10/23/2025
As a therapist who often works with couples navigating emotional abuse, and as a survivor of a toxic marriage myself, this hits home both personally and professionally. Especially when it comes to how I view power dynamics in Female-Led Relationships (FLR) and how D/s dynamics can cross into marital life.
It is imperative to stop misogyny in its tracks when we see it, smell it, taste it, or feel it. That is enough.
Over time, my views on FLR and submission have evolved. True partnership means working with and for each other as a team. It means trusting that your partner will act in your best interest, their own best interest, and the relationship’s best interest, even when you do not fully understand what they are doing or why. That is trust.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. We are all perfectly flawed and still beautiful.
Analogy:
We all come with a ding, dent, or scratch, much like a refrigerator that has been through something. Sometimes it is a manufacturing defect, a genetic or developmental issue such as codependency, anxiety, or attachment wounds. Sometimes it is damage from mishandling or an old injury. Either way, the appliance still works. It simply bears the marks of its story.
You can choose to accept that refrigerator and appreciate its history, or you can choose to reject it and demand a perfect one that you paid for. Both choices are valid. No judgments here. Sometimes you even get a discount for that defect 😉
The key is knowing whether those flaws fall within your partner’s threshold of acceptance, and whether theirs fall within yours. Healthy love does not mean reshaping someone to meet your needs. It is about seeing and accepting who they already are.
As John Gottman reminds us, without we-ness, a relationship collapses under me-ness. When one partner is focused only on their own benefit, trust erodes. That is when the gaslighting starts, when you find yourself thinking, “Am I crazy? No one would believe me if I told them.”
Where the hell did this collar come from? And what really happened? When everything starts to feel like a mindf**k.
It is vital that both partners feel free to say “yes” and “no” safely and clearly. Narcissistic individuals often attract people pleasers. The narcissist demands constant attention, while the people pleaser tries to fix everything to prevent tantrums or chaos. In the process, they lose track of their own pain and exhaustion, chasing that brief “good boy” or “good girl” moment of approval that fuels the cycle.
Fairness, cooperation, collaboration, admiration, respect, trust, commitment, shared dreams, friendship, and equality are the ingredients of a successful relationship, marriage, partnership, or friendship.
This video hit home. Thank you.
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