04/09/2026
The “Why” Behind the “Never List”:
If you’re wondering why these common practices didn’t make the cut, it’s because my clinical philosophy is built on connection over compliance. Here is the breakdown:
1. Withholding preferred items
Communication should be a tool for connection, not a “pay-to-play” system. When we “ransom” a favorite toy or snack to force a word out of a child, we risk turning communication into a high-stress power struggle. I want children to communicate because they have something to share, not because they’re being deprived of what they love.
2. Forcing eye contact
Did you know that for many neurodivergent individuals, eye contact can be overstimulating or even physically uncomfortable? I’d never demand a child “look at me” to prove they are listening. If they are regulated and comfortable- even if they’re looking at the ceiling or their hands- they are in a much better headspace to process language.
3. Using “functional” and “play” in the same sentence
Play is the work of childhood, and it doesn’t need to have a “utility” to be valuable. When we label play as “functional,” we’re often just saying “the way an adult thinks you should play.” Whether it’s lining up dinosaurs or spinning a wheel for ten minutes, if the child is engaged and regulated, it’s meaningful. There is no “wrong” way to play!
Authentic communication happens when children feel safe, seen, and respected for exactly who they are. ❤️
What’s one thing you’ve changed in your own approach to therapy or parenting? Let’s talk about it in the comments!
