02/14/2020
Change is hard. Any change to something unfamiliar seems, at best, inconvenient and, a lot of times, unthinkable.
Why?
Because the familiar feels safe and the unfamiliar seems scary. So, how can we change when the unknown feels so terrifying and overwhelming?
I think the answer is different for each of us because we are all wired differently and the things we want to change take wildly diverse approaches. One key aspect of change is being honest; first with ourselves and then with the people that care about us. It's incredibly helpful and often quite difficult to be honest with ourselves and our support systems about 1) our capability, 2) our conscience, and 3) our consent to change.
Most of the time, we focus on our conscience or what we "should" do and ignore the other two key aspects of sustainable change. For example, we may say, “I SHOULD wake up earlier because I would be more productive." So, we set or alarm for an hour earlier and then we hit snooze 14 times until our normal (comfortable) wake time, and then we say "I just can't wake up early. I've tried and it doesn't work, however, this is less likely to happen if we pay attention to the honest levels of consent and capability for earlier wake up times.
I'm lying to myself if I say I'm 100% on board with waking up an hour earlier. And I'm also lying if I say my body is capable of making the change all at once.
I could say honestly, perhaps, I am 30% on board and fully capable of waking up 5 minutes earlier. Now I'm entering this endeavor expecting discomfort and small amounts of progress, and I'm not disappointed by falling short of an impossible goal. I'm actually encouraged and energized that I did it and it was less uncomfortable than I feared. Now, being honest, I’m 40% on board and 100% more confident. And my experiences involve small successes rather than big failures.
What have you always thought you "should" change and consistently fail at? What is your realistic capacity and consent for that change? What is a smaller piece of that big change that is possible?