10/29/2025
I talk a lot about the more insecure attachment styles ( anxious, preoccupied, fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant) so today let’s take a look at 8 ways people who are securely attached view relationships:
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🧭 1. They See Relationships as Safe, Not Dangerous
Securely attached people believe:
“It’s okay to depend on someone — and for them to depend on me.”
They view intimacy as nourishing, not threatening.
They expect emotional closeness to bring comfort, not chaos.
Because they feel safe internally, connection doesn’t feel like a loss of freedom — it feels like a base of support.
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❤️ 2. They Believe Love Is Built on Trust, Not Control
• They trust that people can care for them without constant proof.
• They don’t feel the need to test, chase, or withdraw to feel secure.
• They give their partner freedom because they believe the bond is strong enough to withstand distance or difference.
“If you love me, I can let you breathe — because I’m not afraid you’ll disappear.”
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💬 3. They See Communication as a Bridge, Not a Battle
Securely attached people approach conflict with the mindset:
“We can talk about hard things without breaking.”
They:
• Bring up issues directly but kindly.
• Listen to understand, not to defend.
• Apologize and repair quickly when tension arises.
They see communication as connection maintenance, not emotional warfare.
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🌱 4. They View Dependence and Independence as Compatible
They don’t fear being “too needy” or “too distant.”
They understand:
“Healthy dependence and healthy independence coexist.”
They can:
• Lean on their partner when needed.
• Be alone without feeling abandoned.
• Encourage their partner’s individuality, because it doesn’t threaten the bond.
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🪞 5. They See Themselves and Their Partner as Equally Valuable
Their inner belief is:
“I am worthy of love and so are you.”
They don’t idealize or diminish their partner.
They can hold both strengths and flaws — theirs and others’ — without judgment.
This creates mutual respect and stability.
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⚖️ 6. They Expect and Embrace Repair
They know every relationship has ruptures.
What matters isn’t perfection, but the ability to reconnect.
So they think:
“If something goes wrong, we’ll talk it through.”
They trust in their ability — and their partner’s — to rebuild safety after conflict.
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🌤️ 7. They See Love as Growth, Not Rescue
They don’t seek someone to fix, save, or complete them.
They choose a partner to grow alongside, not hide behind.
They hold this energy:
“We both take responsibility for our own healing — and support each other in it.”
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🕊️ 8. They View Commitment as Freedom, Not Confinement
Because their security comes from within, commitment doesn’t feel like being trapped.
It feels like being anchored — a safe home base from which to explore the world.
“I’m free because I’m secure — not in spite of it”
The good news? They are very specific things that you can do to work towards becoming more securely attached to yourself and others
Come find out more in my Cultivating Thriving Relationships workshop at Kinward on 11/15 from 9-1.
Here’s the link to register
https://kinwardcenter.org/product/thriving-relationships-f25/
