01/09/2026
O’HARA and the Language of Leaning
What My Dog Teaches Us About Safety, Presence, and Co-Regulation
If you’ve ever sat on the couch in my office, you may have noticed something quiet and subtle happen.
O’HARA doesn’t rush you.
She doesn’t jump into laps or demand attention.
Instead, she sometimes places her front paws on the arm or back of the couch, gently leans her chest or shoulder into a person, presses just enough to be felt—and wags her tail softly.
Then, often, she sighs.
And something shifts.
This behavior isn’t accidental. And it isn’t just affection.
It’s communication.
The Language of Leaning
Dogs speak through bodies, not words.
Leaning—especially slow, intentional leaning—is one of the clearest signals of safety and connection in canine communication.
When O’HARA leans, she is not asking for comfort.
She is offering it.
The gentle pressure of her body functions much like a weighted blanket or a steady hand on the shoulder. It helps regulate the nervous system by signaling: you are not alone, and nothing is being asked of you right now.
This is known as co-regulation—when one calm nervous system helps another settle.
Why the Couch Arm?
People often ask why she chooses such a specific position.
The arm or back of the couch allows O’HARA to:
• Stay slightly elevated without being intrusive
• Offer steady pressure while maintaining her own balance
• Remain aware of the room while staying connected
• Withdraw easily if needed
It’s a position of respectful closeness.
Not overwhelming. Not distant. Just right.
This matters—especially in a therapeutic space.
With Me vs. With Clients
At home, when O’HARA leans into me, it’s attachment.
It’s love.
It’s “you are my person.”
In the office, the meaning shifts.
With clients, her leaning becomes attunement.
She is responding not to who someone is, but to how their nervous system is behaving in that moment. People who are holding a lot inside—grief, anxiety, trauma, exhaustion—often receive this quiet check-in from her. Others she may ignore completely.
That selectivity is important. It tells us she is reading states, not seeking attention.
Deep Pressure, Naturally Given
Many therapy dogs are trained to provide deep pressure support.
O’HARA does this instinctively.
The pressure is never forceful. It’s measured. Brief. Grounding.
She offers it, then waits. If it’s welcomed, she may stay. If not, she steps away without offense.
This balance—initiative without insistence—is rare. And deeply therapeutic.
Why This Matters in Trauma-Informed Work
In trauma-informed therapy, safety is not created through words alone.
It’s created through experience.
O’HARA’s presence:
• Supports emotional regulation
• Helps clients stay embodied during difficult moments
• Offers nonverbal reassurance without requiring disclosure
• Reinforces that rest and softness are allowed
She does not interrupt the work.
She supports it.
A Note on Boundaries and Consent
In our work together, O’HARA is never forced to engage, and clients are never required to interact with her. Her role is invitational, not prescriptive.
Her ability to initiate and disengage freely is part of what makes her presence ethical, effective, and safe.
What O’HARA Is Really Saying
When she leans into someone on the couch, tail gently wagging, body relaxed, breath steady, she is offering a simple message:
You don’t have to hold yourself together right now.
I can sit with you while your body remembers how to settle.
That kind of presence can’t be taught.
It’s felt.
And I’m honored every day to witness it.
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If you’re curious about canine-assisted therapy, nervous system regulation, or how animals can support emotional healing, I’d love to talk with you more—whether O’HARA chooses to lean in or simply rests nearby, holding the space in her own quiet way. Call today for a free consultation 908-516-3285.
www.SusanMartinez.net
