10/17/2020
What is Love?
Love is something that everybody wants. It is something everyone wants to feel, and have felt towards them. While some might argue that love is something that is felt naturally and without any effort, the very nature of love makes it difficult to pin in definite terms. In order to truly love someone, you must first understand the nature of love and how to define it. For a feeling people place such importance on, you'd be surprised how many people lose sight of love's true meaning
How Can I Love
1. Commit to Your Relationship
decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability.
Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.
2. Invest Time
The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take.
One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.
3. Communicate Your Love
There are countless and effective ways to do this. When my husband notices I’m in a hurry, he makes the bed for me in order to give me a few additional minutes in the morning. If I run out of a certain food I love, he stops at the store to pick it up; he saves the last of anything for me. If he never said the words I love you, I would still know he does. Clearly, his actions are speaking loudly.
Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand. When he’s not around, I shape the chain into a heart and leave it for him to find. It always puts a smile on his face when he does. You get the idea.
4. Be Spontaneous
Relationships can fall into ruts. Years together can dull the excitement felt in the beginning when everything is new. It doesn’t have to stay that way.
Spontaneity can liven any relationship. Imagine yourself walking into the kitchen, wondering what to make for dinner, not feeling like cooking at all. Suddenly, your husband walks in and says, “Take off that apron, I’m taking you out to dinner.” How would you feel? I don’t know, but I’m guessing you’d want to jump for joy.
5. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does
One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it
Be Supportive
My friend said when I decided to go back to school to become a therapist, it would mean a great deal of sacrifice. I would eventually have to quit my job; come up with tuition money, and devote time for studying. My husband said, “You’ll make a great therapist. We’ll make it work.”
Provide Space
Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.
Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy.
Take the Good with the Bad
A good relationship takes a lot of work. The day you married your partner, you probably thought you’d hit the jackpot by marrying the most perfect being on this earth. That day, you didn’t think about the fact they kept you awake snoring, laughed like a hyena, scratched the wrong places in public, chewed with their mouths open, and who knows what else. You were just thinking about the trip to Bora Bora, how beautiful she looked in the dress, how handsome he looked in the tux, and what pretty babies you’d eventually have…
9. Avoid Put Downs
Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.
For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!” Or “It’s a pleasure to meet the poster child for lateness!” And on and on.
10. Be Willing to Compromise
Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.