Be Heard Counseling

05/03/2022

"...personally and professionally, Gottman’s advice to 'find out your partner’s subjective reality and validate it' may be easier said than done," writes Nicole Schiener (Peace and Possibility). "Accepting influence takes hard work. Still, as we prepare to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary, we would definitely say it’s worth it."

Read more about accepting influence: https://bit.ly/3KyTfQc

03/17/2022

Sharing fondness and admiration in intentional ways is the antidote to contempt and it increases the amount of affection in a relationship.

03/16/2022

Why does contempt in a relationship predict divorce so strongly? It's impossible to build connection when your relationship is deprived of respect. Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about one’s partner, and it arises in the form of an attack on someone’s sense of self.

Please note: this post is not meant to address situations of abuse. For immediate support, please contact thehotline.org.

03/02/2022

Very important statements to share with your partner.

It's World Compliment Day, which means it's a perfect excuse to give your partner an extra compliment or two. Doing so can help fill your Emotional Bank Account and make someone's day! Try these templates as places to start.

We'd also love to hear from you. What compliment made your day?

02/10/2022

Pride gets in the way of many needed repairs to relationships. It stops a person from taking responsibility for pain they have caused the other person. Being too proud to admit your mistakes is related to your guilt and shame about what you have done or an incident that has occurred. I promote the prideful people taking the chance that the offended against person cares enough about them to understand that the steps the prideful person is taking is very hard for them and that the offended person will accept the effort for the repair.

01/24/2022

I would guess that 90% of the couples I see have this statement as issues that need to be addressed. All the points are important however I see people today as showing more signs of selfishness and forgetting they are in a relationship so their needs are not always the most important and the couple needs should be put up front more than they seem to be.

When you feel heard and appreciated by your partner, you’re much more likely to repair during moments of conflict and work towards compromise.

On the Gottman Relationship Blog, Sinead Smyth, LMFT offers tips to help you navigate conflict with your loved one: https://bit.ly/3AuAgCP

Please note: this post is not meant to address situations of abuse or violence.

01/19/2022

Saying your are sorry and acknowledging you have hurt someone is very very hard. It must be done however if you are to move forward with the repair of the relationship. If one or both members of the couple can not admit they have hurt the other, intentionally or unintentionally, the walls never come down.Only once the sorry is spoken can communication begin.

01/19/2022

"Expressions of appreciation should outweigh complaints in healthy relationships.

If complaints override appreciation and positive feedback, the relationship will likely feel more negative than positive over time.

Try to offer 5 positives for every 1 negative, which is based on The Gottman Institute's 5:1 magic ratio.

Please note, this post is not referring to situations of abuse or domestic violence."

Illustration and words by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

01/12/2022

The next time you get frustrated about your partner not doing something you wanted them to, ask yourself, “Did I verbally ask them to do this?” And if you did, how did you say it?

There are many different ways to ask for what you want — and some work better than others. Hear why on Small Things Often: http://bit.ly/SmallThingsOften

12/10/2021

"A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. In other words, if you’re hoping to improve your physical relationship, you need to first work on your emotional connection. Focus on meeting your partner’s needs and communicating your own needs in a loving, respectful way." - Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW

What's your favorite way to keep your romantic spark lit? Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, increasing physical affection and emotional attunement can help you sustain a deep bond with your partner.

Discover ten ways to spark passion with your partner on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3pHkcse

11/30/2021

Let your partner know your relationship is a priority by showing them with your actions, instead of just telling them with words. Hear ideas for building loyalty and trust on this episode of Small Things Often: http://bit.ly/SmallThingsOften

11/24/2021

Do you accept influence in your relationship?

Accepting influence might look like:
-Replacing "Yes, Dear" with "I hear you"
-Being open to the ideas and opinions of your partner
-Acknowledging that your partner has a valid point of view
-Simply saying, “You are important, and your opinions matter to me even if I don’t agree with you”

Accepting influence is not:
-Complying or going along with your partner in everything
-Forgoing your own opinions, wants, and beliefs in favor of your partner’s
-Agreeing with everything your partner says: “Yes, dear, everything is okay” or “Whatever you want”

Discover research-based exercises to help you and your partner feel seen and heard by starting the Gottman Relationship Coach today: https://bit.ly/3ci5PUO