02/09/2025
Using all my tools to get the humans who hurt me out of my head... I really thought this one was strong enough to love me, and only me.
But why would he?
I couldn't even love myself completely. So why would he? How could he?
The best gift I received from him are the cruel words he said. Because it made me realize I hadn't learned my lesson the last time. I hadn't fully learned to love myself first. I hadn't realized that, for my whole life (except a few times), I wouldn't even fight for myself. I did briefly, then I let him in and reverted to allowing charm to control me.
So I thank him for that. I see it now. And I know this is karmic s**t he and her have to work through... But, why did he have to be THAT weak?
Damn it. I hate this. Their weakness becomes my pain. This is why I'm perfectly happy being single. I can't imagine ever trusting a human with my heart again. I just can't.
Compassion. Not vengeance. Compassion.
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion.
Compassion. Apparently, that's my word this year. Compassion for others, and myself for choosing the same kind of man twice and not learning the lesson the first time around.
Now, I'll pour all that big love I had for him into myself. If only I could get them out of my head.
