01/26/2026
When I was in 7th grade (names changed to protect the innocent), my buddy “Brad” had just dumped “Jennifer” and wanted to pursue “Angelina.” Naturally, for the average 7th grader back then, winning her a gold chain from the BB-machine gun shoot at the fair and giving it to her at school was the obvious move. (Y’all know. The one next to the Gravitron) After a bajillion flying BB’s, all our money, and resisting the urge to get the Def Leppard black mirror, our boy Brad was able to give Angelina a FLY gold rope chain. Ladies, you know where this is going…Angelina proceeded to wear Brad’s love offering and in two days, the skin of her neck was Incredible Hulk GREEN! Romance, over.
Why does this happen? Why did Junior High love have to end this way? First, let me say, you girls who have experienced this should be honored. You’re as gorgeous as Lady Liberty! More on that in a second…
No, ladies, you were not turning into the Hulk (no matter how mad you got). A simple chemical reaction called “oxidation” happened. And it occurs naturally in a few instances. Number one, the cunning and corrupt culprit is COPPER. You see, most precious metals are not pure. Most would be too soft to hold together, so they have to be mixed with another metal into an ALLOY. Copper is the easiest in most cases to use. Dr. Kirk Simple: Any gold less than 24 karat is gonna have a significant amount of copper. Copper, when exposed to oxygen/carbon dioxide/sulfur to name a few, naturally “oxidizes” and thin green layer of copper oxides/sulfides called a “patina” forms. This green film is harmless, so don’t worry. And usually easily cleaned in the shower or sometimes needing the acid of lemon juice, vinegar (Dr. Kirk Tip – ketchup! Try it. Works crazy well) or the burly base of baking soda.
As some of you recall, the Statue of Liberty is made of copper. Thirty-one tons of it from our fancy French friends, in fact. And guess what being out in the weather did to her over time? That gorgeous green!
“But Dr. Kirk, it happens to me with just about ALL jewelry! What’s wrong with me?” Relax, Angelina. One of three things is occurring: your Brad is buying cheap jewelry (the less copper content the less chance of green!), your environment is too warm and humid (which speeds up the oxidizing process), or your skin may be more oily than others. While this is not dangerous, it sadly makes you more prone to metals oxidizing faster against your skin. Your Dermatologist can sort you out. So, I guess, your options are fairly simple: dump Brad and find someone buying better jewelry, move to a dryer area, or learn tips from Derm on how to manage the beautiful oily skin God blessed you with. But one thing we can all agree on: we all know Brad was better off with Jennifer anyway, right?
Yours in Health and Christ, Dr. Kirk