Alohilani Psychotherapy and Wellness

03/30/2025

Roadside Wisdom

07/05/2023

Luke Combs’ version of Chapman’s 1988 hit “Fast Car” is expected to top Billboard’s Country Airplay chart

07/05/2023

05/26/2023

In Mary Poppins, they jump into Bert’s sideward chalk drawing and suddenly they are in a technicolor world where anything is possible.
While we do not have these magical powers, it is possible and important to temporarily transport ourselves into a peaceful places filled with natural beauty.
Today, my spot was here, next to the singing frogs under a dramatic sky full of storytelling clouds. I sat and rested while red-winged blackbirds called my name again and again.
I forgot to worry for a little while…and in a world such as ours, that can sometimes feel like a miracle.
To fall into the tall grass and know that there is nothing to fear here-and-now, that is a blessing. 🙏🏼
I’ll pair tonight’s photos and singing frogs with this favorite poem by Mary Oliver:

I Worried
By Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

01/25/2023

🙌 Read it again! 🙌

Credit: Lives in the Balance, Dr. Ross Greene

11/23/2022

Always!

Our children will run into lots of people who don’t validate their emotions. What’s important is they know when they get home their experience will be validated ❤️

J. Milburn

Parents often ask how to get others to treat their child in a responsive way and the truth is, we can’t control others. We can set boundaries but no matter how many boundaries we put up, our children will interact with people who make them feel sad, angry, mad, afraid. We can’t have full control over how they experience the world. Their hearts will be hurt. They will be treated unfairly, at some point. What we can do is ensure that they can always return to their secure base and feel safe. That unconditional acceptance extends to honouring their experiences and listening to their heart even when it hurts ours.

Of course, if your child is being mistreated by someone, speak up! I’m referring to different approaches to interacting with children.

Learn more about how to do this in my latest 📖

Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation

Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com

11/21/2020

https://futurism.com/physicist-entire-universe-neural-network

We live inside a neural network, he says, not a simulation — "but we might never know the difference."

11/21/2020

There is no one “right” way to do many things. 💗🌈

A friend shared this and I really liked the lesson! *original poster (Kate Scott 2020)*:

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.
I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.
“What are you struggling with?” he asked.
I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”
Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”
I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.
I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.
But I didn’t.
So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”
I felt like an idiot even saying it.
What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?
But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:

“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”

I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.
“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”
It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.
That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.
I felt like I had conquered a dragon.
The next day, I took a shower lying down.
A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the f**k they fit.
There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.
Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

THERE ARE NO RULES.
RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!