Mark Beck, LMHC, LPC

11/12/2025

Everyone Wants to Matter

I met a young man recently who impressed me deeply. He was in my home doing some repair work. He was a capable, courteous and likable fellow and probably would be successful at about anything he undertook. As he worked and we talked, he mentioned having been in Afghanistan.
“You’re a veteran?” I asked.
“Yes, two tours,” he replied.
He seemed to have come home intact, free from the invisible scars of war that so many combat veterans carry.
I asked him, “Do you miss it?”
I expected him to say how glad he was to be away from the killing and chaos of combat; but he surprised me.
“Yes, I miss it,” he said emphatically. “I miss it everyday.”
“Why,” I asked, “would you miss the bombs and the bullets and the ever present shadow of death?”
His answer was profound but simple.
He said, “Because there, I mattered. I mattered to my unit. I mattered to my superiors. I belonged. I was there for them and they were there for me.”
And here at home, all that was missing. He’d left it on the battlefield.
That young fellow’s powerful insight underlined something deep and universal. We all need to matter to the people who matter to us. Without it, we feel lost and lonely. Back at home now, something was missing for that former soldier; I could see it in his eyes; surely many other vets can relate.
But that need to matter isn’t just in military service.
Indeed, all of us need connection. We need to be seen, heard, valued, to belong, to matter. Connection is part of being human. We are born seeking it and needing it and we never outgrow it. It shows up literally in every facet of life and, without it, we struggle.
As a couples therapist, I know that when intimate relationships struggle and self-destruct, the core issue is strikingly similar to the young vet I met. It’s a sense of disconnection. Often, couples in distress fear that they don’t matter to the one who matters most to them. They feel alone, sometimes rejected, certainly unloved.
Often, they come for therapy hoping I’ll help them “communicate” better or teach them to “fight fair.” But the real missing piece is their disconnection and the pain that comes with it.
This is what we learn—and learn to change—in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day group experience of learning and doing for couples at any age or stage. We learn about the groundbreaking science of attachment (no “psychobabble” here). Love really does make sense. We’ll learn not only what all couples need and seek; we’ll learn how to break cycles of conflict to help you and your partner know that you matter—deeply.
Hold Me Tight®️ is low key. No pressure. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. After just two days, you will leave with a roadmap for connection that can last a lifetime. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ workshops since 2018. Our next in person event will be on Valentine’s Day weekend, February 13 & 14, 2026 near Orlando, FL. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Spend two days with your partner and other couples in sunny Florida and make Valentine’s Day really count in the new year. Don’t wait. Sign up today. Space is limited.

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

09/29/2025

I’ve been counseling couples and leading couples workshops for quite a few years now. Without a doubt, from my experience, Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshops are more powerful and bring faster real, lasting change than any other experience couples can share. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I lead them at least four times a year because we believe in Hold Me Tight®️ and we know what it can do. We’ve seen couples transform in just two short days.
Something is especially powerful about being in a group with other couples on the same journey, sometimes feeling equally stuck or overwhelmed, struggling with the same frustrating patterns, emotions, wishes and mistakes. Couples can empathize, encourage and understand one another at Hold Me Tight®️. Realizing that we’re not alone (and not as messed up as we think) is uniquely comforting.
But, the hardest part for most couples is probably just signing up, trying a new experience. And many things might get in the way: hectic schedules, tight budgets, uncertainty. Indeed, for couples who aren’t ready, any excuse will do. But, more than anything else, the most daunting thing for couples who want to come, who NEED to come to Hold Me Tight®️—is shame.
That might sound strange, but shame is behind the self-talk that says, “Nothing is wrong with our relationship. We’ve made it this far; we don’t need a couples workshop. We’re no worse than other couples. We can fix it on our own. My marriage is my business.” Our culture tells us that getting help (from whatever source) is admitting some kind of failure. It’s weakness.
It’s also hogwash.
When you update your phone, are you embarrassed that it needed it?
Do you feel ashamed to get your annual physical?
If your car starts running rough and you take it to the shop, do you feel like a failure?
I’m guessing not.
But, if your relationship—the most important relationship in the world to you—hasn’t been “tuned up” in years or is almost flatlining, something tells you to stick your head in the sand for fear of what others might think of you for seeking help.
That’s shame. It might look like denial or fear or just plain foolishness, but shame is underneath it all. And shame is poisonous. Shame paralyzes us. Shame tells us to hide…and shame is a lie.
If your relationship is in trouble. Or, if it simply is not what you want it to be or not what it used to be, it doesn’t have to stay that way…there is no shame in saying so. The only shame is in doing nothing to change it.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” And when it comes to your most precious relationship, the best you can do is Hold Me Tight®️. I believe that one hundred percent.
At Hold Me Tight®️ you will find a low key, safe place to learn about your relationship from the solid science of attachment. You’ll learn to understand what often makes no sense in your relationship…why you and your partner often repeat patterns (we call them cycles) of conflict and disconnection. You’ll learn to connect in ways you never knew you could. You’ll go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. We never push you; but we do point you to a new, deeper, closer connection that can last a lifetime. It truly is a “no shame” zone.
Give Hold Me Tight®️ a chance. You’ll be glad you did. Our next workshop is in less than a month. And it’s in the magnificent Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina at the even more magnificent Art of Living Retreat Center (www.aolrc.org) at the height of fall colors. It’s a venue not to be missed.
So…don’t miss it!
All the details (and other dates for future Hold Me Tight®️ workshops) are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Sign up today!

01/29/2025

🏈 Love Is a Team Game! 🌟 It's playoff season, and love is just as much a team effort as football! Discover how to tackle challenges together both on and off the field here: https://wix.to/Inoz8g9

If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, bu...

01/10/2025

Relationships can be tough, and sometimes comfort can feel uncomfortable. How do we navigate the complexities of intimacy? Discover insights in our latest blog post. Read more: https://wix.to/eZcFxPi

Intimate relationships are never easy and too many don’t survive. Courtrooms and counselors’ offices are full of couples who didn’t set out to destroy their love; it just looks as if they did. Maybe you’re one of those couples…trying to figure out how you went from newlywed to nearly dead....

11/13/2024

Check out my blog post https://wix.to/q4fjn48

07/23/2024

In a previous career, I was an over the road truck driver. I covered a lot of miles, coast to coast and one of my biggest fears was breaking down somewhere far from home and far from help (and this was before the days of cell phones and GPS). Even now, in the family car, that’s the last thing I’d want to happen on the highway. But, I’ve learned that cars (and other machines) very seldom just fail catastrophically without warning. Far more often, a car will tell you something is wrong, usually long before it leaves you stranded. A noise, a vibration, a smell or even a warning light are usually precursors to a breakdown. Alert drivers can usually catch the problem early on. And, with proper maintenance (oil changes, tune ups, etc.) they can even avoid many problems altogether.

Relationships are much the same. Relationships like marriage are built for the long run, built to last a lifetime. But, they require upkeep, regular attention and loving care. If you ignore “marriage maintenance,” eventually, signs of trouble will pop up…usually long before a catastrophic failure. As a marriage therapist, too often, by the time I see a couple, they’ve long ignored (or never even noticed) telltale warning signs.

So, what are some of those relationship warning signs?

Here are just a few. This list is not exhaustive, but be advised: don’t ignore them.

When friendship and playfulness in your relationship wear thin, pay attention. No relationship is fun all the time, but healthy couples are best friends. Laughter, fun and friendship should outweigh negativity—John Gottman says, by at least a 5:1 ratio—five times more positive than negative.

Criticism and blame are warning signs. Fault finding conversations quickly become confrontations that produce resentment and hurt. Couples that snipe, pick and “see the glass half empty” are in for long term trouble.

On the other hand, isolating, shutting down, disengaging and “stonewalling” are also danger signs. Couples who do that aren’t keeping the peace; they are pulling apart and they will eventually realize they don’t even know one another.
When your relationship becomes “transactional,” if you tend to keep score, trouble is brewing. Likewise, if you view even the neutral things your partner says or does negatively, that too is a problem.

Maybe you see one of more of those warning signs in your relationship. If so, don’t despair. Don’t throw in the towel. Your love isn’t doomed. You just need to change some things—and sooner is better than later.

That’s where Hold Me Tight®️ comes in. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great step in the right direction, whether you’re just beginning to see warning signs or your relationship is in real trouble. At Hold Me Tight®️ you’ll meet other couples facing the same hurdles and struggling with many of the same issues. You’ll find that you aren’t alone and you’ll learn to make sense of what so often doesn’t in love.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s learning and practicing new ways of connecting with your partner. It’s about changing the old patterns that lead to trouble over the long run. After just two days together with your partner, you will leave with new skills and a new direction to help you last for the long run in love.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando is next month. Check out www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com for all the details.

So, watch for warning signs. And, if you’re wondering, what about the signs of a healthy relationship? What is proof of life in love? I’m glad you asked…that’ll be our next blog!

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

07/19/2022

What do you need to bake a cake? Eggs, milk, flour, sugar, a few other things. But, merely having the ingredients doesn’t mean your cake will turn out well. You need to know how much of each, when to add what, how long to bake it and so on. In other words, it takes more than ingredients.
Relationships are much the same. Love is the key ingredient, but love isn’t enough. Indeed, there are two other indispensable elements. Without these two, partners don’t feel safe and they end up far apart. Those two ingredients are: vulnerability and empathy. Couples in love are vulnerable with one another. They share parts of themselves that they let no one else see. They let one another in. And they do it because their partner understands, listens, doesn’t judge or blame. Vulnerability and empathy are where love grows and relationships heal.
But, how do you blend those ingredients? What does it look like? How do vulnerability and empathy blend with love to become something beautiful?
I’m glad you asked.
That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop is all about. Just as baking is an acquired skill that takes time and practice to master, love is no different. Come and spend two days with me and my colleague, Vicki Kennedy and learn what loving couples the world over have learned. HMT®️ workshops are grounded in research and science. You will spend two days with other couples gaining new understanding and confidence that you can follow your “love recipe” and create something more beautiful than you ever imagined.
Learn more at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Get in on our next event. It’s just a few weeks away. Space is limited. Don’t miss out!

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

04/07/2022

As the world gets smaller and resources scarcer, one word has begun dominating the conversation: sustainability. Sustainability means we can produce or consume something over the long run without running out of what we need to survive. For too long, we’ve wasted precious resources and we can’t keep making that mistake. If we don’t plan for the long run, there simply won’t be a long run. So, we need to imagine sustainable farming, sustainable energy, sustainable manufacturing and so on.
I don’t know much about those things. I’m not an engineer or a scientist.
But what about another kind of sustainability?
What about sustainable relationships?
As a couples therapist, I’m all about sustainable relationships, built for the long run, that won’t run out of the love they need to survive.
Sustainable couples meet one another’s needs now and for a lifetime. They renew one another, build up one another, strengthen one another. Love is a renewable resource. The more we give, the more we have to give. But, sadly, too few couples can sustain their connection and, over time, their love withers and dies.
Sustainable relationships take attention and intention. There are no shortcuts. Simply learning new skills or quick fixes isn’t enough. Sustainable couples go deeper. They create safety and a strong bond. When conflict causes distance, they know how to repair (literally, “re-pair”).
These are the lessons of EFT (emotionally focused therapy). These are the lessons couples learn in a Hold Me Tight®️couples workshop. A HMT®️ workshop is two days of low key, at-your-pace learning and growing with your spouse and with other couples facing similar struggles and common hopes. You’ll learn what real connection is about. You’ll learn what blocks it and how to overcome those blocks. You’ll learn what lifelong, sustainable couples know. And you’ll learn why so many couples call HMT®️workshops transformational.
If anything should be sustainable, it’s love. Nurtured and protected, love will last a lifetime. Check out www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com and find out where and how to build a sustainable relationship. This is your chance. Our next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop, near beautiful Orlando, FL is next month. Reserve your spot today and plan to join us!

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

01/13/2022

Welcome to the season of New Year’s resolutions. Most of us make them, fewer of us keep them. About 75% of Americans start a new year with good intentions to change something, improve something or learn something. Most of those resolutions are about getting healthier, physically or emotionally. The vast majority of us start out well (the highest attendance at any gym is always in the first two weeks of January). On average though, two thirds of us have thrown in the towel on our resolutions by the end of January.

But, what if your resolution left you happier, healthier, more creative, more optimistic, more resilient, and all-around better off? What if you could do it over the course of just two days and the research shows that this one thing has positive impacts for most people even two years later? I’m guessing you would find a way to make it happen.

I’m talking about improving your love relationship. Valentine’s Day is coming up. What better way to impact your life and your partner’s than a Hold Me Tight®️ weekend workshop? We know that people in loving relationships tend to be happier, healthier and all-around better off. What better investment could you possibly make?

Join me and my colleague, Vicki Kennedy for two days in February that can transform the most important relationship in your life. People who attend Hold Me Tight®️ workshops often leave saying they will never be the same again, feeling stronger, better equipped and more optimistic for the long run of their love. Give your relationship something that will last. Make a real change in 2022. Join us in Orlando, Florida on February 11 and 12. Check out the details on our website (www.CouplesWorkshopsofFlorida.com). Space is limited. Your spot is waiting!

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

11/01/2021

I’m getting excited about our next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop, coming up on November 12 & 13. Research shows that seventy percent of couples who attend a HMT workshop and strengthen their relationship still report that they’re doing well as long as two years later. That’s the best results in the business. If you could do a workout and still benefit from it two years later, you’d probably make a bee line to that gym, wouldn’t you? If you only had to change the oil in your car every two years, you’d stock up on that brand of oil, right?
So, before you ask yourself why you should get to a HMT workshop, ask yourself why you shouldn’t. Why in the world would you miss this chance to strengthen the most important relationship in your world? What is worth more than that?
Check out our website: www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com and get all the details. We have a beautiful new venue and the Orlando area is wonderful at this time of year. We have warm weather in Florida when everyone else is shivering! Don’t miss out. Space is limited and we’re filling up! See you there….

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

10/18/2021

As a former pastor, presiding at weddings was always the best part of the job for me. They are usually happy, fun occasions. I recently learned a few interesting facts about weddings in America. Each year, about 2.4 million weddings take place, with an average expenditure of about $22,000. (For what it’s worth, very little of that goes to the minister!) That comes to over $52! And that’s not counting honeymoons. Ninety-nine percent of couples who have a traditional wedding go on a honeymoon and spend, on average, another $4000–so, tack on another $9.6 billion to the wedding industry. So, Americans spend over $60 billion a year getting married.
Weddings are almost always happy occasions, but sadly, too many marriages don’t stay that happy. Overall, about half end in divorce, and some, before the wedding bills have even been paid!
What if we spent less on getting couples married and more on keeping them married? What if couples focused less on the “Big Day” and more on the “ever after”? In my career, I’ve transitioned from the guy who marries them to the guy who helps keep them married. I am a couples therapist and my goal is to equip couples for the long run.
My colleague, Vicki Kennedy (a great licensed therapist near me) and I have together created Couples Workshops of Florida (www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com). We hold two day, weekend couples workshops four times a year in the Orlando area. We call them “Hold Me Tight”®️ workshops, after the work of Dr. Sue Johnson and her book by that title. Research is clear: the majority of couples who attend these workshops leave stronger, closer and better prepared for the hurdles all married couples face.
A Hold Me Tight®️ workshop is not therapy. It’s a chance for couples to learn and understand one another, what they need and how to make their love bulletproof. So many couples get married and have no clue about such things. They think they’ll just “figure it out.” But, they’re totally unprepared for the inevitable. All couples get their wires crossed at one time or another. I loved the Beatles, but they were wrong: love is NOT all you need. A healthy relationship takes more than love.
Visit our website and learn more about HMT®️. Our next workshop is soon and space is limited. A HMT®️ workshop is an investment for the long run, truly a gift that “keeps on giving.”

Looking for an affordable transformative couples retreat? Join us for a life-changing "Hold Me Tight"® weekend workshop. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop can make all the difference, regardless of where you are as a couple. Strengthen and renew your relationship through the groundbreaki...

03/15/2021