Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC

02/14/2026

For a long time, my morning routine was my armor. I told myself, "If I look pulled together, no one will notice I am crumbling inside."

But smooth hair doesn't fix a fried nervous system.

The biggest shift for me was realizing the difference between Coping and Healing:

❌ Coping is trying to endure the stress better. (Fixing the hair, drinking the wine, venting to a friend).
✅ Healing is changing the environment that is causing the stress. (Setting the boundary, saying no, disappointing people).

I stopped trying to be "resilient" enough to handle the overwhelm, and started being brave enough to change the expectations.

Which stage do you feel like you are in right now? The "fixing the hair" stage or the "healing the root" stage?

If you are ready to stop coping and start healing, grab my Boundary Archetype Starter Kit. It’s the first step to changing the environment.

🔗 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/12/2026

These aren't just "odd rules." They are survival skills I learned the hard way.

For years, I was the "yes" girl. I was the keeper of schedules, the peacemaker, and the one who made herself small so everyone else could feel big.

But midlife has a way of making you intolerant to your own shrinking.

Here are the 5 boundaries I had to set to claw my way back to myself:

1. I don’t dress for approval anymore. I dress like the main character of my own damn life. If it’s "too much" for the grocery store, that’s a them problem.

2. I retired from being the household search engine. If Google knows the answer, I am not required to use my brain space to find it for you. My mental load is at capacity.

3. If I’m not excited, it’s a no. "Obligated" is not a synonym for "Aligned." I am done saying yes with my mouth when my gut is screaming no.

4. I let people be disappointed. This was the hardest one. But I realized their reaction isn't proof I'm wrong, it's just proof I've changed.

5. I treat rest like oxygen, not a reward. I am not here to prove I can survive the exhaustion. I am here to actually live.

I’m curious which one of these rules made your stomach drop a little because you know you need it? 👇

My Boundary Archetype Starter Kit helps you find the words when you know you need to say "no" but don't know how.

🔗 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/12/2026

“Doing less” is only a problem for the people who benefitted from you doing too much.

For years, being the “easy” one just meant you were the one silently carrying the load. You smoothed, you softened, and you exhausted yourself to keep the peace.

So when you finally stop? It disrupts the system. People might call it “difficult” or say “you’ve changed.”

Good. That reaction isn’t a sign that you are wrong. It is a sign that the pattern is finally breaking. You aren’t becoming a problem. You are just acknowledging that your capacity has a limit and you finally hit it.

🛑 Feel guilty when you stop “doing it all”?

You might be an Over-Giver. This archetype builds safety by being needed, so stepping back feels dangerous.

My Boundary Archetype Starter Kit helps you uncover why you carry so much and gives you the scripts to put it down guilt-free.

🔗 Link in bio to download.

stoppingthepattern

02/10/2026

What’s Your Boundary Archetype?

Most women don’t struggle with boundaries because they “don’t try hard enough.”

They struggle because they’ve been relying on the same boundary patterns for decades, patterns that once helped them cope, stay connected, or feel safe.

That’s what a Boundary Archetype is.

It’s not a label.
It’s not a diagnosis.
And it’s not something to fix.

It’s information.

Your boundary archetype reflects how you tend to relate to your needs, limits, and relationships, especially during stress, emotional pressure, or life transitions (hello, midlife).

Inside the Boundary Archetype Starter Kit, you’ll:
• Identify your dominant boundary pattern
• Understand why it formed (without self-blame)
• See how it impacts your energy, confidence, and relationships
• Learn what this version of you needs most right now

Whether you recognize yourself as:
– the Over-Giver
– the Peacekeeper
– the Chameleon
– or the Empowered Expander

There are no wrong archetypes, only insight.

And insight is where sustainable change begins.

Midlife isn’t asking you to become someone new.
It’s asking you to understand yourself more honestly.

If you’re ready to recognize your boundary pattern and stop guessing where to start, grab your Boundary Archetype Starter Kit 💙 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/10/2026

The quiet season after years of being the one who holds it all can feel… heavy.
Not because you’re doing life wrong, but because your worth was tied to being useful.

Now that your role is shifting, it can feel like the ground is moving underneath you.
That’s not failure. That’s awakening.

Let’s rebuild your sense of self, not around being needed, but around being you.
✨ Start the free 10-Day Confidence Challenge — it’s linked in my bio.

02/09/2026

If speaking up feels like you’re breaking something…
you probably are.

But not in the way people might claim.
You’re breaking the unspoken rule that said:
Keep the peace, even if it costs you.

When others are used to your silence, your truth feels disruptive.
But that doesn’t make you wrong, it makes you free.

Ready to stop managing other people’s comfort?
Boundary Scripts are linked in bio. You don’t need to be louder, just clearer.

02/06/2026

People-pleasing didn’t come from nowhere.

For many women, it was a survival skill, a way to stay connected, avoid conflict, and feel safe in relationships. You learned to read the room, soften your needs, and keep the peace.

That doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you adaptive.

But survival strategies aren’t meant to become lifelong identities.

Midlife often asks a harder, braver question:
What do I need now, not who do they need me to be?

Outgrowing people-pleasing doesn’t make you selfish.
It makes you honest.

And honesty is where real confidence begins.

If you’re ready to understand why this pattern shows up for you and how to work with it instead of shaming it. Explore the Boundary Archetype Starter Kit 💙

➡️ https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/06/2026

It’s not that you care less.
It’s that you finally noticed the price you’ve been paying to keep everyone else comfortable.
And now, you’re choosing peace within, not peace at any cost.

This is what growth looks like.

02/05/2026

The breaking point usually isn’t when you’re exhausted. Let’s be honest, you know how to function while exhausted. You’ve been doing it for years.

The real shift happens when you stop just “feeling” the weight and finally see it.

You realize how long you’ve been the one smoothing, planning, and holding it all together. You realize that “keeping the peace” has actually just been you carrying the load in silence.

And once you see it? You can’t unsee it. Pretending that this level of self-sacrifice is “fine” starts to feel impossible.

Good. That heaviness you feel right now isn’t a sign that you are failing. It is a sign that you are done shrinking.

It is the signal that you are ready to stop the pattern.

🛑 Ready to make the shift but don’t know where to start?

Grab my Boundary Archetype Starter Kit to uncover why you’ve been carrying it all and get the exact scripts to help you put it down guilt-free.

🔗 Link in bio.

02/04/2026

You’re not bad at boundaries.
You’re burnt out.

For years, many women were praised for being “easy,” “strong,” and “selfless.”
What we weren’t taught was how to protect our energy without guilt.

So when boundaries feel hard in midlife, we assume something is wrong with us, instead of recognizing that we’ve simply been over-functioning for too long.

Burnout isn’t a personal failure.
It’s feedback.

And feedback is an invitation to do things differently with more support and less self-blame.

I created a free resource to help midlife moms recognize where their boundaries are quietly breaking down and how to start reclaiming their energy without blowing up their lives …

👉 Download it here -

This quick guide shows you the 5 most common ways boundaries break down and how they drain your energy, joy, and confidence.

02/04/2026

The silence can feel louder than the chaos ever did.

It’s a disorienting shift. You go from years of being the default person for every snack, every ride, and every emotional crisis... to suddenly having space.

And the first thing that rushes in to fill that space? Guilt. You feel guilty for missing the chaos. You wonder if you’re ungrateful for the “time” you finally have.

You aren’t ungrateful. You are just grieving a version of yourself that was defined by how much you did for everyone else.

But that space isn’t empty. It’s waiting. You don’t have to rush to fill it with busy work just to feel useful again. You get to fill it on your own terms. When you are ready.

This isn’t the end. It’s the renovation.

🛑 Struggle to sit in the stillness without feeling like you should be “doing” something?

You might be operating as an Over-Giver or a Peacekeeper. When your identity is built on being needed, the quiet feels dangerous.

My Boundary Archetype Starter Kit helps you identify these patterns so you can stop filling the silence with obligation and start filling it with you.

🔗 Grab the Boundary Archetype Starter Kit at the link in my bio.

02/03/2026

I need to validate something I hear almost every day in session.

We are so quick to blame our biology, our hormones, our age, our "brain fog" when we feel depleted. We tell ourselves we must be losing it, or that we just need to try harder to keep it all together.

But we rarely look at the ecosystem we are living in.

You are likely carrying the mental load for an entire household. You are managing the emotional regulation of everyone around you. You are anticipating needs before they happen and solving problems no one else even notices.

That isn't a hormonal issue. That is a capacity issue.

The first step to feeling better isn't fixing you. It's acknowledging that the weight you are carrying is heavy, and it makes sense that you are tired.

Does looking at it through this lens change how you feel about your exhaustion today?