10/02/2025
I've been making a lot of changes to our website over the past few weeks and wanted to share something I wrote. We celebrate all kinds of s*xual preferences at Andreya Jones Counseling, from vanilla to sprinkles to cherries on top. No matter what you're into, we welcome you!
Kink/B**M
One of the most fascinating and beautiful parts of human s*xuality is the many different forms of s*xual expression and play. When it comes to s*xual play, the sky is the limit. While most people have a relatively limited definition of what s*x is or could be, many people enjoy playing outside of the traditional s*xual box. Traditional s*x is typically referred to as vanilla s*x. Individuals who enjoy Kink and B**M enjoy adding sprinkles to their vanilla s*x.
So, what is Kink? Kink is s*xual play that includes "engaging in one, some, or all of multiple erotic and/or s*xual practices, including, but not limited to, bo***ge (B), discipline (D), dominance (D), submission (S), sa**sm (S), masochism (M), sensation play, power play, role play, and fetishism" (Kauppi, 2020). Kink encompasses a vast array of activities, from relatively typical and mild to extreme and unusual. Some individuals in the Kink community view Kink as part of their identity, while others simply enjoy engaging in Kinky play. For some individuals, Kink may be something they engage in now and then or only with certain partners, while to others, Kink may be a way of being.
Here are a few examples of kink:
-Restraint/Bondage
-Role Play
-Sensation Play
-Eroticizing objects, body parts, or fictional characters
-Power exchange, including roles such as dom/sub and ranging from occasional play to a 24/7 dynamic.
Despite what you may have heard, there is no evidence that Kinky people have more or less psychopathology than the rest of the population. This is the biggest misconception that most people encounter when it comes to Kink. There is no indication that Kinky individuals have past trauma, attachment wounds, or psychopathology. While the field of psychology used to believe that there was something inherently wrong or broken about people who desired to engage in intense forms of sensation play, dominance, submission, fetishism, or other kinks, research has shown that this is untrue.
We are all born with an erotic template, which is what naturally turns us on at the core of who we are. "An erotic template is the specific scenario or narrative that turns someone on the most and tends to run as a central theme in their fantasies" (Kauppi, 2020). While no one really knows how an erotic template is created, we do know that an erotic template is outside of our conscious control and that no erotic template is wrong or abnormal. While many people can add to their erotic template over time, it is rare that an erotic template could be removed or disappear. People in the Kink community follow a variety of guidelines to prioritize nonharmful play. Consent is the most important part of Kink because it decreases the likelihood of people experiencing harm. "Consent is an ongoing and ever-shifting process that requires self-awareness, self-assessment, other-awareness, and attunement, in an atmosphere of sincere mutual respect, achieved through verbal and nonverbal communication, with the clear intention of collaboration between partners for the mutual pleasure of everyone involved" (Kauppi, 2020). For something to be consensual, it must be freely given. When something is consensual, there cannot be any form of coercion, internal or external pressure, or pressure of any kind. Everyone involved in consensual play should feel certain that they or anyone else involved can and will say "no" if they want/need to, for any reason. It is imperative that anyone involved in consensual play actively make sure all parties can say "no" without experiencing any negative consequences. No matter how much planning goes into s*xual play, members of the Kink community know that there is no way to completely remove risk from Kinky play. Members of the Kink community have identified two acronyms that help them remember the importance of consent and limiting harm.
-RACK (risk-aware consensual Kink) was created to acknowledge that, while you can't completely remove risk from Kinky play, you can be aware of it and do your best to reduce it through the use of informed consent.
-PRICK (personal responsibility, informed consensual Kink) was developed to acknowledge that personal responsibility for one's choices and actions is paramount to ethical erotic expression.
We respect and honor all forms of consensual s*xual expression and play at Andreya Jones Counseling. We do not Kink shame, and we do not yuck anyone's yum.
