Michael B Wathen, LCPC, CAADC

05/29/2024

Your life is happening now and your worth is already here. 🤍

05/28/2024

I tell clients often: therapy itself will not heal you, but the therapeutic relationship here can, or the relationship you build with yourself, your body, mind, and spirit, your relationships with others, and your relationship with the past, present, and future.

Relational context is where healing takes place. Vulnerable connection is where we mend and restore.

In fact, recent research confirmed that certain brain waves associated with repair and healing are activated only when you’re in the company of people with whom you have strong, safe, and emotionally intimate relationships.

Anyone can access these beneficial brain waves by learning to cultivate and sustain healthy intimate relationships where mutual healing takes place.
 
Do you have access to this form of connection?

Can you easily engage in healing with the people in your life?

Do you have emotionally safe relationships?

E.g., open communication, mutual respect, trust and reliability, support and empathy, conflict resolution, acceptance and appreciation, safety and accountability, etc.

05/18/2024

05/15/2024

What does it mean to grapple with stubbornness? It often arises from an underlying wound of insecurity, stemming from a past trauma that has left us with a subconscious conviction of superiority. Paradoxically, this feeling of superiority is a defense mechanism against our deep-seated insecurities. Typically, it surfaces most prominently when we encounter situations involving admiration or competition.

In the realm of stubbornness, the primary battleground is often decision-making and the need to be right. The driving force behind this behavior is the belief, “I am always right.” Yet, beneath this facade of certainty lies the struggle with pride. Individuals entrenched in pride and stubbornness may have made strides in developing their self-esteem, but they stand on the brink of true self-esteem without fully embracing accountability.

Pride, at its core, is flawed. It blinds us to our vulnerabilities, preventing us from acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers. There’s a fear that admitting ignorance or accepting occasional wrongness will shatter our sense of self, leaving us feeling inadequate and untrustworthy. This fear triggers a cascade of self-judgment, criticism, and ultimately, self-rejection, plunging us back into the depths of our original trauma.

This cycle is what’s commonly referred to as “pride before the fall.” We plummet from the heights of self-assurance to the depths of self-rejection, forcing us to embark on the arduous journey of rebuilding our self-esteem from scratch. However, there’s a way to break this cycle: embracing accountability before pride takes hold.

By acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers and accepting our vulnerabilities with compassion and courage, we can evade the grip of pride and sustain genuine self-esteem. This journey towards accountability is not easy, but it’s essential for our growth and well-being. 🤍

05/14/2024

The “let them” theory is foundational to understanding and improving relationships. At its core lies the recognition that individuals inherently act according to their own desires, needs, and behavioral patterns. Expecting people to change or attempting to control outcomes is not only futile but also detrimental to the quality of our relationships.

Detachment, often misunderstood as indifference or apathy, is actually a source of inner peace and clarity. It involves acknowledging our care and love for others while relinquishing the illusion of control over their actions. By accepting that people will inevitably follow their own inclinations, we free ourselves from overthinking and unnecessary stress.

This newfound freedom enables us to make decisions about the dynamics we desire in our relationships. Instead of fixating on predetermined outcomes, we can channel our energy into choices aligned with our preferences and values. Detachment allows us to let go of the need for control or the expectation for others to change.

It’s important to note that detachment does not mean we stop caring about others. On the contrary, it involves caring deeply while recognizing our limitations in influencing others. By embracing the mantra of “let them,” we allow individuals the agency to act according to their will.

While practicing detachment can be challenging, the benefits are profound. It fosters deeper connections based on mutual respect and acceptance. By letting go of the need for control, we create space for authentic relationships to flourish.

In conclusion, detachment is essential for enhancing relationship enjoyment. By accepting the autonomy of others and freeing ourselves from the burden of control, we pave the way for genuine connections and fulfillment in our relationships. Therefore learning the detachment above all else is an act of love.

09/22/2023

We need your healing 🤍

09/15/2023

Overcoming fear and anxiety is completely achievable—if we learn to work with it directly within the context of the body.

Yet, we’ve been conditioned to resist it. To avoid, escape, or numb ourselves from experiencing it.

This is a false resolution that only reinforces the very fear and anxiety we’ve been taught to fight against—because of our distrust in life.

And so the beat goes on and on and on, until we learn how to move into the body, toward the pain and discomfort, and embrace what we find there.

That is the art of acceptance, the dance of surrender, and the nurturing of grace.

It is in that context that we learn who truly we are. It is through that process that we begin to trust in life. 🤍

09/07/2023

Attachment style is how we form emotional connections and bond with others. It is shaped by early life experiences with caregivers, the basic blueprint of which is formed by two years old and solidified around age eight.

Attachment style is categorized as either secure or insecure (anxious, avoidant, or a combination of both). 40-50% of people have an insecure attachment style.

In a nutshell, people with secure attachment style find it easy to trust themselves and others, while people with an insecure attachment find it difficult to trust themselves, others, or both.

Typically, the attachment developed during the formative years will serve as the formula through which relationships are approached and navigated, romantic and non-romantic alike, for the remainder of a person’s life.

Yet, these core issues of mistrust do not have to remain perpetual. Insecure attachment can be remedied through psychotherapy and ultimately corrected by way of relational experiences with people who have a secure style of attachment.

So, keep your chin up buttercup. You too can learn to trust. 🤍

08/31/2023

I can understand why people maybe don’t want to talk about death or think about it. It’s uncomfortable, sad, scary, icky. I think it’s healthy for us to think about our death. I sit deep in the trenches with folks as they prepare for death. My goal is to help them answer the question: What must I do to be at peace with myself, so that I may live presently and die gracefully, holding both at the same time?

When I’m thinking about my present life from the vantage point of my graceful death, I can see very clearly who I want to be, how I want to spend my time, and what of me I’ll leave behind. It allows me to consciously curate my life right now and also figure out my little ‘whys’ right now. Because what are we waiting for anyway? Death?

So why not then make meaning out of the magic of the mundane and absolve ourselves of the responsibility of trying to have some grand life purpose? Why not just give ourselves permission to be fully human? Messily, magically, fantastically, beautifully, briefly, perfectly human.

If I’m to die today, I know that my death will come as a celebration. As a combination of a life lived in and loved. A life that’s worth dying from. I know, I trust that the real gift in being with our mortality is the sheer wonder that we live at all.

[Alua Athur, Death Doula]

08/29/2023

Overthinking is your nervous system taking in current stimulus, comparing it to the past, and creating a prediction. It is not a reaction—it is a prediction. That clarification is important to understand.

The goal of the prediction is not to find a solution. It is to build up skill and practice to deal with the thing it is afraid of over and over and over again. This is a function of the nervous system’s preemptive means of survival—to be able to successfully handle the thing it fears is going to [allegedly] happen in the future.

We enable this because we are unable or refuse to directly focus on it. This is because we are conflict avoidant by nature. The nervous system always wants resolution to perceived problems and knows that any solution will always require some form of conflict—which we innately do not want to experience—such as overwhelm, worry, or fear.

While it can be uncomfortable and painful to do so, the secret to turning off overthinking is to directly confront it consciously. To focus on it openly and process it through without resistance. We can do this by writing it down, journaling it, speaking it aloud, or learning how to feel through the emotions—as to say sensation—that is present in the body.

These practices assist in slowing down the nervous system and turning off the neuroanatomy that runs the overthinking. You will be dramatically surprised at how different your experience when you look at the thing—instead of avoiding it and allowing your unconscious to cycle through it over and over again.

[Chris Lee, MD]

08/22/2023

Take care of your unresolved s**t so you don’t pass that s**t down to the next generation. Or don’t do s**t about it. I don’t mind the job security.

Ps. The "dance" she's doing is purposeful. It's a type of somatic/body focused intervention. The movement can be helpful for externalizing sensation (as to say releasing the tension in the body that arrives with dense emotion). The "dance" helps us to loosen up around or reduce the seriousness of a thought and feeling. Moving the body in this way feels silly/playful which makes it hard to remain rigid or resistant to the pain and discomfort present. All of which is a set up for surrender and acceptance. Most people don’t get this because they are so disconnected from their bodies—which too is purposeful. But more on that another time…