Dialectical Behavior Therapies Center

11/08/2025

Striking a balance between doing it all yourself and leaning on others is key to mental wellbeing. Independence empowers you to make decisions, pursue personal interests and take responsibility for your emotions. But trying to do life all on your own doesn't work very well.

Too much independence can lead to emotional distance, loneliness and perhaps resentment at the heavy load you carry.

However, too much dependence can erode your identity and create codependency. You may lose your sense of who you are and feel controlled. That can build resentment too.

Balance: A healthy relationship integrates individuality with collaboration—what relationship experts call interdependence. What your healthy interdependence looks like only you can know. It will be influenced by your culture and your values.

This dynamic recognizes that both partners/friends can thrive as a “we” while preserving personal identity.

How to cultivate balance:
Maintain your identity: Pursue your interests, own your opinions, and set personal goals outside of your relationships to the extent that works for you.
Ask for and offer support: If you tend to be hyper‑independent, practice asking for help or delegating tasks; trusting others broadens your perspective.

Take responsibility for yourself: If you lean on others too much, build self‑trust by making decisions, expanding your social circle and practicing self‑care

Communicate and set boundaries: Discuss your needs openly; healthy boundaries prevent suffocation and ensure both feel respected

Embrace interdependence: Celebrate mutual support, shared decisions and vulnerability while retaining your uniqueness--however that works best for you

Which way do you lean? Are you in balance for your own needs?
Journal prompts:
“When do I feel empowered by my independence? When does it feel lonely?”
“How does leaning on someone else support my growth? When might it hold me back?”
“What boundaries help me honour my needs while staying connected?”

Balance isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about integrating independence and interdependence so you can stand on your own and lean in when needed.

11/03/2025

e all oscillate between trusting our abilities and questioning them. Both experiences have value: self‑belief fuels confidence and motivation, while self‑doubt—in moderation—keeps us humble, curious and open to growth. The goal is to find a healthy middle ground.

Why both matter:
Self‑belief: People who believe in themselves tend to develop deeper interest in their activities and are able to have a stronger commitment to their goals. They recover quickly from setbacks and view challenges as opportunities. Believing you can succeed affects how you think, behave and feel.

Self doubt leads to avoiding challenges, focusing on failures, giving up and losing confidence

Healthy self‑doubt. While too much can paralyze you, none at all can lead to overconfidence, arrogance and a closed mind to feedback and the ideas of others.

Mild to moderate doubt motivates you to broaden your knowledge and inspires curiosity. Healthy questioning of yourself can enhance self‑insight, humility, empathy and resilience

How to cultivate balance:
Celebrate wins: Acknowledge your successes to strengthen your self‑efficacy.

Positive self‑talk: Encourage yourself and seek supportive, helpful feedback
Reframe doubt: When doubts arise, treat them as an invitation to learn rather than a stop sign. Ask what new skill or knowledge would help.

Take action anyway: Don't let uncertainty stop you. Small steps build courage and resilience and learning.
Stay humble: Use self‑doubt to remain open to other perspectives, learning and growth

Journal prompts:
“When has believing in myself led to growth?”
“How has self‑doubt encouraged me to learn or refine my skills?”
“What supportive message can I tell myself the next time I feel unsure?”

10/27/2025

he balance between speaking your truth and honoring others' feelings is one of life's most delicate balancing acts.

Honesty builds trust and authentic connections. When you speak truthfully, you honor your own values and allow others to know the real you. Honest shows respect—assuming others can handle reality rather than needing to be protected from it. Not speaking your truth can build resentment. However, brutal honesty without consideration can damage relationships and hurt people unnecessarily.

Kindness acknowledges that words have impact. Considering how your message will land shows caring for others' wellbeing. Truth with gentleness helps people actually hear what you're saying instead of becoming defensive.

When honesty and kindness are out of balance, communication breaks down. Pure honesty without kindness becomes cruelty disguised as "just being real." Pure kindness without honesty becomes people-pleasing and inauthenticity. True balance means speaking truth in a way that respects both your integrity and the other person's humanity.

1. Check Your Intention. Ask yourself: "Am I saying this to help or to hurt?

2. Focus on Impact, Not Just Intent. Be honest about your perspective while acknowledging how your words affect others. Try: "I want to be honest about something, and I want you to know that I value you."

4. Use "and" statements to hold express both and kindness. "This is hard to say AND it's important we talk about it."

Journal Prompts
When have I been honest in a way that hurt someone unnecessarily? How could I have been kinder and still truthful?

When have I been "too kind" by avoiding honesty? What did I fear would happen if I spoke up? What happened as a result?

Balancing honesty and kindness isn't about choosing one over the other—it's about weaving them together. Speak your truth with care. Remember that the goal isn't just to be heard, but to be understood and maintain connection.

10/27/2025

When we talk about what hurts with a trusted, safe person, we begin to heal. So many people stay silent out of fear — fear of being judged, dismissed, or “too much.” But naming what we feel doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. Experiencing our emotions allows us to move forward.

Emotions are information, not problems to be solved. It's feedback to you on what's important to you, and perhaps what's missing in your life. Can you listen to your emotions? What is it they are trying to tell you?

You don’t have to hide what’s human about you — your vulnerability is the starting place for real change.

Learn more: www.houstondbtcenter.com

10/14/2025

10/09/2025

SandTrayTherapy

10/02/2025

dbtcenterofhouston
“Just calm down” often backfires (understatement) when someone is in distress. In fact it often adds to the person's distress no matter how well meaning the person who says it.

Here are the key reasons why this statement backfires
:
1. Invalidates Their Experience
Saying “calm down” communicates (intentionally or not) that their feelings are wrong, too big, or inappropriate. Instead of feeling understood, the person may feel dismissed, which can intensify their upset. Imagine someone telling you you shouldn't feel so upset about something that is hugely painful to you.

2. Triggers Defensiveness
When someone is emotionally activated, being told how to feel often sparks resistance. It can come across as controlling or patronizing, leading them to argue or escalate rather than de-escalate.

3. Oversimplifies the Problem
Strong emotions are usually tied to real needs, fears, or stressors. Saying “calm down” implies the solution is as simple as flipping a switch, which ignores the complexity of what they’re experiencing.

4. Creates Shame
The message can be internalized as: “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Shame about having feelings makes it harder to process emotions, prolongs the distress, and can even damage the relationship.

5. Misses the Opportunity for Connection
Instead of helping someone feel supported, it cuts off dialogue. What most people need in that moment is validation (“I can see this is really hard for you”) and co-regulation (staying present with them so their nervous system can settle).

Some Alternatives:
“I can see how upset you are. I’m here.”
“This seems really overwhelming — do you want to talk it through or take a breather?”
“Your feelings make sense. Let’s figure out what might help right now.”

Often though the best alternative is to just be present and let the person express their emotions until they are ready to talk. Trying to "fix it" too soon usually doesn't work.

Have you ever been in this position? Is there someone in your life who often reacts this way when you are upset? What really works for you? Maybe sharing this with people who love you and say this to you when you are in emotion mind will help them understand.

09/29/2025

Our lives thrive on a mix of planning and play. Responsibility brings structure and reliability; spontaneity infuses joy and creativity. When balanced, these qualities lead to a fulfilling life where duties don’t feel like drudgery, and fun doesn’t derail your goals. Each of you has your own ideal balance of both.

Why both matter:
• Responsibility: Meeting commitments—at work, in relationships, or with yourself—builds trust, stability and self‑respect.

• Spontaneity: Allowing yourself to act in the moment revitalizes your spirit and keeps you open to unexpected opportunities.

Together, they encourage healthy discipline while leaving room for wonder and delight.

Do you lean toward one side or the other? Too much responsibility can make the days feel like boring burdens and lead to burn out. Too much spontaneity may result in stress of not paying attention to goals and needs.

How to cultivate balance:
Create flexible plans: Set priorities for the week but leave blocks of unscheduled time. Use these for rest or impromptu adventures.

Honor commitments, adjust expectations: Fulfill essential responsibilities and communicate when you need to renegotiate. This lets you say “yes” to spontaneous opportunities without abandoning obligations.

Practice mindful spontaneity: Before jumping into something unplanned, take a breath. Check in—will this enrich my day or cause unnecessary stress?

Journal prompts to explore spontaneity and responsibility:
“When was the last time I acted spontaneously? How did it make me feel?”
“Which responsibilities give my life meaning? Which ones feel heavy, and how might I lighten them?”
“How can I design my week to include both planned tasks and space for the unexpected?”
Embracing both spontaneity and responsibility allows your days to feel purposeful and alive.

Call to action: This week, identify one key responsibility to honor and one spontaneous activity to embrace—whether it’s an unplanned coffee with a friend or a last‑minute dance party in your living room. Find your own balance, perfect for you and not based on fear.

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09/22/2025

09/22/2025

Accountability fosters growth and healthy relationships. Only by owning what is your responsibility can you grow and change your life. Regardless of what's happened, you may have to deal with it and accept its up to you to move forward. Blame doesn't work.

But trying to shoulder everyone’s burdens can lead to burnout. Taking responsibility means owning your choices and behavior; allowing others to take responsibility means trusting people to handle their own actions and consequences. Balancing both protects your energy and empowers those around you.

Why both matter:
• Personal responsibility: Owning mistakes and commitments strengthens integrity and self‑trust. It helps you learn and evolve.

• Letting others be responsible: Resisting the urge to fix or rescue others respects their autonomy and reduces your stress. It teaches them resilience and accountability.

• Together, they create healthier boundaries and foster mutual respect.

How to cultivate balance:
Know what’s yours: Reflect on situations where you genuinely need to step up (your work, your words, your emotions).

Practice saying “I trust you”: Encourage colleagues, friends or family members to manage their own responsibilities.

Offer support without taking over.

Set clear boundaries: It’s okay to help but avoid taking accountability for someone else’s choices. Communicate your limits kindly but firmly.

Journal prompts to explore responsibility:
“Where do I naturally take on more than I should? How does this affect my wellbeing?”
“How do I feel when someone takes responsibility for their actions? When I let go of tasks that aren’t mine to handle?”
“What’s one area of my life where I can practice trusting others to handle their responsibilities?”
Healthy relationships and personal growth flourish when everyone owns their part.

Call to action: This week, identify one task or emotional burden you’re carrying that actually belongs to someone else. Mindfully step back and allow that person to take the lead.

Share your experience—or a lesson about taking responsibility—with to inspire others.
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09/19/2025

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-of-mind/202509/building-a-healthy-relationship-with-food

Life after an eating disorder isn't just about food; it's also about finding freedom, balance, and peace with food. Discover some mindful steps and journaling prompts to help you.