Meghan Malloy, LMFT, 19712 MacArthur Boulevard, Irvine, CA (2025)

06/20/2025

Great day at yesterday with a great team! ✨

01/05/2024

Gabor Mate describes trauma as a ‘psychic wound.’ He says that, in the same way a physical wound hampers our ability to function, trauma (a psychic wound) disrupts our capacity in meaningful ways. It follows that psychic wounds, like physical wounds, require treatment, tending to, and time to heal.

11/18/2023

In times of conflict with our partners, it’s easy to go straight to criticism. It’s easy to see the worst in one another, to nit-pick, or throw low blows. It’s harder to approach with compassion. It can take practice and effort maintain a spirit of generosity when arguments inevitably surface.

The question “what’s wrong with you?” for instance, when asked with different intention, can make a world of difference. “What’s wrong with you?” can be an insult, implying our partner is fundamentally, deep-down, messed up in some way. “What’s wrong with you?” when asked with a different intention (and an entirely different tone), can be a compassionate way to say “I see something is wrong here and I’m here for you if you want to discuss it.”

It’s easy to jump to criticism during fights, it takes practice to slow down and approach with compassion. Building this skill is a helpful tool for couples to lean on in times of disagreement. Seeing the best in one another, asking “what is the most generous assessment I can give of my partner in this situation?” facilitates the process of moving from criticism to compassion.

11/13/2023

One of the most impactful books I read in 2023 (I’ll be sharing the list of all 8 soon) was “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.

In addition to explaining some of the science behind attachment theory, this book does a powerful job of normalizing attachment-associated behaviors. In this particular quote, Levine & Heller break down what it means to be “needy” through the framework of attachment studies.

They discuss a point which comes up often in couple work and parent-child work, which is that people who can effectively depend on those around them tend to, paradoxically, develop more independence and risk-tolerance. Because their needs are met, they are able to, as the authors put it “turn their attention outward” to other meaningful pursuits.

This is one of my favorite ideas behind working with close relationships, whether they be between parents and their children or partners in a romantic relationship. When we put time and energy into nourishing our close relationships, developing what Levine & Heller would refer to as ‘effectively dependent’ connections, we are able to put more energy and focus into areas of our life like our hobbies, work, creative pursuits, etc. that bring us purpose.

If you’re looking to focus more attention on your close relationships, and are needing some support to get started, send me a DM or contact me through the link in my bio to set up a free consult to see if I might be the right therapist for you. 🤍

11/10/2023

I teach a course on identity & self, so I think a lot about the parts of me that make me who I am. One of the roles I play, in addition to being a therapist, is as a big sister.

In the literal sense of this term, I am the oldest in my family, and have two younger sisters. In the broader sense of this term, much of my work experience leading up to becoming a therapist has involved providing insight to people who are just a little bit younger than me, maybe one or two steps behind, on their unfolding path.

Most recently, while I was in grad school, I ran a private tutoring company, where I helped kids develop both academic & interpersonal skills related to their success in school. I provided mentorship to guide students in their educational aspirations, but of course, as part of getting to know these students, I also guided them in other important areas of life, like in their friendships and family relationships.

Now, in both my therapy practice and as an undergraduate professor, I work with a lot of clients and students who need someone to talk to about what they’re currently facing. They look to me for guidance in areas that they might sometimes struggle to talk to their parents about. What they feel they need is a big sister.

Given my extensive background in ‘big-sistering,’ I thought I might create a group for teens and young adults to work with me and receive support from someone who is one step ahead in areas like school, work, and relationships. As part of the process, participants will bring the questions they are currently asking themselves to our group, and with my help, we will begin to answer them. I’ll help them get clarity & perspective on how to succeed at school, how to navigate friendships and family relationships, and how to establish a sense of direction for the important areas of their life they’re probably still figuring out, like work and love.

If you, a loved one, or a client of yours might benefit from this kind of group, send me a DM or reach out to me through the contact form on my website. I’ll be looking forward to connecting with you. 💗

11/03/2023

High sensitivity comes with many gifts and many challenges. There is perhaps no one who is more aware of this than the creative.

Rick Rubin notes in his new book, The Creative Act: A Way of Being, that:

“The best artists tend to be the ones with the most sensitive antennae to draw in the energy resonating at a particular moment. Many great artists first develop sensitive antennae not to create art but to protect themselves. They have to protect themselves because everything hurts more. They feel everything more deeply.”

This sentiment is echoed in the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, one of the primary researchers on the highly sensitive person (HSP). Dr. Aron says: “Highly sensitive people are all creative by definition - because we process things so thoroughly and notice so many subtleties and emotional meanings that we can easily put two unusual things together.”

Rubin & Dr. Elaine Aron both recognize high sensitivity produces a natural inclination toward the creative process. Rubin says, effectively, ‘creatives become creatives in order to survive.’ Dr. Aron says, effectively, ‘highly sensitive people process the world in a way that is inherently creative, and thus, the correlation between high sensitivity & creativity makes sense.’

The ‘deep feelings’ Rubin recognizes sensitive creatives have make for some of the most powerful & impactful art. But sensitive creatives must also manage their gifts carefully, knowing they are likely to be knocked down more easily by experiences like heartbreak, loss, and suffering. The mission, then, of a sensitive creative, is to manage the burdens of sensitivity, so that the gifts might take center stage more frequently. 🌟

11/01/2023

Are you looking for support with co-parenting, a parent-child relationship, or a romantic relationship? 🤍

I love working with two or more people in therapy to help them improve their relational dynamics. Esther Perel, one of my favorite teachers, says “the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”

To me, this means two things:

1) Close relationships are a priority. It is easy to operationalize other priorities - things like our fitness, or running a business. It is important to tend to our meaningful relationships in the same way. After all, for many of us, the connection we have with our children, our partner, our friends, is what really gives our life purpose. For other important areas of our life, we take time to develop well-crafted strategies to ensure health, longevity, success. We create detailed business plans or craft intentional food & exercise regimens for our health. Therapy can provide the infrastructure for prioritizing and planning for the inevitable ups and downs of close relationships.

2) The health of our close relationships can have either a positive or negative impact on other parts of our lives. It is normal for relational distress to flow into other areas of our life, like when a fight with our partner decreases our capacity to excel at our job. It is also possible for close meaningful relationships to bolster our abilities elsewhere, like when a parent’s support gives us the courage to take risks and try new things. Investing in the health of our close relationships, therefore, may have a ripple effect into other meaningful areas of our lives.

If you are interested in working with someone who will help facilitate the process of improving the health of your close relationships, I can help. Visit the link in my bio to schedule a free 15-minute consultation, or send me a DM with your email and a brief description of what you are looking to get support on. I look forward to connecting with you! 🫂

And thank you to .ethera for these new headshots! 📸

08/30/2023

Nourishing relationships can shelter us through difficulties and free up space for us to pursue what is important. ❤️‍🩹

Draining relationships can have the opposite effect. They can take up so much space that they distract us from our purpose. 💔

Leaving a relationship that is not providing the security you long for is an incredible act of courage. 💪🏼

Taking a leap of faith & trusting in the potential for more is admirable and celebratory. 👏🏼

With that in mind, one of the best ways to reframe a breakup is as an act of love towards yourself, rather than an act of malice against the person you are breaking up with. Often, the narrative around a breakup is more punitive -- it sounds like "I'm dumping them" or "they didn't deserve me." While this kind of language may fit for more scenarios, it may be misaligned with others.

Especially in relationships where there is still love present, walking away can have more to do with wanting something different for ourselves than harboring anger toward the person we are walking away from. In the aftermath of this type of breakup, it can be essential to continually return to the intention of self-love and self-care, so as not to slide back into a situation that is not serving us.

If the time is right, and you muster the courage to walk away, you can remind yourself that you are brave, not malicious. It may be helpful to replace the more traditionally punitive breakup narrative with something along the lines of "this was a step I needed to take" and "unfortunately, I am not able to move forward with this person, despite the fondness I have towards them."

08/22/2023

I love this quote from Amir Levine and Rachel Heller’s book “Attached,” which demonstrates the concept of a secure base in couple relationships.

The idea of a secure base comes from early attachment research on the relationship that a child develops with a caregiver. It suggests that children who feel emotionally, physically, and psychologically safe with caretakers are more likely to explore the world around them with confidence.

In secure child-caregiver dynamics, children know they have someone to return to who will provide them with reassurance, help comfort them in times of distress, and provide protection. You can imagine how children who know they have this type of secure base may be more likely to take risks, explore new things, and develop an awareness of their limits through trial and error.

In adult romantic partnerships, a similar dynamic can occur. Partners can experience peace of mind knowing there is someone looking out for them, who will respond sensitively in hard times and provide a reliable source of comfort and support.

A secure adult partnership, just like a secure child-caregiver dynamic, can support partners in going after their dreams, trying new things, developing awareness, and engaging deeply with the world around them.

In couple therapy, we work towards laying (or re-building) a foundation that supports partners' security with one another. When there is confidence in the relationship, and partners know they have a safe space to return to with one another, they can tackle the opportunities and challenges presented to them outside of the relationship more effectively.

08/15/2023

Are you considering moving in with your partner? Taking the step to move in together in a romantic relationship can represent something beautiful, like joining your lives together in a new way.

Moving in together, or even just talking about moving in together, can also provoke feelings of anxiety. Sharing space in this way can surface new conflicts and take a toll on the relationship. This can especially be true if a couple does not adequately prepare for the ways in which their relationship will change after moving in together.

Proactively discussing these changes can result in a more successful move. If you are thinking of moving in with your partner, you may consider starting couples therapy prior to moving, in anticipation of needing extra relationship support. Or, you may work on having conversations about expectations with your partner on your own.

Here are 10 questions you might use as a jumping-off point.

Going through these questions with yourself and your partner will help clarify expectations. If you're able to speak about your hopes and fears before you're in your new home, you'll have a more developed vision for how to move forward.

You'll be able to keep this conversation in mind as you weather the inevitable ups and downs of increased closeness. You'll also be able to operate from a place of honoring your highest hopes and your partners' highest hopes for this big step in your commitment to one another.

More thoughts? Questions? Let me know what you think in the comments below. Or use the link in my bio to book a free consult with me to discuss how I might be able to support you in making this kind of step.

08/13/2023

I am very sympathetic to the difficult position divorced parents find themselves in.

Leaving a partner with whom you share children means navigating a novel landscape of co-parenting duties, processing grief related to the loss of the relationship, and establishing new methods of supporting children through the change – all at once.

Parents going through divorce face the incredibly challenging task of supporting their children without abandoning their own needs or letting of of their own means of self-protection.

And because every divorce is different, there is no ‘one size fits all’ manual for how to move forward.

In therapy, I help support parents going through divorce to create an aftercare plan. I work with both individual parents and co-parents to process emotions related to the fallout of the relationship. I also work with these clients to establish practices that support children without neglecting the needs of parents.

If you are looking for this type of support and think I might be the right fit to help, you can book a free consult with me using the link in my bio. In an initial consultation, we will discuss your situation as it stands, and the hopes you have for how the situation might change.

Then, we will get to work on implementing practices that support both you and your children for the long-term.

Meghan Malloy, LMFT

06/20/2025

01/05/2024

11/18/2023

11/13/2023

11/10/2023

11/03/2023

11/01/2023

08/30/2023

08/22/2023

08/15/2023

08/13/2023

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