Intimate Partner Betrayal Alliance

01/10/2026

Understanding this truth is often how women begin to discern the difference between a disappointing marriage and a destructive one.

The truth is—my marriage was destructive.
It was destroying my soul.
It was eroding my sanctification.
It was damaging my relationship with God, not drawing me nearer to Him.

I lived on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop.
The next emotional explosion.
The next moment I would be told I wasn’t enough.
The next time Scripture would be read—not to heal—but to shame.

Scripture says, “God has not given us a spirit of fear” (2 Timothy 1:7), yet fear was the atmosphere I lived in.

I was so afraid that I didn’t even want my husband to see me pray.
Prayer felt dangerous.
Because somehow my prayers were twisted into confessions—proof that I was wrong, defective, sinful.

I carried crushing guilt:
For not cuddling enough;
For being distant;
For being cold
For not delighting in my husband;
For being guarded;
For not being “a good enough wife.”

From the outside, I looked like I was one who hardened my heart, while my husband wanted me to "love him better as a godly wife."

I was told to love more.
Love harder.
Not to fear but trust God.
Try again.

But Scripture is clear: “There is no fear in love” (1 John 4:18).

How can you love freely when you are not safe?
How can intimacy grow where terror lives?
How can your heart soften when your body is bracing for harm?

I wasn’t cold—I was protecting myself.
I wasn’t withholding—I was surviving.
I wasn’t unloving—I was afraid.

And here is the truth abuse tries to hide:

When a marriage drives you toward despair, or self-erasure—that is not sanctification. That is not conviction. That is not the fruit of the Spirit.

Jesus said He came that we might have life—and have it abundantly (John 10:10).

Anything that steadily steals your sense of safety, your voice, your joy, and your connection to God is not holy suffering—it is destruction.

If this resonates with you, hear this clearly:
God is not asking you to love harder in a place where your soul is being crushed.
He is a refuge, not an accomplice to harm.
And He sees the truth—even when others don’t.

Written by Lauren

If you are confused about your relationship, please reach out to request an advocate to talk with you: calledtopeace.org

01/08/2026

01/07/2026

01/06/2026

If betrayal has left you overwhelmed, confused, or unsure what to do next, then the Betrayal Healing Conference is for you!
It’s a free, 5-day online event happening January 26–30, 2026, created to help betrayed partners heal, regain stability, and move forward with clarity and confidence.
I’m honored to be one of the speakers, so I hope you will join me.
You can register for free. Link In comments and stories.

12/31/2025

The world could use a little more kindness these days. Will you join us in prioritizing compassion this season? Comment a 🧡 if you're up for the challenge.

12/26/2025

Religious gaslighting happens when abuse is rebranded as divine purpose. Instead of addressing harm, narcissists and enablers cloak it in spiritual language so questioning the abuse feels like questioning God Himself. This is one of the most psychologically damaging forms of manipulation because it attacks both faith and reality at the same time.
Victims are told their suffering is a test, a season, or a calling. Pain is spiritualized instead of examined. Abuse becomes “character building.” Endurance is praised more than safety. Over time, the victim stops asking, Is this wrong? and starts asking, Why am I failing God?
Another tactic is fatalism: “God allowed it for a reason.” This shuts down accountability completely. If God ordained it, then confronting the abuser is framed as rebellion. Leaving is framed as lack of faith. Staying becomes proof of spirituality—even when it’s destroying the person emotionally and mentally.
Then comes spiritual inversion. The abuser is positioned as chosen, anointed, or used by God—while the victim is portrayed as prideful, unforgiving, or spiritually weak for speaking up. Reality flips. Harm is minimized. Discernment is punished.
The result is deep internal conflict. Victims feel trapped between self-preservation and salvation. Many don’t just lose relationships—they lose trust in their own judgment, their God, and their sense of worth.
Hard truth:
God does not require abuse to teach lessons.
Suffering caused by injustice is not sanctified by calling it God’s will.
Any theology that demands your silence in harm is being misused.

12/22/2025

No one should be stuck in a marriage that is destroying them, no matter how long it’s been. Divorce is and should be an option.
Longevity in a marriage does not equal health or love. When I was young, I thought I knew.
Life has humbled me and l’ve learned how little I know.

12/22/2025

I need a support group around this movie! HUGE TRIGGER WARNING if you’re a betrayed partner. This is not for the faint at heart. I am shocked at all the people who worked to make this lady look like a victim. SMH at our joke of a justice system.

12/20/2025

It’s a sick world we’re living in. If you’re feeling the weight of it, just know you’re not alone. Take your time. Do what you need to do for your own mental health. Limit your exposure to the news or other triggering events. Encourage someone who needs it.

12/19/2025

Any guesses on what the topic was? Any good lip readers around?

12/19/2025

I wish women understood the power we have to change the dynamic with men. We don’t have to settle for “better than most guys”. We don’t have to lower our expectations for companionship.
There are men who actually show up, live as fully functional adults, and who are willing to be healthy partners. The “good guy/nice guy” label is al, especially when a guy is giving it to himself.