Hilary Goulding, LMFT

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Hilary Goulding, LMFT

Hi, I'm Hilary! I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

I help women, teens, and couples and am accepting new clients in-person and virtually at my Denver office and virtually in CA.

03/17/2026

One of the reasons high-functioning anxiety goes unnoticed is because it often looks like competence.

Many women with anxiety are:

- very responsible
- very thoughtful
- very reliable

They anticipate problems, stay organized, and work hard to meet expectations.

But what others see as “having it all together” can sometimes come from a nervous system that feels like it has to stay on high alert.

Over time, that constant pressure can be draining.

Anxiety doesn’t have to run the show in your life.

It’s possible to keep the strengths you value—like being thoughtful and responsible—while also learning how to feel calmer and less overwhelmed.

If you found this helpful:
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🙋🏼‍♀️ Interested in therapy?
Now accepting new CO & CA clients
Use the link in bio to schedule your free consultation

02/27/2026

Attachment styles in under 60 seconds ⏱️

The way you connect in relationships isn’t random. It was learned early, and it can change with awareness.

✨ Secure — comfortable with closeness + independence
✨ Anxious — craves reassurance, fears abandonment
✨ Avoidant — values independence, struggles with vulnerability
✨ Disorganized — wants connection but also fears it

Most of us aren’t just one style. We lean certain ways, especially when stressed.

Understanding your pattern = more clarity, less confusion, healthier relationships 💛

Which one do you relate to most?

02/26/2026

Thinking about couples therapy… but feeling nervous about what it might be like?

I hear this all the time in my practice.

Most couples don’t avoid therapy because they don’t care about their relationship. They avoid it because they’re scared. Scared of being blamed. Scared of being misunderstood. Scared it will turn into another painful conversation that goes nowhere.

Couples therapy isn’t about picking sides or deciding who’s “the problem.” It’s about understanding the patterns that keep both of you stuck and learning how to move toward each other instead of further apart.

You don’t have to be on the brink of divorce.
You don’t have to have the “right words.”
You don’t even have to feel confident it will work.

You just have to be hurting enough to want something to change.

If your relationship feels heavy, distant, tense, or fragile… support can help. And taking that first step is often the hardest part 💛

If you’ve been wondering whether couples therapy might help, this is your sign that you don’t have to figure it out alone.

✨ Link in bio to learn more or get started

02/20/2026

“One of my favorite relationship tools is this phrase:
‘The story I’m telling myself is…’

Because when we’re upset, we don’t just react to what happened — we react to the meaning we made up about it.

So instead of saying, ‘You’re mad at me’ or ‘You think I don’t do enough,’ try this:

👉 ‘The story I’m telling myself is that you’re upset with me and feel like I let you down.’

Why this works: you’re not accusing — you’re inviting clarification.

And a lot of the time, your partner will say,
‘No, that’s not it at all.’

Suddenly, you’re not fighting each other… you’re fact-checking the story.

It lowers defensiveness, increases understanding, and turns conflict into connection.”

10/13/2025

Working on saying no? Here are your go to’s:

✨ “I don’t have capacity for that right now.”

✨ “That’s not going to work for me.”

✨ “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll pass.”

✨ “Let me get back to you.” (Buys time and peace of mind.)

Saying no can be kind and clear — both things can be true 💛

10/12/2025

Here’s what the overthinking loop usually sounds like:

“I just want to make the right choice.”
“If I think about it a little more, I’ll feel better.”
“What if I miss something important?”

Your brain’s trying to help you. It believes that by thinking harder, it can keep you safe.
The problem? You get stuck in the spin — analyzing instead of living.

Therapist tip:
🪞 Overthinking isn’t a thinking problem — it’s an emotional regulation problem.
Your brain is searching for safety.
So instead of adding more thinking, try more calming.

Start small:
💭 Say, “This is my anxiety talking.”
🌿 Do something grounding (walk, breathe, stretch).
📓 Then ask yourself: “What’s actually in my control right now?”

Each time you do, you’re teaching your nervous system that safety doesn’t come from perfect answers — it comes from presence.

✨ Want more therapist-backed tools to help you quiet your mind?
I shared my go-to methods in my newest blog: How to Stop Overthinking.
(Link in bio)

10/10/2025

Progress, not perfection. But also… close the pantry door. 🤣

Anyone else’s partner and/or kids leave every door, drawer and cabinet open? 🫠

10/08/2025

You’re doing everything right — eating well, getting enough sleep (mostly), staying active… so why do you still feel so tired?

Sometimes exhaustion isn’t about what you’re doing — it’s about what’s weighing on you.

Here are a few sneaky drains on your energy you might not realize:

✨ Emotional labor: Managing everyone’s feelings, smoothing over tension, keeping things running — it’s invisible work, but it’s work.

🧠 Mental overload: Constant decision-making and overthinking leave your brain no space to rest.

💬 Self-criticism: That inner voice telling you to “do more” or “be better” quietly chips away at your energy.

⏰ Chronic productivity: Even your “rest” time has a goal attached — and that keeps your nervous system on alert.

Sometimes what you need isn’t more sleep — it’s more permission to slow down.
Because you deserve rest that actually restores you, not just sleep that keeps you going.

09/27/2025

If you’re a high-achieving mom, you probably know this feeling: your body just doesn’t shut off. Even when life looks good on the outside, inside you’re running on high alert.

👉 Your nervous system has gotten stuck in survival mode. The first step isn’t forcing yourself to “just relax.” It’s teaching your body little by little that it’s safe to slow down—like noticing your feet on the floor, taking a few deeper breaths, or letting yourself fully enjoy one small moment without multitasking. Over time, these micro-reminders help your nervous system trust that it’s okay to come out of overdrive. 💛

09/26/2025

The truth? Anxiety always has a reason… it’s just not always obvious.

It could be:
☕ That extra iced latte
😴 Lack of sleep
📈 Stress stacking up quietly
🌀 Old brain patterns firing
🌍 Or honestly… just being a human in 2025

When it feels like it’s “out of nowhere,” it’s usually your nervous system waving a flag: “I’m maxed out, help me reset!”

👉 So instead of spiraling on “why am I like this?”, ask:
“What do I need right now to feel a little safer, calmer, or supported?”

You don’t have to decode every anxious thought to feel better. You just need tools to remind your body it’s okay.

✨ This is exactly the kind of work we do in therapy — teaching your brain and body how to downshift out of overdrive.

09/22/2025

While the frustration is real (and valid), this approach almost guarantees defensiveness, a fight, or shutdown.

Instead, try an I statement.
It’s a simple 3-part formula that shifts the conversation from blame to connection:

✨ I feel… (your emotion)
✨ about… (the specific situation, not their character)
✨ and I need… (a clear, respectful request)

Example:
💬 “I feel overwhelmed about all the housework piling up, and I need some help with the dishes tonight.”

This way, you’re expressing your emotions + needs without attacking your partner. And it massively increases your chances of actually being heard 🙌

09/19/2025

✨Your anxiety isn’t what’s overwhelming you… it’s your relationship to it.✨

Anxiety on its own is just your brain + body trying to keep you safe. The overwhelm comes from:
• Fighting it
• Judging it
• Pretending it’s not there
• Or spiraling in “what ifs” about having it in the first place

When you shift your relationship with anxiety—from enemy to messenger—you start to take back your power.

Instead of: “Why am I like this?!”
Try: “What is my anxiety trying to tell me right now?”

The goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety—it’s to learn how to meet it differently so it doesn’t run the show.

Address

6000 Greenwood Plaza Boulevard , Suite 105
Greenwood Village, CO
80111

Telephone

+17207309064

Website

http://www.hilarygouldingtherapy.com/

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