Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC

Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC, Mental Health Service, 640 NW Gilmand Boulevard, #101, Issaquah, WA.

Therapist for Gen X Women, Men, Teens
Done carrying the mental load & being the default person
Helping you drop guilt, resentment, and over-functioning

IG & TikTok:
⬇️ Free audio + resources
linktr.ee/loisspence

03/16/2026

Burnout rarely happens because of one massive argument. It happens through slow, quiet erosion.

From the outside, your life probably looks like a highly capable, well-oiled machine. But on the inside, you are the one grinding your own gears to dust to keep it running.

If you feel like you are slowly disappearing into the background of your own life, you aren't crazy. That is exactly how these unspoken agreements are designed to work.

What is one small thing you "just handled" recently to keep the peace, but secretly wish you had addressed? Let’s talk about it below. 👇

P.S. If you are ready to stop being 'the one who carries' and start getting yourself back, I recorded a free restlet audio to help you take that first step.!l

🔗 Link in bio.

03/13/2026

This is one of the most uncomfortable, but necessary, truths we need to unpack.

We often resent being the "default" person in our homes. We are exhausted by being the only one who knows the schedule, finds the lost shoes, and manages the emotional weather of the house.

But the hard truth? We didn't get here by accident. We taught them we would handle it.

Every time we stepped in early to avoid a conflict, or said "I'll just do it myself" because it was faster, we were writing an invisible job description for ourselves. We thought we were being helpful and responsible. We didn't realize we were signing an agreement that would eventually disappear us.

If you are tired of carrying it all, the first step isn't getting them to change. It's changing what you are willing to carry.

What is one thing you are currently managing that you are officially resigning from this week? Let’s hear it below. 👇

🔗 Click the link in my bio to listen to my free reset audio: The Agreement I Didn’t Know I Signed

03/10/2026

For the women who have been the responsible one for decades:

You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to play.
You are allowed to stop holding everything together for a minute.

Sometimes reclaiming your joy is the most productive thing you can do.

You’re not “losing yourself.”You’re outgrowing who you had to be.The version of you that:• kept the peace• over-explaine...
02/27/2026

You’re not “losing yourself.”
You’re outgrowing who you had to be.

The version of you that:
• kept the peace
• over-explained
• put everyone else first

…was survival.

This version of you?
She’s choosing truth.

Midlife isn’t a breakdown.
It’s a return.

✨ Save this if you feel the shift happening.

02/19/2026

We often think "keeping the peace" is free. We swallow the frustration, we absorb the chaos, and we just "handle it" to avoid a conflict.

But you are paying for that peace. You are paying for it with your nervous system, your sleep, and the tightness in your shoulders.

Here are two reminders I need you to carry with you today:

1. Capacity ≠ Obligation.
Just because you can handle it all, doesn’t mean you should. Your ability to endure stress is not a contract to carry it forever.

2. Partners: Don't "help." Own.
"Helping" means I still have to manage you. "Owning" means you take a category (dinner, the pediatrician, the dog) entirely off my mental plate so I never have to think about it again.

Your comfort matters, too.

Where do you feel the stress of "keeping the peace" in your body right now? Is it the jaw, the shoulders, or the stomach? 👇

02/14/2026

For a long time, my morning routine was my armor. I told myself, "If I look pulled together, no one will notice I am crumbling inside."

But smooth hair doesn't fix a fried nervous system.

The biggest shift for me was realizing the difference between Coping and Healing:

❌ Coping is trying to endure the stress better. (Fixing the hair, drinking the wine, venting to a friend).
✅ Healing is changing the environment that is causing the stress. (Setting the boundary, saying no, disappointing people).

I stopped trying to be "resilient" enough to handle the overwhelm, and started being brave enough to change the expectations.

Which stage do you feel like you are in right now? The "fixing the hair" stage or the "healing the root" stage?

If you are ready to stop coping and start healing, grab my Boundary Archetype Starter Kit. It’s the first step to changing the environment.

🔗 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/12/2026

These aren't just "odd rules." They are survival skills I learned the hard way.

For years, I was the "yes" girl. I was the keeper of schedules, the peacemaker, and the one who made herself small so everyone else could feel big.

But midlife has a way of making you intolerant to your own shrinking.

Here are the 5 boundaries I had to set to claw my way back to myself:

1. I don’t dress for approval anymore. I dress like the main character of my own damn life. If it’s "too much" for the grocery store, that’s a them problem.

2. I retired from being the household search engine. If Google knows the answer, I am not required to use my brain space to find it for you. My mental load is at capacity.

3. If I’m not excited, it’s a no. "Obligated" is not a synonym for "Aligned." I am done saying yes with my mouth when my gut is screaming no.

4. I let people be disappointed. This was the hardest one. But I realized their reaction isn't proof I'm wrong, it's just proof I've changed.

5. I treat rest like oxygen, not a reward. I am not here to prove I can survive the exhaustion. I am here to actually live.

I’m curious which one of these rules made your stomach drop a little because you know you need it? 👇

My Boundary Archetype Starter Kit helps you find the words when you know you need to say "no" but don't know how.

🔗 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/12/2026

“Doing less” is only a problem for the people who benefitted from you doing too much.

For years, being the “easy” one just meant you were the one silently carrying the load. You smoothed, you softened, and you exhausted yourself to keep the peace.

So when you finally stop? It disrupts the system. People might call it “difficult” or say “you’ve changed.”

Good. That reaction isn’t a sign that you are wrong. It is a sign that the pattern is finally breaking. You aren’t becoming a problem. You are just acknowledging that your capacity has a limit and you finally hit it.

🛑 Feel guilty when you stop “doing it all”?

You might be an Over-Giver. This archetype builds safety by being needed, so stepping back feels dangerous.

My Boundary Archetype Starter Kit helps you uncover why you carry so much and gives you the scripts to put it down guilt-free.

🔗 Link in bio to download.

stoppingthepattern

What’s Your Boundary Archetype?Most women don’t struggle with boundaries because they “don’t try hard enough.”They strug...
02/10/2026

What’s Your Boundary Archetype?

Most women don’t struggle with boundaries because they “don’t try hard enough.”

They struggle because they’ve been relying on the same boundary patterns for decades, patterns that once helped them cope, stay connected, or feel safe.

That’s what a Boundary Archetype is.

It’s not a label.
It’s not a diagnosis.
And it’s not something to fix.

It’s information.

Your boundary archetype reflects how you tend to relate to your needs, limits, and relationships, especially during stress, emotional pressure, or life transitions (hello, midlife).

Inside the Boundary Archetype Starter Kit, you’ll:
• Identify your dominant boundary pattern
• Understand why it formed (without self-blame)
• See how it impacts your energy, confidence, and relationships
• Learn what this version of you needs most right now

Whether you recognize yourself as:
– the Over-Giver
– the Peacekeeper
– the Chameleon
– or the Empowered Expander

There are no wrong archetypes, only insight.

And insight is where sustainable change begins.

Midlife isn’t asking you to become someone new.
It’s asking you to understand yourself more honestly.

If you’re ready to recognize your boundary pattern and stop guessing where to start, grab your Boundary Archetype Starter Kit 💙 https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

02/10/2026

The quiet season after years of being the one who holds it all can feel… heavy.
Not because you’re doing life wrong, but because your worth was tied to being useful.

Now that your role is shifting, it can feel like the ground is moving underneath you.
That’s not failure. That’s awakening.

Let’s rebuild your sense of self, not around being needed, but around being you.
✨ Start the free 10-Day Confidence Challenge — it’s linked in my bio.

02/09/2026

If speaking up feels like you’re breaking something…
you probably are.

But not in the way people might claim.
You’re breaking the unspoken rule that said:
Keep the peace, even if it costs you.

When others are used to your silence, your truth feels disruptive.
But that doesn’t make you wrong, it makes you free.

Ready to stop managing other people’s comfort?
Boundary Scripts are linked in bio. You don’t need to be louder, just clearer.

People-pleasing didn’t come from nowhere.For many women, it was a survival skill, a way to stay connected, avoid conflic...
02/06/2026

People-pleasing didn’t come from nowhere.

For many women, it was a survival skill, a way to stay connected, avoid conflict, and feel safe in relationships. You learned to read the room, soften your needs, and keep the peace.

That doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you adaptive.

But survival strategies aren’t meant to become lifelong identities.

Midlife often asks a harder, braver question:
What do I need now, not who do they need me to be?

Outgrowing people-pleasing doesn’t make you selfish.
It makes you honest.

And honesty is where real confidence begins.

If you’re ready to understand why this pattern shows up for you and how to work with it instead of shaming it. Explore the Boundary Archetype Starter Kit 💙

➡️ https://spence-counseling-alliance-pllc.kit.com/products/the-boundary-archetype

Address

640 NW Gilmand Boulevard, #101
Issaquah, WA
98027

Opening Hours

Monday 1pm - 6pm
Tuesday 9am - 6pm
Wednesday 1pm - 6pm
Thursday 9am - 6pm
Friday 9am - 12pm

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