03/23/2023
Here’s the thing.
I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. None of us would. Do you know that?
You’re so grateful - and I suppose rightly so. You just had a baby - and yes, I helped you do it a little bit.
But you know what?
I dreamt about this job when I was a student, picturing you and your babies when I should have been studying care plans and fetal heart rates.
I take you home with me, replaying the things we did together, the ways I could have served you better, the joy that I got to see in your face.
I don’t mind, the blood, the smells, the dirty linens. It’s part of the job of course, but even more so, it’s the only way we can get these babies here.
I cry over you in the shower, wondering if I could have done something different, if I conveyed how much I cared for you in your loss.
Don’t you see it? I know you’re grateful for everything I did for you. But did you know that I am grateful for everything you did for me?
You let me see the good, the bad, the ugly. The desperate, the broken, and the empty. You let me teach you how to breastfeed, to swaddle, to change that first tiny diaper. You let my hands be the first to cradle your baby’s head. You let my eyes be the first to catch a glimpse of that face. And you let my hand be the first to hold yours when the tears wouldn’t stop.
You invite me into your biggest days. You give me access, authority, and privilege in your most precious moments. You show me the power of unconditional love. You show me women can do it.
You show me I can do it.
All of us - we’re at this bedside because we want to be. Because we love you, your babies, your families. Because you’ve changed our lives.
So be grateful - absolutely. That gratitude feels so good. But know too, that right here, in these spaces, we couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
xoxo,
your midwife
