Marriage Minute

Marriage Minute Providing encouragement for couples; strengthening the core of marriages and stimulating growth. Strengthening the core of Marriages. Your pick. We are all human.
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Promoting Growth and Blossoming. Our Community Story

You are welcome to our community. We are an open, learning, and growing community with the intent of strengthening the core of marriages and stimulating their growth. We do this in an environment of respect for one another. This community is not a place to show off or gain popularity. The spirit of the house is a heart seeking to be blessed and be a blessing. None of us knows it all, or will ever know it all. We are all ever learning and growing, seeking to qualify, and standing to count. Started this page on September 14, 2014, and it has grown at an approximate rate of 30,000 likes/followers per year from inception to 2017. Not that growth is our primary focus, we are proud to be relevant and be a difference to a great many. If there is any topic on your mind, there is the likelihood we already treated it. You will find a wealth of materials here. Feel free to scroll through. Feel free to comment and join in the discussions. Some of the materials here are also being available on my blog,
https://www.uncleakin.com/search/label/Relationship
It might be easier to search for topics there than on Facebook. A blog search button is in the top right corner. Facebook also has a search button, if you know how to maneuver around it. We are here to serve in any and every way we can in achieving our above-stated objective. If it is a topic we have not treated or can find and is vital to you, let us know. And, we will work to close the gap. Even though you can always send me a personal message via my blog, the best place for individual and private counseling remains the chat room on this page. Feel free to come chat, if there is an issue you’ll instead want to address in a private, one-on-one environment. You can enter the chat room using the message icon on the page (top right-hand corner, I believe). Facebook secures the chat room. What happens in the chat room stays in the chat room except you want otherwise, or there is a criminal intent involved. The community is yours for as long as you see yourself as a member. Where is communion without the people that make it up? My place is facilitation and moderation. Having been married for more than 22 years and been counseling for close to thirty (30) years, I believe I have quite a bit to share. However, what I get to share or not is not a function of what I know or not. It is a function of what you want. You are the driving force of this community. I can only be in sync with where you are and try to take you to where we want to go. Don’t forget it is a dance. And, there is no dance without harmony; without synchronization of the different moves. Yes, some things are unchangeable. These include the sanctity of our communion, our vision, our values, and our beliefs. Every other thing is flexible. Never forget it is a dance. Let us make it a good dance. So, as members, you make this community what it is and has been. Its power and strength are in the participation and openness of everyone. What I have noticed is as we grew numerically, the open discussions and engagement have gone down, almost to no existence. A none participatory attitude does not have to be so. Or, is there something I am not doing right? Please, feel free to let me know. We can only get the best from this community by asking questions. You need to squeeze every juice out of me if only it will make your life and marriage better. There is a spiritual principle that limits me from being able to bless you otherwise. So, please help me. We don’t just want to carry a name. We want to do the work. The number is excellent and makes me proud and a thing to boast about, but that is not our reason for existence. Changed and impacted lives are our lifeblood, and bread and butter. That is the ONLY REASON WHY we are. IT IS OUR “WHY.” So, please connect and let us hand in hand, grow together. Yes, I did mention we grew at the rate of 30,000 per year from inception till 2017. So, what has happened since 2017? One, life happened to me. So, I was pretty much off the community, in a genuinely productive capacity, from 2018 till 2020. Life happens to us all. I guess with all I had written earlier, some probably think me a spirit. Yes, you are not far from the truth, either. We are all spirits having a human experience. We thereby also are fallible, at least, for the time of this experience. Life does not happen to keep us down. Life happens to re-fire us. How far back you pull the string of the bow is dependent on the arrow travel you want. Life happens to sharpen our focus. Life happens to shake away the things that can be shaken, and establish the things that cannot shake. And, if it does not kill us, it only makes us stronger. So, welcome to the second half of our journey of life. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, it is going to be great. So, let us join hands in hands and do life together. Let us do marriage together. Let us do relationships together. Here is a toast to your better self, our better people, a better, growing, vibrant, life-giving, and changing community.

“It takes a community to sustain a marriage.” (Dr. Juli Slattery) May we be to you that community that makes a difference in your marriage. May we help define what normal is to you. May we provide accountability for you, a pricking of the conscience, and a pointer to what is true, right, and equitable. May we provide for you encouragement on your pilgrimage. So, help us, God.

“…No one ever told her it was okay to make mistakes. No one told her there was nothing wrong with needing help. No one t...
03/29/2026

“…No one ever told her it was okay to make mistakes. No one told her there was nothing wrong with needing help. No one told her it was normal to feel upset, or angry, or overwhelmed now and then. Everyone in her life took her perfectionism for granted and didn’t realize how suffocating it was. And because no one gave the young woman permission to be human, she thought she was a failure for being one.” ― Chris Colfer, Worlds Collide.

"Self-acceptance is recognizing that “who I am is okay.” Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the co...
03/29/2026

"Self-acceptance is recognizing that “who I am is okay.” Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect." ― Roger K. Allen.

“Your soul is your paintbrush, your world is your canvass, your life is your masterpiece.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo. So, pain...
03/29/2026

“Your soul is your paintbrush, your world is your canvass, your life is your masterpiece.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo. So, paint. Paint everyday the masterpiece that only you can. Bring to fruition the picture of the world that you see. The world is waiting.

“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect, it makes you feel inadequate.” ― Maria Shriver. It makes you subservient t...
03/29/2026

“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect, it makes you feel inadequate.” ― Maria Shriver. It makes you subservient to everyone else, as you try to please them, rather than being faithful to your purpose and goals. You measure yourself by people's opinions, rather than self-fulfillment. You are ver chasing and never attaining or catching. It is a tiring, exhausting, and burnout proposition, chasing the approval of others.

Feeling like yourself around your partner is key! If you feel like you're shrinking who you are to keep harmony, it may ...
03/28/2026

Feeling like yourself around your partner is key!

If you feel like you're shrinking who you are to keep harmony, it may be a sign they're not the one. Love should sharpen your identity, not dull it.

• You shouldn't have to adjust your personality
• Your voice shouldn't be silenced
• Friction is normal, but it should happen in a safe space

Don't settle for less than someone who makes you come alive!

Is your relationship helping or hindering your growth?

Signs He or She is not the One - Part One: You Feel Less Like Yourself Around Them.If you cannot come alive around the p...
03/28/2026

Signs He or She is not the One - Part One: You Feel Less Like Yourself Around Them.

If you cannot come alive around the person, then he or she is not the one. As plato says, "love is the joining of two halves." This is a romantic, enduring metaphor for companionship, soulmates, and finding completeness in another person.

This is not to weight against the need for wholeness before union with another person. For a healthy union is between two whole persons, not halves in maturity. Its just speaks to the miracle of synergy that occurs when two produce that multiplying effect of locking into one another.

Ancient wisdom describes this as two (2) having the effect of winning against Ten Thousand as compared to one only able to win against a thousand. It is the meeting together of two sane and whole minds to produce a master mind effect.

So, if the person you want to marry does not produce this in you, it's time to run. It is not about what the person has, but the trajectory of the person, yourself, and the relationship.

Remember, everything is in a state of flux - change. What is, is not what will be. The question is, will it be worse or better?
If he or she is the one, then you will not need to shrink your voice, or soften your opinion, or adjust your personality to keep harmony. Love should sharpen your identity, not slowly sand it down to avoid friction. That is not to say there will be no friction, but it will be in a safe place.

Watch before you leap. There is more to marriage than s*x.

"Vulnerability always begets connection and intimacy. Stay vulnerable with each other." ― Kristen Bell. How vulnerable y...
03/28/2026

"Vulnerability always begets connection and intimacy. Stay vulnerable with each other." ― Kristen Bell.

How vulnerable you are is the extent of the intimacy you desire. You cannot be emotionally intimate with someone you are not vulnerable with.

I guess that was the missing link in a relationship I was trying to build years passed. She blamed me for not talking. Yes, that was true to some extent. I was a shy and inexpereinced suitor. But I had my moments, but could not fully exploit them because she was not vulnerable.

It was an impervious wall that shouted, "This and no further." Not that it was necessarily intentional. She had her own demons, she was struggling with. We did not tie the knot, but we gained the experience of how to do it better.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung. Irritations with ...
03/26/2026

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung. Irritations with others are mirrors of our own unresolved issues, insecurities, or disowned traits. By analyzing these emotional triggers rather than just reacting, we gain profound self-awareness and opportunities for personal growth. This process is known as understanding our internal projections.

When you focus on self-reflection and personal growth (looking into the mirror to fix yourself first), your presence bri...
03/26/2026

When you focus on self-reflection and personal growth (looking into the mirror to fix yourself first), your presence brings about change without the need for forced communication. It creates a "boomerang effect" where your positive behavior causes others to change their own actions, reflecting your attitude back to you.

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part yourself. What isn’t part ourselves doesn’t disturb us." ―...
03/26/2026

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part yourself. What isn’t part ourselves doesn’t disturb us." ― Hermann Hesse. Being irritated by someone else can be used as an opportunity to closely examine our reaction; to see what it reveals about our shadow, and ultimately, ourselves. What is it about us that is making us hate or feel irritated? That is the door way to self-discovery and mastery.

What irritates us in others often reveals our own insecurities, fears, or unacknowledged behaviors. Instead of focusing ...
03/26/2026

What irritates us in others often reveals our own insecurities, fears, or unacknowledged behaviors. Instead of focusing on changing the other person, we need to shift the focus inward to identify what the irritation is trying to teach us about ourselves, and address it. This is the path of self mastery.

Take control of the program running your life through awareness and self-discovery. Know who and what is in your head. O...
03/25/2026

Take control of the program running your life through awareness and self-discovery. Know who and what is in your head. Own the mic over your life, so you can direct it where you want it to go.

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