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a_purdy_journey, Gulf Breeze, FL (2025)

08/27/2021

Zero.

EFS - Empty Follicle Syndrome - occurs possibly because trigger injection mistimed, the follicles are so large they collapse, low ovarian response, or the follicles simply do not have eggs in them.

A loss is a loss ❤️

A loss is a loss at any stage. An egg retrieval resulting in zero eggs/zero blastocysts is a loss.

They all hurt. They all cause grief. They all change who we are.

Infertility is filled with loss. There’s no reason to downplay the loss because I think someone else’s was more traumatizing.

Every story is unique. I deserve to grieve without guilt.

Yet, the guilt is so overwhelming this go round.

I feel so guilty about the money that we have spent, with NOTHING to show from it.

Guilty about the time that I’ve asked my amazing family to take out of their lives to help during the wild and unpredictable process.

Guilt about still having the desire to move forward in some capacity.

Guilt about asking Adam to support my dreams of having one more.

Guilt about being angry at the doctors, that they could have potentially caught that I would ovulate sooner, or mistimed my medicine.

Not sure where we go from here. But wanted to say thank you for reaching out, your prayers and support. It makes the devastation sting a bit less when we know we have such amazing support.

Thank you ❤️

08/26/2021

In just a few minutes I’ll move to the procedure room, a small private whereabouts anesthesiologist will insert an IV and place me under “twilight anesthesia.” This isn’t the general anesthesia used in more invasive surgeries—it’s a medication-induced sleep during where I will be breathing on my own.

Using an ultrasound guide, the doctor will find my ovaries, which hopefully still has my tiny egg follicles. The doctor will gently insert a thin needle attached to a catheter through the wall and draw out the eggs, one by one, from the follicles using light suction. The eggs are collected in test tubes which will then be handed off to the embryologist through a special window that leads from the procedure room to the lab.

That’s it! No stitches. No scars. The whole process will take probably 15–20 minutes.

When I wake up, I will be wheeled into a recovery bay, where they will monitor me for 30–60 minutes. Then, before I leave, the team will let me know how many eggs were retrieved and moved to our embryology

I will feel a bit groggy from the anesthesia so Adam will be taking care of me for the rest of the day while I rest. If we get any eggs, they will call me to tell me if they are mature and if any fertilized. This is the part where I have to take one step at a time.

I have been very uncomfortable since about 2am, so I’m ready to get this slow going! Thank you for your continued support and prayers❤️❤️

08/25/2021

We have officially pulled the trigger! 2 of the 3 trigger shots!

We have endured 12 days on ovarian stimulation and monitoring to follow the growth and development of my follicles.

We are at the point where we administer , at precise times (to the exact hour and minute ), trigger shots of Lupron and HCG to “trigger “ the follicles to release the eggs.

Next step is egg retrieval on Thursday morning. Approximately 34 hours after trigger shots. I will be under anesthesia where they will insert a needle into each follicle to aspirate the egg. There is no guarantee that each follicle has an egg or that the egg is a mature one.

The nerves are setting to set in. Trying really hard not to think about all the things that could go wrong, but how can I not? I’ve been here before…

Preparing myself for what can happen with such few follicles to be working with, but also reminding myself that He is bigger than any of this, and if this is the path that He has planned for us, then it only takes 1 good quality egg.

Cheers to trigger shots and calm hearts ♥️

08/13/2021

Well….Here I am….

Back in the game, after taking 3 months to focus my mind and body to prepare for our *last* attempt at an IVF cycle. I have done everything in my power and to my knowledge to prepare my body in the best possible way to, hopefully, stimulate better than our last attempt.

While I did all of the preparation I knew to be possible, it’s amazing how quickly you can forget how lonely (I know I am not alone, but knowing that I am the only one going through EXACTLY what I am going through has a sense of loneliness) this process can feel.

**Here are some things that I learned yesterday at my baseline:**
< I don’t have any cysts or anything prohibiting me from starting stimulating >
< My AMH is significantly lower than when we tested back in January >
< Was also reminded that these hormone levels do fluctuate during your cycle so unless you test on the same day of your cycle each time, these numbers can be hard to compare >
< You can mix two of the shots (Menopur and Gonal F) together to administer one shot instead of two! > (How have I been doing this for so many years and just learning this!?

I will go back to Tally on Monday to have another ultrasound and bloodwork done to see how my body is reacting to the meds. But until then, I leave you with this…..

Here’s to you, warriors.

To your struggles & the obstacles you overcome every single day. You may lose battles along the way but you will win the war. So on the days you feel hopeless, defeated and like giving up, I hope you find the motivation, strength and desire to keep going. Remember, you are stronger than you realize. Know that you are not defined by your struggles. If you fall, dust yourself off and keep fighting. You are a warrior and you will get through this.

05/06/2021

I’ve had quite a few of you ask what supplements I decided on to take consistently for these three months in preparation for a better retrieval outcome, so I thought I would just lay it all out. I may spotlight each of them in the future, but for now I’ll just list the things I’ve added above my typical Prenatal.

CoQ10 - (600 mg per day) (Splitting up in 3 doses during the day) -Used for cell growth and maintenance, and also has antioxidant properties. It may support the mitochondria within the egg cells, potentially slowing reproductive aging. In some studies, they resulted in a higher chance of producing healthy embryos, lower doses of required medication, and a slightly higher pregnancy rate than untreated IVF cycles. Also showed increase in follicle count and the ovaries’ response to medication during an IUI or IVF cycle.

Vitamin D - (5000 iu) Vitamin D has been each shown to help in every aspect of reproduction, from egg development to implantation of the embryo. A recent study found that women with higher vitamin D levels were significantly more likely to achieve pregnancy from IVF compared to women with lower levels of vitamin D.

Acai - (3000mg) Acai is an amazing anti-aging substance and can help with the energy level of your egg and s***m — your mitochondria. You can have eggs extracted at 25, but if you have eggs extracted at 40 they won’t act the same because the mitochondria are different. They’re not as strong. The supplements may help with the mitochondria.

NAD by Tru Nagen (300mg) - There are some clinical studies that show that these supplements have helped with anti-aging. Some studies show that AMH levels over time that the rate of change (egg loss rate) will be slower by taking these supplements.

Pterostilbene (100mg) - This is a potent antioxidant that has shown to help with egg quality, reducing inflammation, managing diabetes, reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, improving neurological function, and countering the aging process.

Melatonin (10mg) - An antioxidant, meaning it inhibits the process of oxidation. When cells become oxidized, they create free radicals which damages the cell. By reducing the amount of damage to the egg cells, melatonin increases egg quality, leading to higher fertilization rates during IVF.

Magnesium - 600 mg - magnesium helps maintain a good blood supply to the womb and is vital for the production of progesterone, "the pregnancy hormone." Low magnesium intake is also linked to chronic inflammation, which is one of the drivers of aging and associated with poor egg quality and poor fertility outcomes.

05/04/2021

I realized that I haven’t updated where we are now on our journey.

After we got the call that none of our fertilized eggs made it to Blast, we decided to regroup.

We could :
* jump right back into another retrieval
* OR we could take a few months off

After doing some research on certain supplements, addressing some adrenal issues and talking with quite a few of you about your protocols, we have decided to take a few months and try again in August.

I am going to be going ALL IN on the supplement game as well as adjusting my eating for 3 months. If I am going to give this one more try, I want to know that I gave it my all. I don’t want to regret not trying everything possible to get a better outcome from a retrieval.

I recognize that we are only in control of so much on this journey, but I want to be in control of what I can.

I CAN control the food I eat.
I CAN control the additional things I put in my body.
I CAN control my mindset.
I CAN choose to remain hopeful.
I CAN….. This is going to be my motto for the next few months.

While I know that I can’t change how many eggs I have or change the makeup of them, I CAN hopefully change how my body is going to react to the meds to stimulate growth!

I realize that it is going to be challenging, but like I said, I am an all out kind of girl!

What things did you do to prepare yourself for a retrieval after a non-successful one?

04/21/2021

Definitely not the news I was hoping for expecting to get today.

Not sure what this means for us next. I just know I’m not ready for this to be the end.

04/19/2021

Swipe to see for me….

If you think you don’t know anyone who struggled with infertility....think again.
Picture 8 couples you know. Then I want you to think about how powerful that statistic is. 1 In 8 struggle in a COMMON journey that is so SILENT.

I am working hard to help NORMALIZE the conversation. This week is and is helping to shine a light into what this journey looks like for people. Click on this to get an idea of what it looks like for different people.

Everyday is a struggle when you’re dealing with infertility, and no one should have to feel alone. Comment on their post. Share their stories.
Infertility looks like:

⭐️100’s of shots, supplements, acupuncture, chiropractor, RE visits
⭐️Changes in diet, exercise….anything to hopefully get my body the healthiest to hopefully be able to change to do what it’s created to do.
⭐️Every conversation being about money, calendar, scheduling, treatments, waiting
⭐️Answering a phone call from the clinic could be a breakdown or not answering could continue the anxiety spiral
⭐️Shock, anger, rage, depression, anxiety, excitement, jealousy, panic, doubt, shame, envy….
⭐️Guilt about having success through the process, but knowing that I will NEVER be able to do this on my own.

@ Gulf Breeze, Florida

04/16/2021

Update for the day.

2 out of our 4 eggs were mature and fertilized. Still holding out hope that these two are strong and will make it to Blastocyst!

Glad to be back home with the babes but still waiting anxiously (I mean patiently 🥴🤪)

The waiting games begin.

04/14/2021

🥚🥚🥚🥚
4 Eggs

Egg Retrieval is the procedure where doctors will extract fluid from mature follicles to retrieve the egg that may be inside.

The procedure itself was done within 20-30 min which I was put to sleep during the whole process.

After surgery, they let me know the amount of eggs that were collected. From there starts the waiting game to find out how many had fertilized and which ones make it to day 5 or 6(blastocyst).

My clinic will call us mid morning tomorrow to tell us how many were mature and had fertilized, then again 3 days after retrieval to give us an update, and again 5 days after egg retrieval.

I went in with 6 large follicles that were within the size that they wanted. So naturally I was hoping for at least that many. Needless to say, I felt a bit disappointed and upset when they told me 4.

Trying really hard not to entertain the “what if” thoughts or obsess over the “why” only 4. A sweet friend reminded me today that God doesn’t need numbers. He is the God who makes something out of nothing, who multiplies little into much, who loves you and is the author and creator of life. Tonight I am taking a deep breath and fully trusting in His plan.

04/02/2021

“Stims” refers to the phase of IVF where hormone injections are given daily for 8-14 days to stimulate your ovaries to produce lots of eggs. The goal is to develop as many eggs as possible so you have more opportunities for eggs & s***m to fertilize and then create embryos. The more embryos = the more opportunities for a baby.⁣

Only one of the injections at this point really sting, other than that, not too bad!

Here’s to day 1!!!

04/01/2021

Swipe to see the song that’s on repeat over here.......

Jesus Christ
King of all
Everything at Your name
Has to fall
Darkness runs
At the sound
Everything at Your name
Has to bow

Peace has overcome my heart
So worry never can
Hope has taken back that space
Disappointment had
I believe Your promises
Above my circumstance
Fear could never conquer me
'Cause You already have

All the way through the night
You've got armies of angels
Assigned to my life
I've got nothing to fear
I surrender the fight
To the one who is greater
Right here by my side
I've got nothing to fear
All the way through the night
You've got armies of angels
Assigned to my life
I've got nothing to fear
I surrender the fight
To the one who is greater
Right here by my side
I've got nothing to fear

Peace has overcome my heart
So worry never can
Hope has taken back that space
Disappointment had
I believe Your promises
Above my circumstance
Fear can never conquer me
'Cause You already have
Credit: Song and Lyrics by Kim Walker-Smith

@ Gulf Breeze, Florida

a_purdy_journey

08/27/2021

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05/06/2021

05/04/2021

04/21/2021

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