Mark Beck, LMHC, LPC

11/12/2025

Everyone Wants to Matter

I met a young man recently who impressed me deeply. He was in my home doing some repair work. He was a capable, courteous and likable fellow and probably would be successful at about anything he undertook. As he worked and we talked, he mentioned having been in Afghanistan.
“You’re a veteran?” I asked.
“Yes, two tours,” he replied.
He seemed to have come home intact, free from the invisible scars of war that so many combat veterans carry.
I asked him, “Do you miss it?”
I expected him to say how glad he was to be away from the killing and chaos of combat; but he surprised me.
“Yes, I miss it,” he said emphatically. “I miss it everyday.”
“Why,” I asked, “would you miss the bombs and the bullets and the ever present shadow of death?”
His answer was profound but simple.
He said, “Because there, I mattered. I mattered to my unit. I mattered to my superiors. I belonged. I was there for them and they were there for me.”
And here at home, all that was missing. He’d left it on the battlefield.
That young fellow’s powerful insight underlined something deep and universal. We all need to matter to the people who matter to us. Without it, we feel lost and lonely. Back at home now, something was missing for that former soldier; I could see it in his eyes; surely many other vets can relate.
But that need to matter isn’t just in military service.
Indeed, all of us need connection. We need to be seen, heard, valued, to belong, to matter. Connection is part of being human. We are born seeking it and needing it and we never outgrow it. It shows up literally in every facet of life and, without it, we struggle.
As a couples therapist, I know that when intimate relationships struggle and self-destruct, the core issue is strikingly similar to the young vet I met. It’s a sense of disconnection. Often, couples in distress fear that they don’t matter to the one who matters most to them. They feel alone, sometimes rejected, certainly unloved.
Often, they come for therapy hoping I’ll help them “communicate” better or teach them to “fight fair.” But the real missing piece is their disconnection and the pain that comes with it.
This is what we learn—and learn to change—in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day group experience of learning and doing for couples at any age or stage. We learn about the groundbreaking science of attachment (no “psychobabble” here). Love really does make sense. We’ll learn not only what all couples need and seek; we’ll learn how to break cycles of conflict to help you and your partner know that you matter—deeply.
Hold Me Tight®️ is low key. No pressure. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. After just two days, you will leave with a roadmap for connection that can last a lifetime. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ workshops since 2018. Our next in person event will be on Valentine’s Day weekend, February 13 & 14, 2026 near Orlando, FL. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Spend two days with your partner and other couples in sunny Florida and make Valentine’s Day really count in the new year. Don’t wait. Sign up today. Space is limited.

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

09/29/2025

I’ve been counseling couples and leading couples workshops for quite a few years now. Without a doubt, from my experience, Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshops are more powerful and bring faster real, lasting change than any other experience couples can share. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I lead them at least four times a year because we believe in Hold Me Tight®️ and we know what it can do. We’ve seen couples transform in just two short days.
Something is especially powerful about being in a group with other couples on the same journey, sometimes feeling equally stuck or overwhelmed, struggling with the same frustrating patterns, emotions, wishes and mistakes. Couples can empathize, encourage and understand one another at Hold Me Tight®️. Realizing that we’re not alone (and not as messed up as we think) is uniquely comforting.
But, the hardest part for most couples is probably just signing up, trying a new experience. And many things might get in the way: hectic schedules, tight budgets, uncertainty. Indeed, for couples who aren’t ready, any excuse will do. But, more than anything else, the most daunting thing for couples who want to come, who NEED to come to Hold Me Tight®️—is shame.
That might sound strange, but shame is behind the self-talk that says, “Nothing is wrong with our relationship. We’ve made it this far; we don’t need a couples workshop. We’re no worse than other couples. We can fix it on our own. My marriage is my business.” Our culture tells us that getting help (from whatever source) is admitting some kind of failure. It’s weakness.
It’s also hogwash.
When you update your phone, are you embarrassed that it needed it?
Do you feel ashamed to get your annual physical?
If your car starts running rough and you take it to the shop, do you feel like a failure?
I’m guessing not.
But, if your relationship—the most important relationship in the world to you—hasn’t been “tuned up” in years or is almost flatlining, something tells you to stick your head in the sand for fear of what others might think of you for seeking help.
That’s shame. It might look like denial or fear or just plain foolishness, but shame is underneath it all. And shame is poisonous. Shame paralyzes us. Shame tells us to hide…and shame is a lie.
If your relationship is in trouble. Or, if it simply is not what you want it to be or not what it used to be, it doesn’t have to stay that way…there is no shame in saying so. The only shame is in doing nothing to change it.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” And when it comes to your most precious relationship, the best you can do is Hold Me Tight®️. I believe that one hundred percent.
At Hold Me Tight®️ you will find a low key, safe place to learn about your relationship from the solid science of attachment. You’ll learn to understand what often makes no sense in your relationship…why you and your partner often repeat patterns (we call them cycles) of conflict and disconnection. You’ll learn to connect in ways you never knew you could. You’ll go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. We never push you; but we do point you to a new, deeper, closer connection that can last a lifetime. It truly is a “no shame” zone.
Give Hold Me Tight®️ a chance. You’ll be glad you did. Our next workshop is in less than a month. And it’s in the magnificent Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina at the even more magnificent Art of Living Retreat Center (www.aolrc.org) at the height of fall colors. It’s a venue not to be missed.
So…don’t miss it!
All the details (and other dates for future Hold Me Tight®️ workshops) are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Sign up today!

01/29/2025

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