The funnys

08/19/2025

07/31/2025

An old, blind Marine accidentally stumbles into an all-girl biker bar, completely unaware of his surroundings. After feeling his way to the bar, he takes a seat and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

As he settles in, he suddenly yells out, "Hey, anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The room goes dead silent.

From beside him, a deep, authoritative voice calmly responds, "Before you go any further, I think you should know a few things."

The voice continues:
1. "The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat."
2. "The bouncer is also a blonde woman."
3. "I'm a blonde, 6-foot-tall, 175-pound black belt in karate."
4. "The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weightlifter."
5. "And the lady on your other side is a blonde professional wrestler."

The room stays silent as the Marine pauses to process what he just heard.

After a moment, he chuckles softly and says, "You know what? Forget it. I don't feel like explaining the joke five times."

06/06/2024

A Guy Takes His Girlfriend To Her First Football Game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
😂🤣😂

03/21/2022

The State of Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife sends a letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs.

The property owners' response in the second letter is EPIC.

Letter from Washington Dept. Of Fish & Wildlife:

Dear Landowner:
WDFWR Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.

Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.

Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not.

If you have any concerns about this project please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.

Sincerely

Steve Niemela

Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist

***************************** ******************************
****************************** *****************************

RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS:

Dear Mr. Niemela:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.

We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the "Frog Survey License" ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a "Frog Habitat" parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle).

You will also need an "Invasive Species" stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add'l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for Non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.

If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your "Creek Habitat" stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident).

Survey units open between 8 am. And 3 PM. But you cannot commence survey until 9 am. And must cease all survey activity by 1 PM.

Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2" diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18 in handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6' from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wooden handles.

After 1 PM. You can use a net with a 3" diameter if you purchase the "Frog Net Endorsement" ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident).

Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.

As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our "Premium Survey" units and application is again only $8.00 per application.

However, all fees can be waived if you can verify "Native Indian Tribal rights and status".

You will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of "Frog Surveys" and your "Comprehensive Course on Frog Identification, Safe Handling Practices, and Self-Defense Strategies for Frog Attacks."

This course is offered on-line through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.

Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.

Sincerely,

Larry & Amanda Anderson.

10/26/2021

A Doberman, a Poodle and an Afghan Hound died and are standing in front of God at the entrance to the kingdom of heaven
God asks them all three, what they believe in?
The Doberman says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my owner."
"Good," says God, "take a seat on my right side." ,
"Poodle, what do you believe in?" Asked God.
The Poodle answers: "I believe in love and care from my owner as well as peace in the world."
"Ah," God said, "You can take a seat to my left side."
Then he looked at The Afghan: "And what do you believe in?"
The Afghan stood there, looked at him and answered :
"I do believe you're sitting in my seat!"

08/12/2021

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving!!

He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

06/24/2021

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:

Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Trooper: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Trooper:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Trooper:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Trooper:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me: "So... counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Trooper:"A pr******te of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

03/12/2021

An elderly man living alone in London wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

~Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad x

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

~Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning. Detectives, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

~Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

03/11/2021

Click the picture to read.

03/11/2021

Clifford and Daisy May were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. Clifford would shout, "When I die, I'll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life ol' woman!!"

Neighbors feared him. Old Clifford liked the fact that he was feared.
He died at the ripe old age of 98.

After the burial, Daisy May's neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

She replied, "LET HIM DIG. I HAD HIM BURIED UPSIDE DOWN...AND I KNOW HE WON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS."