05/24/2025
Unwanted new life
Grief often differs from its portrayal in TV shows, movies, and books.
Death is a common element in various plots, from soap operas to comedies. These stories often depict families in black, grieving at a funeral, followed by a character's reflective walk on a beach. In the next scene, they seem to move on, starting a new chapter.
However, real grief is not like this.
If you haven’t experienced a significant loss, these media portrayals might be your only reference, which can make the grieving process seem overwhelming.
Unlike the movies, life doesn't pause after the funeral. You're left to navigate your "new normal," still in shock and expecting your loved one to return. There's little time to process before returning to work or school, where others might expect you to be "over it" already, possibly influenced by those same unrealistic movie scenes.
The world feels different and darker, even in daylight.
Forget the perfect appearances seen on Netflix. Showers become a place for tears, homes become disorganized, and even getting out of bed feels exhausting. Daily routines seem pointless, and you might find milk in the wrong places.
Re-entering the world feels daunting. Pretending to be okay and engaging in small talk feels draining because these things seem unimportant now.
Isolation becomes appealing. Real life is overwhelming enough.
Sleep patterns are disrupted, and your digestive system suffers. You might find yourself constantly searching online, asking, "Is this normal?"
It is.
You're navigating an unfamiliar, dark world, unsure of your identity. You might feel connected to the pain because grief is love seeking an outlet. You might feel guilty about moving on, afraid of the past, and anxious about the future, making the present unbearable. You ruminate, feeling disoriented and detached from a world where others continue with their lives, seemingly unaffected. You might want to scream, "Don't you know what happened?" How can they laugh, plan, and live?
If this resonates with you, know that you're normal. Hollywood only captures a fraction of reality. Avoid comparisons. Grief is a daily process, not a brief episode. There are no previews, and healing takes time. You will eventually develop a new storyline. Grief builds character, and plot twists will arise. There's no script to follow, so trust your intuition, be patient, and adapt to the changes. Build your life around your grief. Sometimes, the pain will feel all-encompassing; other times, it will bubble to the surface. Only you truly understand this loss, so be gentle with yourself.
Let go of comparisons. Your story is unique, and your character is growing, even when it doesn't feel like it. Someday, you'll share your story and realize how much growth and healing have occurred, even when you doubted you'd get through the pain.
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