01/07/2026
A huge part of my soul is missing!
I remember waking up every day feeling so lost and confused. I was scared that I would never find what I was searching for and that terrified me. I was so tired of this feeling, so tired of feeling like I was failing at life.
I KNEW there was a huge part of my soul missing but I also felt like I was crazy for feeling that way. I didn’t talk about this with others because they looked at me like I was crazy whenever I brought it up.
This feeling that I woke up with every day never went away. It was the first thing I felt every morning and the last feeling I had every night. It was my constant, unwanted companion that I couldn’t understand or decipher.
I felt like I was carrying around a huge hole that I was never going to be able to fill, no matter what I tried. I couldn’t figure out how to find that missing part, or if I was just crazy for feeling this way, like others had said.
I had no clue where to even start, so I pushed the feeling away as much as I possibly could. I became comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling I carried with me every day because it was always there. I found myself able to ignore it for a long time as I met my soul mate, got married, had kids, and began living my life for them.
I became a stay-at-home mom who started a side hustle as a freelance writer so I could be at home to raise my kids as my husband and I wanted. Life was fantastic for a long time and even though the feeling was always there, I was able to dim it for a while.
Then one day, I was having a conversation with my son about starting high school, and I realized in that moment that I had to figure out what I was going to do with my life after both of my kids moved out to pursue their own lives.
I didn’t want to be a freelance writer anymore because it wasn’t my passion. It was great while I needed it, but it didn’t give me any sense of fulfillment. I started asking God and the Universe for answers because I didn’t know who else to ask. I prayed about finding the right career for me.
Growing up, I always KNEW two things with every fiber of my being. It is my path to help people and I would start my own business someday. My gut feeling around those two things were always super strong but not around how or when.
I made the decision to find the answers, so I could stop feeling lost and confused. I was so tired of feeling like I wasn’t complete. I carried this feeling with me all day every day. I couldn’t get rid of it and it kept getting bigger and more intense the older I became.
There was no more time to wait. I had to find the answers! Every day, I woke up and my first thought was always, here we go, another day with no answers. I remember catching myself many times being negative and I would work on changing this thought because I knew in my heart that answers were coming, I just had to keep pursuing it and be patient, which is not easy for me.
But I was getting desperate for answers, so I worked hard to stay as positive as I could each day. It took me a quite a bit of time to retrain my mind to make my first thought a more positive one but when I did, I started using the affirmation, today is the day that I will gain clarity and my first step.
I would repeat that affirmation multiple times a day. Sometimes up to 50 times a day because I was so desperate. The feeling of being close to answers grew but so did the feeling of not even having a clue how to start to get the answers, which brought more frustration.
Finding the answers started to consume my life because while the hole was always there, so was the deep soul knowing that clarity on where to start would be revealed to me soon. I just had to keep asking, so that is what I did.
I knew there was a reason I was here, but WHAT WAS IT? That is the question that started my spiritual journey. That is the question I woke up asking myself every single day, what was my purpose for being here? I would begin my day by praying and asking for help and guidance. I started begging the Universe to help lead me to answers.
After a few days, I was having a conversation with my best friend and we were trying to figure out where we could take the kids while doing a little shopping for us. We began talking about stores that were different, like metaphysical stores where they had crystals that the kids would enjoy looking at and where we could check out what they offered.
My best friend looked up the nearest store to her house and began reading out loud the different services they offered. I was only half listening until she mentioned REIKI. When I heard that word, my whole body came to attention. I had no idea what Reiki was but I KNEW WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING that this was something I needed to learn about ASAP.
I felt my whole body come to attention and I remember thinking, is this it? Is this where my journey starts? I looked at her and my thoughts and feelings started going crazy. I remember thinking multiple thoughts as my mind was racing. I have to find out what Reiki is now. I have to learn all I can about it immediately. I have to go now; there is no time to waste anymore.
The feelings of being desperate grew even more, but this time it was a desperation to FINALLY get answers. I KNEW this was going to be the beginning but I had no real clue about how much it was going to change my life on all levels.
We loaded the minivan with all the kids and headed to the bookstore. When we walked in, I instantly felt at home. I asked the person working behind the counter about the Reiki classes they offered and began to learn as much information as I could about it.
Before I left the store, an hour later, I had signed up to take the Level 1 Reiki class. I walked out of that store feeling excited and more than a little curious as to what I had just signed up for. I felt a huge sense of relief. I was finally getting answers and starting on a journey to rid myself of that black hole. Little did I realize that learning Reiki would begin the best and the most meaningful journey of my life.
You could say that this is when my true spiritual journey really began, as this is when I started getting to know myself in ways I had never tried to before. In ways I didn’t even know was possible. I started feeling more alive and I soon became a reiki master without having experienced a true Reiki session for myself before because this FELT right to me.
Once I had achieved that goal, I knew there was still something missing, but what? The questions started again and that feeling was still there, though not as big as it was before. Again, I started asking for Divine guidance and help from the Universe. I started doing more research. Curious about what else was missing. What else did I need to do to get rid of that awful feeling? That same night, I was on my computer doing research into holistic modalities that worked well with Reiki.
Past life regression kept popping into my line of vision, so I became intrigued and explored it, after ignoring it the first half dozen times it appeared. I found out that a hypnotherapist was the one that did this type of work, and again, I KNEW this is what I needed to do. It FELT right!
I remember feeling like I was going crazy because I didn’t even question what I felt called to do. I immediately read through everything I could, getting more excited with everything I read.
That same night, feeling like I was losing my mind for what I was about to do, I went and talked to my husband, telling him what my plans were. He looked at me like I was crazy but he has always supported me, no matter what I decided to do, so I trusted my intuition and took the huge leap of faith.
I found myself at 40 going back to school, even though I was terrified and thinking I was crazy for not even questioning the guidance I received. I just did it. I didn’t know if what I was doing would work out or not, but I knew my intuition had led me to it, so I was trusting it and believing in myself, which took me years to get to that point.
The more I leaned into and trusted my intuition, the more guidance I received, and the more amazing the spiritual experiences were. My journey into spirituality has helped me fill the hole, so I now feel complete and I am finally living an intuitive led life that is authentic for me.
It also led me to my soul purpose of helping others do the same through my business as a spiritual mentor and certified hypnotherapist and it led to the creation of my Soul Vibe Signature Program. It has allowed me to do work I am passionate about and so grateful that this is my life!
Have you found your soul purpose, or are you still searching? I would love to know your story as well.
