10/07/2025
Ladies, gentlemen, officers of the law, and high school seniors โ itโs time we address the great battle currently sweeping our town: The Toilet Paper War of 2025.
We at McCormick Eye Care are turning a blind eye and remaining neutral because honestly, our professional diagnosis is that both sides are suffering from severe tactical vision impairment!
โข Seniors: Your aim is worse than your handwriting on a late history paper. If you're struggling to focus on a stationary target, it's time for an eye exam, not an alibi.
โข Officers: If you need a high-powered flashlight to spot a teenager armed with two-ply, perhaps it's time for an eye exam.
We are simply the humble keepers of the ammo. Thatโs right โ come on in and youโll find a fully stocked, non-government-funded, community-supported, 100% neutral box of toilet paper. Because in times of crisis, some provide peace treaties, and some provideโฆ Scott.