional regulation, and social interaction for autistic and ADHD individuals. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-autism-adhd-podcast/id1485255815

Websites & Online Resources

Kate McNulty's Website (AutisticTherapist.com) – Resources, articles, and information from a Gottman-certified, AASECT-certified s*x therapist who is autistic herself. https://autistictherapist.com/

Eva Mendes' Website – Offers psychotherapy, coaching, and resources specifically for neurodiverse couples where one or both partners are autistic or have ADHD. https://www.eva-mendes.com/

ADHD and Marriage (ADHDMarriage.com) – Melissa Orlov's comprehensive site with blogs, forums, courses, and membership programs specifically for couples impacted by ADHD. https://www.adhdmarriage.com/

Laurie Budlong-Morse's Resources Page – Extensive collection of articles, videos, and resources on neurodiverse relationships including workshops and courses. https://www.lauriebmorse.com/resources

Jodi Carlton's Website – Offers the NeuroTranslator App (use code "JODI" for 30% off), quizzes, and coaching specifically for mixed-neurotype couples. https://jodicarlton.com/

Neurodivergent Insights – Dr. Megan Anna Neff's site with educational resources, including articles on cross-neurotype communication and the double empathy problem. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/

Neurodiverse Couples Counseling – Specialized online counseling service for autism, ADHD, and AuDHD couples with strength-based approaches. https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/

Courses & Workshops

Your Relationship Roadmap: Neurodiverse Couples Workshop by Laurie Budlong-Morse, LMFT – Online workshop with content, exercises, and couples dialogues focused on self-compassion and partner-compassion. https://www.lauriebmorse.com/resources

Peter M. Friedman Neurodiverse Couples Institute (through AANE - Asperger/Autism Network) – Offers specialized training and certification for therapists and resources for couples.

Kate McNulty's Training Series through The Chicago School – Workshops on autism assessment, ADHD assessment, couples therapy for neurodiverse couples, and s*x therapy for autistic adults. https://tcsppofficeofce.com/kate-mcnulty-lcsw/

Social Media Channels

(Rich & Rox) on Instagram and TikTok – Popular couple (1M+ followers) sharing authentic, humorous content about navigating ADHD in their neurotypical/ADHD relationship. https://www.instagram.com/adhd_love_/https://www.tiktok.com/

on Instagram and TikTok – Neurodiverse relationship coach sharing practical strategies and insights for mixed-neurotype couples.

(Mona Kay) on Instagram – Shares resources, conversation cards, and supportive content for neurodiverse couples.

on Instagram – LMFT specializing in neurodiverse relationships with educational content and support.

Support Groups & Community

AANE (Asperger/Autism Network) – Offers spouse/partner support groups, couples groups, and resources specifically for neurodiverse relationships.

ADHD Marriage Forums – Online community where couples impacted by ADHD can share experiences, ask questions, and find support. https://www.adhdmarriage.com/

Therapist Neurodiversity Collective – International space promoting neurodiversity-affirming practices with resources and directories. https://therapistndc.org/education/

Key Articles & Concepts

"The Double Empathy Problem" by Dr. Damian Milton – Essential concept for understanding cross-neurotype communication challenges (both partners struggle to understand each other's perspectives, not just the autistic partner).

"Two Different Brains in Love: Conflict Resolution in Neurodiverse Relationships" – Gottman Institute article addressing specific conflict patterns in neurodiverse couples. https://www.gottman.com/blog/two-different-brains-in-love-conflict-resolution-in-neurodiverse-relationships/

07/21/2025

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07/15/2025

My Youtube channel is now active! I plan to continue to add content more actively on topics related to neurodiversity, complex trauma, PDA, parenting, and burnout, among others. Please follow and share!

Share your videos with friends, family, and the world

07/15/2025

I did a follow-up interview with Jill Nicolini on the Global Podcast Network on July 9. We discussed the goal of increasing access to neurodiversity-affirming care for people with , , and other forms of , as well as , my journey, and common struggles neurodivergent individuals and their families face in a neurotypical world.

What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.

Follow-up interview with Jill Nicolini on the Global Podcast Network, further exploring topics including neurodiversity-affirming care, expanding access to s...

07/09/2025

Is it a trauma response, or autistic overwhelm?

All my life I've struggled with meltdowns and shutdowns in the face of conflict and extreme stress. I always thought this was a trauma response - going into fight/flight/freeze in the face of triggers based on childhood trauma.

What if it isn't that? Or isn't only or always that?

This podcast episode does a great job of reframing dysregulation episodes with a neurodiversity-aware perspective. Highly informative and recommended.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3MpA0trtzuzN40QyLAmiwj?si=bUWSZhSET9mw7Fysd-V7XQ

The Neurodiverging Podcast · Episode

07/08/2025

I've been doing a lot of research and reflection lately on the concept of Internalized PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). Not only because I work with many clients and families where this is a feature of their experience, but because I'm finding that it explains a lot about my own life and patterns.

Internalized Pathological Demand Avoidance (iPDA) is often invisible. People may seem calm or compliant but are quietly struggling with intense anxiety triggered by everyday demands. This hidden form of PDA can lead to perfectionism, procrastination, masking, and burnout. Understanding and recognizing iPDA is crucial for effective support and validation. Learn more about how recognizing iPDA can transform lives.

I've created a detailed article about iPDA - what it is, what's known about the underlying neuropsychology, what it looks like in children and adults, and how to support people who have iPDA features (whether that's yourself or a loved one). If you would like a copy of the materials, please message me or post a comment below, and I'll be happy to send it to you. Awareness helps.