New Horizons Counseling, LLC

10/17/2024

Counselor Supervision Group Greensburg, PA:
Are you a Counselor in Private Practice in our area? This group is for you!
We offer a Monthly Meeting to support Counselors in their practices through networking and support of other therapists in private practice. New members welcome.
Meets the Third Thursday of the Month unless a holiday interferes. Topics include: Insurance changes, reimbursement issues, speakers on relevant counseling issues such as Web Security, Computerization of files presentations, Rehabilitation facility representatives and Trainings offered, Telemedicine Counseling developments. Ideas for encouraging Better Business Practices. There is often a review of new Laws, Ethics and other Certification/Training opportunities. Anonymous client cases will be presented and are discussed as attendees need.

Upcoming Dates: First Thursday of the Month.
Type: In Person Meetings
Time: 8:30 to 10:30 a.m.
Where: Greengate Panera Bread Meeting Room, Greensburg, PA
Info: (724) 972-6409 Joan McCullough-Crissman

10/17/2024

"FINDING YOUR WAY BACK TO LOVE AND INTIMACY AS A COUPLE." by Joan McCullough Crissman 10.17.24

Growth and knowledge is my wish for you two with a blessing from God for a healthy marriage. Here is the roadmap to follow if you have lost your way!

To have a loving relationship takes work. To expect hot and heavy romance to evolve from nothing is a dream...magical thinking. It is like expecting to win the lottery Mega Millions even though you haven't bought a lottery ticket in years. (I am not suggesting you gamble lol) A healthy marriage takes work!!

If you do nothing, you will get the same result over and over. I promise!! Maybe it is time to try something new!

What's in it for me??? Our society is caught up in the "me" or "I" thinking. There cannot be "Iness" to have a healthy marriage. "Us ness"... needs to be present. It has to happen. "Iness" is....I don't want....or I want... That doesnt work in a marriage. "USness"....What is best for us....what do we wish to see happen or what are our preferences or goals. How are WE going to get there.
I suggest starting small. Clean out the "Iness" thinking the best you can. It is killing your marriage.

Example: This is true....A sports car - "I" want one. Saturn Sky - Burgandy, 2009/10 last made. It is a s*xy little sports car with wire wheels, sporty seats and looks like a bat mobile from the rear -"Iness" Did I say, "I" want one!!

"Usness" looks at the same choice in cars....it discusses the practicality of the fact we are both now older and "robust" and will not fit in the cute little racing seats very well,....well, it is the truth... He is 6'3", he needs more leg room, I am short and seats will hit my knees wrong. I would probably not be able to walk after a country drive. We are older and when we travel, we need a trunk for things like luggage, not a cosmetic bag and lingerie. We have grandkids who go with us. We would have to fold them in half to fit in the back seat. So..."Usness" says, Joan, what were you thinking. Your car idea is ridiculous. Not a good move for the "Usness."

Women are like crockpots, men microwaves. Foreplay for a woman starts earlier in the day or week away from the bedroom like a spouse mowing the lawn, cleaning up without being asked, sitting and watching a movie together and talking about it. Taking a walk. Holding hands. A shoulder massage when your partner is tired. Making dinner without being asked. Doing laundry....etc. Spending time with your kids and giving them loving attention - a woman and mom just eats this up! Supportive, kind words and praise for the little things that are noticed and appreciated. Moms often feel like all they do is be the cook, cleaner and bottle washer with no one ever noticing, appreciating and the work never stops. TELL HER, NOT YOUR FRIENDS. She needs to hear your compliments first. A small give is a nice surprise now and then. Some women love flowers. Men enjoy women joining them for their interests and sporting activities. Helping with projects.

Go Play!!! Focused time as a couple while kids are cared for by others is very important for a couple. Adult time is a necessary part of the relationship. Old McDonald needs to eventually be given a break. Many couples make the mistake of putting their budget into "Family Time" at the cost of "Couple Time." I warn couples....if you do not have the focus on healthy couple time, it is hard to have the healthy family.

Sitting and watching the sunset and holding each other. A beach drive or drive to see the leaves to enjoy Gods gift to you.....maybe this isn't you today, but it can be!! Just start small. Play a board game and have a picnic in the livingroom. Send the kids to the neighbors if your budget is low. Be kind. One person's kindness and words often creates a willingness in the partner to reflect back the same kind treatment. A willingness to be vulnerable again. Did I say ...Kindness.....Lower your voice! Mirroring often occurs when someone lowers their voice the other person naturally does the same. It doesn't have to be a fight, talking is much better.

In our marriage, we have decided since we work crazy hours, we make time to give each other undivided attention and play and rest for a solid week to stay connected. It takes work, planning and is a must to survive our lifestyle.

Worshiping together...this is a great place to start to renew intimacy and grow as a couple. Join a couples bible study. The other couples will share their trials and how they solve things. Their answers may serve to help you also solve your own problems. What works, what doesn't. All couples will experience difficulty at life junctures and situations.......again, if you do nothing, you get nothing. It would be good for you both to hear healthy relating and what it looks like from others so you can compare and adjust your own talk and doing for each other in new ways you maybe never thought about. Learning God's perspective on marriage.... Reading scripture together in the quiet moments is also another way to develop intimacy. Afterwards discuss questions and viewpoints together. Prayerful support from other study members or fellow church members is also such a loving wonderful thing.

Reconnect - Intimacy disconnection creates discomfort and awkwardness. It takes time to build this back up. It is like walking in the desert and expecting an oasis to just pop up. It just doesn't happen normally. It is like a cruise ship....changes take time...2 degrees turn, 2 degrees turn for another 20 miles before the ship actually changes course. Some people hide behind their kids for years to keep busy and avoid their partners...I see this often....eventually the kids leave home and the couple is left to decide what next with the starkness of the facts...we disconnected long ago. What are we going to do about it??? It is a bitter reality to swallow. It can get better if you both want it.

I recommend marriage counseling to start developing tools to work on your marital disconnection, I imagine things will warm up again in time, but not overnight. It is a natural law of action causes eventual reaction. God has been waiting for this!! You both deserve a healthy relational marriage where each gets your needs met in healthy ways.

I encourage talking more, playing, planning more, working on things together more. You will fall back, which is also natural as daily life happens to all of us in between our working on things....Again, another example of growth is the ocean, waves come in further sometimes - more progress, go further out sometimes - less progress or wondering if things will ever get better...then the next day, waves come in again - progress. Don't give up. Feelings are temporary. Thank goodness!!

I encourage both of you to discover how each of you has grown and celebrate that and note and share where you both need help. Note each others strengths and share the list with your partner. This is a loving positive exercise to show your partner you see the positive in them.

Listening and hearing are two different things. Try to listen to hear each other and understand the other's point of view. Put yourself in their shoes and think about their experience. How it may feel to be them. It often changes your perspective on their experience and develops compassion.

Put feelings into scenic story examples to help the other understand, as I have done in Metaphors for this writing. Men get the message much better!!

I offer couples counseling in my practice. New Horizons Counseling, LLC. Couples work is my passion. I always say, why have Ugh when you can have Aaaahhhh! So much better for you as a couple. Couples counseling can give couples tools needed to better their marriage into a phenomenal one!

Healing is possible. You might not believe it today, but I see it everyday!! Best wishes on your journey!

Joan

05/14/2023

07/19/2022

Hi,
FOCUS ON THE FAMIY 7 PART FREE VIDEO SERIES ON MARRIAGE......
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/reconnected-vs-form/?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=1447602&refcd=1447602&utm_source=RevelantResources&seid=117151967

Do any of these statements describe your marriage?

The love is there, but the spark just isn’t.
Our closeness has faded. We’re basically roommates.
We’re leading separate lives under the same roof.
The kids are the only thing we have in common.
Our s*x life is practically non-existent.
If you agreed with one or more of these, you are probably feeling disconnected with your spouse. And you’re in good company.

All marriages — even the really good ones — need mending. The routine of jobs, kids, chores, and other commitments can overshadow romance and passion with any husband and wife. As a result, couples can feel disillusioned, or even alone.

That’s why Focus on the Family has created this FREE 7-part series of videos called “Reconnected.” We want you and your spouse to discover how to rekindle passion, reawaken intimacy, and reconnect to the one to whom you said “I do.”

This series will show you practical ways to maximize everyday moments that can build connection, transform how you talk with one another, and find a “big dream” you can pursue together.

You can binge the whole series in one sitting or watch at your own pace. We’ve designed this experience to fit your schedule.

All the episodes come with discussion questions, a Scripture verse, a guiding prayer, and links to additional resources to help you dig deeper.

My wife Erin and I know what it’s like to feel that slow fade into married roommates. We want this series to encourage you and give you practical ways to reconnect.

Are you ready to get started? Sign up right now by clicking below.

Sign Up Now »
May God bless you and your marriage!

Dr. Greg Smalley
Vice President of Marriage
Focus on the Family

I want to learn how to reconnect with my spouse! Sure, you are totally committed to love and honor your spouse ‘til death do you part. But life just gets in the way. Kids. Career. Finances. Maintaining an active household. They’re all good things, but the busyness that comes with these responsib...

03/04/2021

Here's how one schoolteacher takes time each week to look out for the lonely.

03/04/2021

02/23/2021

Hi all, I haven't written for awhile. Hope you are doing good. My winter is flying by this year. I recommend reinventing yourself right now. Getting healthy....why not? I have had people say, diet during Covid, it would be too hard especially with the foods I am eating right now. My answer, why not, when you get back with your normal life to some degree, you will be able to surprise them with the new you!! There is no better time! You can focus on what you prepare food-wise much easier now and cook in advance.

Learn a new skill, language, take virtual tours of places you always wanted to visit. Museums have opened their doors virtually all over the world. I recommend the Sistine Chapel tour personally - Michalangelo and St. Stephens with Raphael are quite beautiful even by video. I think this time in history will be the birth of one of the most creative eras in our lifetime. Art, Music, Recording, Writing....many of us are having the time to express new creativity due to the world requiring less of ourselves in the same way for now. Go for it!!

Children are of most concern though. They are unable to socialize in the same ways with their friends and it is showing in the large numbers needing help. Smaller kids still have recess. Many children lack the skills to keep a relationship going with their friends and need things to talk about. The drama is gone for now to the same degree as in the past. Older kids (do not need their phones all night 11:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. as recommended by me), but they do need social time in some way with their peers. I have been told that some schools are allowing 10 minutes talk time now during classes and at other periods of time. Very urgently needed.

Perhaps schools or other organizations could create new pods of online programs which would give freedom of expression, enrichment, etc. that would allow them some time where they could talk and share freely - after school or on a Saturday so all could attend who wished. School has cut them off from talking to friends during school time, lunch is 6 feet apart at separate desks, and halltime talk is at a minimum compared to days past.

02/20/2021

2 Biggest Drivers of Mental Health Issues in Young Adults:
1. Excessive Tech Use
Being tethered to our smartphones isn’t helping our mental health. Several studies have found that heavy social media use is associated with a greater risk for anxiety and depression, loneliness, feelings of isolation, self-esteem issues, and suicidal thoughts. In a study of over 1 million teens, researchers found that those who had less time screen time and more face-to-face time with friends were happier than those who spent more time on the internet, playing computer games, doing social media, texting, using video chat, or watching TV.

Another study from 2018 found that when college students limited social media time to no more than 30 minutes a day for three weeks, they reported significant reductions in depression and loneliness, as well as less anxiety and FOMO (or “fear of missing out”). Tech addiction is real, and teens are particularly vulnerable to it.

With the pandemic, tech usage has skyrocketed even higher. One study showed that internet providers have seen increases in usage of 40% to 100% compared to pre-pandemic statistics.

2. Lack of Sleep
Sleep is vital for mental health, and teens need more of it than adults. For optimal cognitive function, teens require about 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night, but less than 9% are getting adequate shut-eye. Research has found a link between a lack of adequate sleep and mental illness in teens. One study that looked at nearly 28,000 high school students found a 38% increase in symptoms of depression and a 58% rise in su***de attempts for every hour of sleep lost. This same study also found that sleep deprivation was also tied to a 23% increased risk for substance abuse. Addiction is often associated with co-existing mental health issues.

An online survey from Harvard Medical School about how the pandemic is affecting the mental health of young people found that sleep disruption is the most common symptom. In May 2020, over 75% of young adults experience trouble sleeping. By October, that percentage had dipped slightly to about 72%.

Addiction to technology and lack of sleep not only increases the risk of mental illness but can also disrupt the important processes that are taking place in the developing brain. The brain continues developing until a person’s mid-20s, so it’s critical to address issues that could interfere with healthy development.

This information is from an article from Dr. Daniel Amens website on Amen Clinics.

T

08/30/2020

Relationships take a large amount of time and effort and they can turn sour quickly if a member of the relationships doesn’t put in their part. These nine tips will help you identify some poor relationship behaviors.

08/20/2020

One reason to report abuse....if you do not, it allows the perpetrator to possibly do it to someone else! I am a mandated reporter for those under 18. I spend many a spare moment identifying those suspected of abuse. To those reading this, it doesn't ruin families to report suspicions if done in a proper way. If the family member is not the perpetrator, I get with the parent and discuss what is going to happen before it happens - calling Childline. As they are not the perpetrator, they join me in reporting the abuse.
Childline is an 800 number available to everyone. You can find it on the internet.
Many times, the abuser is also a victim of current or past abuse......(that doesn't mean every person who has been hurt by someone will repeat the incident.) But....the other person sometimes also needs the abuse perpetrated on them to also stop. Abuse can run in families for generations. It doesn't have to. It is really great to see things get better for those involved after a time. It is a great thing to see the end result. At the start, it seems like a very bad situation....as it progresses with therapy, safety, help, boundaries and the law if necessary, things improve for everyone. The "secret" is a secret no more and healing can begin. I strongly urge anyone who has past abuse issues to get the proper help they need to start their healing journey.
Boundary issues are also very common and can be passed on to the victims children without knowingly doing this. A victim didn't ask for this behavior or treatment.
To speak up and seek help is worth it and will allow a better quality and healthier life. Shame doesn't need to be part of this but often is.
It is very empowering for a victim to eventually report the crime and sometimes address the incident directly or indirectly as a grownup adult with a counselor's assistance, if safe to do. There are also techniques to get this stuff out without ever talking to the other person - in person.
This emotional backlog of stuff is all related neurologically into your whole body and being and affects our health daily.
I encourage you to be brave...it is so worth it. God can heal all things, but you have to do your part to get there.
Sexting - another issue. Do not buy your 8th grade daughter Victorias Secret underclothing and not expect her to show them off. Eighth grade girls need track phones, not full video phones or one with a great camera. If a 14 year old boy has her photo she sent in his phone, he is a perpetrator. He most likely will also share the photo with others, which lives on for ever. As she is the Homecoming queen, her great photos will again surface.
Video Games - If your child plays with other kids online, there are ways for a perpetrator to get into a game with your children if you don't set parameters. I have seen it a few times.
Facebook and other social sites - If you can set boundaries with your children such as setting parameters in the programs to not allow outsiders to talk to your children, do it. I have seen grown men talking to children because the friends parents didn't have parameters nor understood how unsafe this is. Care about who your kids are communicating with. Check up on them. Keep them safe.

01/19/2020

Parenting can be intimidating and stressful, especially after constantly hearing and reading about how entitled, narcissistic, and lazy kids are these days. Is there any hope of raising good kids in today’s environment? Of course, there is! Your kids have every chance to be appreciative, kind, har...