Kayla Marston, LMFT

02/06/2026

Attachment + Systems Theory: Why Your Reactions Make Sense

Often times parents, partners, and individuals come into therapy saying some version of:
“I don’t know why I react this way.”

From an attachment and family‑systems lens, the answer is rarely about personal flaws — it’s about patterns.

Attachment theory shows that our early relationships teach us what to expect from others:

• whether comfort is available
• whether emotions are safe
• whether we have to perform, please, or stay quiet to stay connected

Systems theory adds another layer: we don’t develop in isolation.
We learn our roles, coping strategies, and emotional “jobs” inside the systems we grew up in — families, communities, cultures.

When those early patterns collide with adult stress, parenting demands, or relationship conflict, our nervous system often responds automatically. Not because we’re broken, but because we’re wired for connection and protection.

If you’ve ever wondered why you shut down, get overwhelmed, overfunction, or feel “too much,” it’s not a character flaw. It’s a learned survival strategy. And learned patterns can be unlearned.

Therapy can help you:

• notice the pattern
• understand where it came from
• interrupt what no longer serves you
• build new ways of relating that feel safer and more connected

Your reactions make sense.
Your growth is possible.
And your story isn’t fixed.

12/24/2025

As we celebrate this festive season, let’s remember the importance of mental and relational well-being. Here are a few quick reminders to keep in mind:

💡Self-Care is Essential: Take time for yourself. It’s okay to rest and recharge when things get overwhelming.
💡Open Communication: Keep conversations with loved ones kind, open, and honest. Clear communication strengthens relationships.
💡Quality Time Matters: Spend quality moments with family, even if it’s just a few minutes of genuine connection.
💡Set Healthy Boundaries: It's okay to say "no" or take a step back when needed. Your mental health matters.
Embrace Imperfection: Holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Let go of unrealistic expectations.
💡Support Each Other: The holidays can be tough for some. Reach out, offer support, and listen when someone needs it.
💡Gratitude & Reflection: Take a moment to reflect on the good things, even the small moments that made you smile.

Wishing you peace, love, and joy during this holiday season! 🎄❤️

11/13/2025

Love the way this is explained, secure attachment is the goal and emotional integration is a big part of reaching it ❤️

When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, it can swing between extremes. One moment, “My partner is horrible!” The next, “It’s all my fault; I should be grateful.” This is called splitting, a trauma response rooted in insecure attachment. It’s your body’s way of trying to protect you from pain and uncertainty.

When your nervous system feels safe, something new becomes possible: emotional integration. You can feel anger without losing sight of love. You can see your partner’s strengths and hold them accountable for their impact. You can honor your pain while staying connected.

11/13/2025

Wonderful group for those looking for support navigating pregnancy/child loss ❤️🪽

🎄 Hope at Christmas 🎄
Our last Hope Mamas Meet-Up of the year is happening on Saturday, December 6th at 9:00 AM at Coastal Fog (Greenville, NC).

The Christmas season can hold both joy and heartache. It’s a time of light, love, and often, tender remembrance. Wherever your heart is this season, you don’t have to walk through it alone. 💛

Join us for a morning of connection, reflection, and a special Christmas craft as we create something meaningful together. Please let us know if you’re coming so we can have enough supplies prepared.

Let’s close out the year by gathering in hope, love, and gentle remembrance.

11/10/2025

🎄 Healthy Boundaries for the Holiday Season 🎄
The holidays can bring both joy and stress. While we look forward to connection and tradition, family time can also stir up old patterns and roles—like the fixer, the peacemaker, or the one who stays quiet to keep the peace.

From a family systems lens, recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. Healthy boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges that let you stay connected without losing yourself.

💡 A few reminders for this season:

✅ Check in with yourself. Your emotions and body cues tell you where your limits are.
✅ Communicate clearly and kindly. Boundaries like “I’ll need to head home by 8” or “Let’s change the topic” protect connection and authenticity.
✅ Regulate before you relate. Deep breaths, short breaks, or co-regulating with a partner or trusted friend can help you respond rather than react.
✅ Let go of guilt. Saying “no” or setting limits isn’t selfish—it’s healthy.

Research in Family Systems and Attachment Theory shows that clear, compassionate boundaries strengthen relationships and support emotional safety. 💛

✨ How will you honor your own boundaries this holiday season?

11/04/2025

Great info about the different types of boundaries! 💡

10/01/2025

What's driving the behavior you are seeing?

To provide effective support, let's look at possible underlying needs and consider how to respond in a helpful way.

Remember, keeping yourself regulated and utilizing your own coping skills as needed is key to creating calm so you can move through the moment together.

These moments present an opportunity for connection, don't miss it! 

08/28/2025

❤️

08/22/2025

As the first day of school approaches, it’s helpful to remember that what we see in our children is often just the tip of the iceberg.
Anxiety around school may show up as stomachaches, headaches, irritability, meltdowns, or defiance—but underneath, there may be deeper layers such as difficulties with transitions, separation anxiety, learning struggles, sensory overload, or worries about belonging.

As caregivers, one of the most powerful things we can do is pause and look beneath the surface. Instead of only addressing the behavior, we can ask: What might my child be experiencing underneath?

Your attunement, patience, and connection help children feel safe and supported as they navigate change. 💙

08/10/2025

Marriage Moment 💡

In conflict, couples tend to get caught up in who’s right. In couples therapy, I work with partners see the cycle, the repeating pattern you both get pulled into when you’re hurt or stressed.

When you can say, “We’re in our cycle,” you shift from me vs. you to us vs. the problem. That’s where real change can begin.

Recognizing the cycle is the first step, now here are 3 simple ways you can interrupt it and create healthier habits together, starting today.

Use a Calm-Down Pause
When emotions run high, agree to take a short break, 10 to 20 minutes to regulate. Agree to come back when you’re both ready to listen and talk respectfully.

Switch from “You” Statements to “I” Statements
Instead of saying, “You always…” try expressing how you feel by saying, “I feel [emotion] when [situation].” Speaking from your own experience invites connection and lowers defensiveness.

End the Day with a Positive Connection
Before bed, share one thing you appreciated about each other that day. Small moments of gratitude build emotional safety over time.

Remember, every small step you take together helps build a stronger, more connected marriage. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it starts with awareness and intention.

08/10/2025

This week, let's make a conscious effort to create love-defining moments for our children. The connection and presence we provide as parents lay the groundwork for their future relationships ❤️

For guidance on strengthening parent-child relationships or overall family relational health, please don't hesitate to reach out!

06/16/2025

As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, I often emphasize the importance of attachment parenting - not just for children, but for the strength of the entire family system.

👶🏽 Why does it matter? Because when children feel safe, seen, and soothed, they develop secure attachment - leading to better emotional regulation, comfort, and deeper connection with caregivers.

💛 Stronger bonds at home lead to safer, more nurturing environments and provide foundations for lifelong healthy relationships.

Let’s keep building strong families, one connection at a time.
If you feel your family could use support in this area, I’m here to help.